


Islands in the Stream

by thisbeautifullight



Series: ParkPark - Islands in the Stream [1]
Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Wooga - Fandom, 花郞 | 화랑 | Hwarang (TV) RPF, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Comedy, Enemies to Lovers, Gay, Grief/Mourning, Humans Gonna Human, Hyungsik is really thirsty - you have been warned, Internalized Homophobia, Longing, M/M, Office Romance, Office Sex, Romantic Comedy, Sort Of, Team Building Weekend, Thirsty Inner Monologue, dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 62,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbeautifullight/pseuds/thisbeautifullight
Summary: Park Hyungsik had been working at Pulse Games as an illustrator for two years, when he makes an impulsive decision to kiss his colleague Park Seojoon, during a late night meeting in the office.Known more for their bickering, the office starts to notice a shift in their dynamic, as feelings start to develop between them, but they know that they cannot and should not pursue a relationship with someone they work with - especially a secret, gay relationship.Angst and comedy ensues, as we watch Hyungsik navigate the drama - wearing his petulance and thirst, very much on his sleeve!This is a story about original characters, but named after my dream cast! <3
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga & Park Jimin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Park Hyungsik/Park Seo Joon
Series: ParkPark - Islands in the Stream [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180793
Comments: 27
Kudos: 11





	1. Impulse Control Error

**Author's Note:**

> Just a general warning about this fic: it is set in Korea with what I think/hope is an accurate reflection of attitudes towards gay people and/or relationships, so there is some very light homophobia from some of the unnamed characters on the periphery of this story. 
> 
> It also deals with parental emotional abuse and attempts to influence marriage.
> 
> You can see a dumb, sorta poster I made for this fic [here](https://twitter.com/thbeautifullite/status/1364700162426363910?s=20)!

It was during an especially hot Summer and two years into his dream job, that Park Hyungsik nearly fucked it all up.

He was hardly surprised: this was fairly typical for him, the way his life had been so far - he was pretty much a human disaster.

It's just that, he had actually worked so hard to get where he was now and with just one year left of his twenties, he knew that now would be a really bad time for an unplanned career change.

This was all  _ his  _ fault.

Hyungsik had been sharing an office with him since he started working at Pulse Games as a Senior Concept Designer two years ago. 

He too, was an artist, working on environments mostly, and they had always had a somewhat difficult working relationship, characterised by frequent bickering and the occasional hurling of insults.

He could be unpredictable, overly-serious and unexpectedly grumpy at times, with a personality that could not be further from Hyungsik’s, seemingly preferring quiet solitude compared to the busy social life that Hyungsik led. 

Yet, somehow, they had managed to produce some of their best work together - on this they both agreed.

_ His  _ name was Park Seojoon, and everyone at the company liked to joke that they were like an old married couple.

  
  
  


It all started with a new project - a potential job opportunity with their parent company, PEG, and a chance to lead an entire design team.

It all started when Jung-eum called them both into her office.

  
  
  
  


“Coffee?” Jung-eum asked them both as they seated themselves in the chairs in front of her desk.

“Thanks, Gwa Jang-nim,” Hyungsik smiled at her.

“Seojoon?” she asked, pouring Hyungsik’s coffee from the pot.

Seojoon nodded politely, before sweeping his hair back off of his forehead, and rubbing his eyes.

“Everything okay?” Jung-eum asked Seojoon as she handed Hyungsik his cup of coffee.

“Hmm? Me?” Seojoon asked her, a surprised look on his face.

“Seonbae’s just in a sulk because Siwon’s changed the Kimtrix level design and carved out half of what he’d given them,” Hyungsik explained as he poured cream and sugar into his coffee.

Seojoon threw Hyungsik an incredulous look.

“I’m in a  _ sulk _ ?!” he cried, “y’know that this means that I have to re-design the entirety of the factory now? They’ve added new elements that weren’t even in the concept. I have to turn this around by Friday, on top of everything else.”

“Oh,” Hyungsik said with a smile, “well, you didn’t say that this morning. You were too busy sulking about it.”

“ _ Okay _ ,” Jung-eum interjected with a roll of her eyes, before passing Seojoon his coffee, “why don’t I tell you both why you’re here, huh?”

Seojoon sighed to himself, as Hyungsik gestured to her with a smile.

“Sorry. Please do, Gwa Jang-nim.”

“As you know, PEG is expanding with a possible new subsidiary and they’re looking to recruit a Concept Designer/Artist at a very senior level - overseeing a department of thirteen. They’re looking for someone who can handle the design elements as well as people management,” she paused, looking at them both expectantly.

“Wow,” Hyungsik gasped, “thanks for giving us the heads up.”

Seojoon threw a glance at Hyungsik, and Hyungsik noticed Seojoon shift in his chair, out of the corner of his eye.

“Well, don’t thank me yet,” Jung-eum said with a grimace, “you’ve both been head-hunted for the role but they’ve asked me to choose one of you.”

“Oh,” Hyungsik let out, darting his eyes to Seojoon, who appeared to be lost in thought.

Then there was a lengthy silence between the three of them.

“You can’t decide,” Seojoon said finally, looking up at Jung-eum for confirmation, “you wouldn’t have called us both in here if you had picked one of us for the job.”

Hyungsik turned from Seojoon to Jungeum.

“How can I?” she laughed, “you both know how I feel about you. We’ve talked about your strengths and your weaknesses. You work well together, somehow, but on your own, leading a team that big… I don’t know who would struggle more.”

“Thanks?” Hyungsik frowned at her.

“You know what I mean!” Jung-eum chuckled, waving her hand at Hyungsik dismissively, “Hyungsik, you’re great with people but you can’t hit a deadline, even if your life depended on it. Seojoon picks up the slack there every time. And Seojoon, it’s no secret that you’re not always in the mood to play well with others. Hyungsik screening your calls wouldn’t be an option if you got this job.”

They both stared at her.

_ She’s not wrong but, oof, what a brutal assessment _ , Hyungsik thought to himself. 

“You’re both incredible artists. On that alone, you’re both a shoe-in,” she nodded with a smile, “the other stuff though… that’s gonna be a problem. Which is why, you two are gonna make this decision.”

_ What the actual…? _

_ This is ridiculous! _

Hyungsik widened his eyes and opened his mouth.

Seojoon dropped his head into his hands.

“You’ve got a month. Talk about it between yourselves,” Hyungsik watched, mouth agape, as she turned her attention to her computer, already seemingly done with the conversation, “let me know what you decide.”

Hyungsik stared at her in disbelief.

After a moment of silence, Seojoon raised his head again.

“What if we  _ can’t  _ decide?” he asked her, brow knitted and looking anguished.

Jung-eum regarded him for a moment.

“If you can’t decide Seojoon-ssi,” she said with a sigh, “then I’ll tell them to look elsewhere.”

“Gwa Jang-nim!” Hyungsik blurted out, in protest and unable to contain his frustration, “why can’t we both apply for the job?!”

“They’re not recruiting like that, Hyungsik-ssi,” she explained, a sympathetic expression on her face and her voice softening, “I’m sorry but I just can’t make this decision. I genuinely don’t want to do that to you both.”

“How is this better?!” Hyungsik exclaimed.

“It gives you both agency and you can talk it through together,” she offered weakly, before adding with a wince, “that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.”

Hyungsik turned to Seojoon to find him nodding.

_ Seriously? _

_ He’s going along with this bullshit?! _

“You’re okay with this, seonbae?!” Hyungsik asked him, feeling his outrage bubbling to the surface.

Seojoon turned to look at him and began to stand.

“Let’s talk in our office, hubae,” he nodded at Hyungsik, gesturing at the door.

Hyungsik looked back at Jungeum, mouth still agape, before standing.

They both offered a quick bow in her direction, muttering thank yous, before leaving and walking in silence down the long corridor back to their workspace.

Once inside the safety of their office, Hyungsik closed the door and collapsed onto the small sofa next to his desk.

“No way. Not doing it,” he started, throwing a scowl at Seojoon.

He watched as Seojoon leaned against his desk, opposite the sofa.

“It’s incredible to me that you think that’s an option here. You heard what she said,” he frowned, raising a hand to his forehead and running his fingers through his hair, “if we don’t do this, we both lose out.”

_ I hate it when he’s right. _

_ Which is fucking always. _

Hyungsik pulled his legs up onto the sofa and curled up in a foetal position.

“This is ridiculous,” he muttered, sulkily, looking at his fingernails.

Seojoon looked at the clock, “hubae, haven’t you got a meeting at five?”

Hyungsik widened his eyes before leaping up off of the sofa, “fuuuuuucck!”

“We can talk about this later,” Seojoon suggested, sitting himself down at his desk and switching on his tablet.

Hyungsik gathered his papers and tablet, pausing at the glass door of their office, next to Seojoon’s desk.

“I’ve got that deadline,” he winced.

Seojoon looked up at him, raising his eyebrows slightly, which Hyungsik knew meant that he was annoyed.

“Well, we’ll have to stay late,” Seojoon countered, reaching for his stylus.

_ Seriously?! _

“It’s Friday!” Hyungsik protested, feeling like his afternoon is just leap-frogging from bad news to disaster.

“You have plans?” Seojoon asked, one eyebrow raised high in a way that always pisses Hyungsik off because he knows he’s being condescending.

“Not everyone likes to sit alone in a darkened room, all weekend,” Hyungsik countered, hearing his petulant tone and inwardly wincing.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” Seojoon laughed, “if you’ve got a deadline, you’ll have to work late anyway, right? I’m just saying that we should talk about it at some point today.”

“Fine,” Hyungsik exhaled, “see you in an hour.”

“Yeh,” Seojoon nodded, eyes fixed on his computer monitor.

***

Hyungsik seethed his way through his five o’clock meeting. 

He was lost in thought, frowning to himself, when one of his senior colleagues asked him a question and he didn’t notice.

“Hyungsik-ssi?” Yoo-jin pressed.

“Hmm?” he replied with a start, sitting up in his chair and leaning forward on the conference table.

“I asked if you’d be able to do a tour of the office and act as a mentor during Bo-young’s first week here?” Yoo-jin asked him.

“Bo-young? Right!” Hyungsik cried enthusiastically, despite not having a clue what his senior was talking about, “no problem!”

“She starts Monday, Hyungsik-ssi,” Yoo-jin eyed him skeptically, “are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

“Absolutely!” he beamed at her, trying to look reassuring, before making a reminder for himself in his phone.

“I’ll bring her to your office shall I? When we’re ready?” Yoo-jin asked.

“Sounds good,” he smiled, wondering to himself what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

As the meeting came to a close with a heated discussion about misuse of the catering budget, Hyungsik stood and inched himself towards the door before anyone could stop him, eyes on the clock and painfully aware of his fast approaching deadline.

He rushed back to his office, finding Seojoon lost in his work, soft music coming from the speakers on his desk. 

He had one hour to submit his presentation.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Hyungsik muttered to himself as he sat down at his desk and looked at the clock.

He heard the sound of Seojoon’s chair rolling across the office towards him.

“Don’t fucking say it!” Hyungsik cried, raising his hand in the general direction of Seojoon, who was now beside his desk. 

He opened the presentation he was working on, starting with the first page, the cursor blinking at him expectantly for words to accompany his art.

Seojoon slapped his hand away and dropped some papers on his desk.

“You should’ve finished this on Wednesday,” Seojoon said flatly, before wheeling himself back to his desk.

Hyungsik scowled at his screen, cursing him in his mind, before glancing at the papers he had left beside him. 

Seojoon had printed his presentation images and added in neat, black-inked lettering, suggested points for each slide. 

It was good. 

He was always good at this stuff. 

_ That smug bastard _ .

Hyungsik closed his eyes and sighed, before typing up Seojoon’s notes into each slide. 

Within forty-five minutes the entire presentation was done and Hyungsik was feeling good about it.

As he attached the presentation to an email to Siwon, he muttered quietly, “thank you, seonbae.”

Seojoon said nothing.

Hyungsik glanced at the clock. It was just before seven and he could feel his stomach growling.

He wheeled himself slowly over to Seojoon’s desk.

“Seonbae?” he started, using his patented-adorable voice which works with everyone but Seojoon, “shall we talk on Monday? About the job thing?”

Seojoon glanced up at him, face expressionless, lips parted slightly.

“We’ve got a month, hubae,” he started, “and, if you have your way, that means we’ll talk about it in thirty days time, by which time we’ll be locked in more indecision and the opportunity will be gone.”

“I won’t!” Hyungsik exclaimed, offering him a big smile, “I promise, we’ll talk about it first thing on Monday and we’ll have plenty of time to talk about it more next week!”

At that moment, Hyungsik’s phone buzzed in his pocket. 

Seojoon raised an eyebrow and Hyungsik involuntarily narrowed his eyes at him in annoyance.

“You have somewhere to be?” Seojoon asked flatly, before turning his attention back to the blue hues of digital paint on his large monitor.

Hyungsik rolled his eyes. He could feel this brewing into an argument or worse-still a Seojoon-freeze-out, which is when he sulks for days and refuses to talk normally with Hyungsik.

Hyungsik pulled out his phone. 

He had three messages from Taehyung:

**_Taehyung: I got out early so I’ll meet you there_ **

**_Taehyung: Want me to order for you?_ **

**_Taehyung: Where are you?_ **

Hyungsik rubbed his face with his hand.

“Seonbae-” he started.

“All I’m asking is for an hour, if that, hubae,” Seojoon interrupted him, turning his intense gaze back to Hyungsik, “if we talk about it tonight, we can both think about it over the weekend.”

Hyungsik stared at him before chuckling to himself bitterly.

“Fine!” he exclaimed, aggressively pushing himself away from Seojoon’s desk and wheeling his chair back towards his desk, “but we’re ordering food ‘cos I’m fucking starved. And alcohol.”

“Fine with me,” Seojoon muttered.

Hyungsik looked at his phone, before replying to Taehyung, his best friend and flat-mate:

**_Me: Sorry, Tae-Tae. Looks like I’ll be here a while. Eat without me - I’ll see you at home._ **

***

By 7.15pm, Seojoon and Hyungsik had four bottles of soju and a polystyrene container full of tteokbokki in front of them, on the low table in their office.

“Why did you order soju?” Seojoon complained, as he settled on the floor in front of the table.

_ I seriously can’t win with this fucking man. _

_ You can never predict what he’s gonna moan about. _

Hyungsik scowled at him.

“You can’t have beer with tteokbokki,” he countered.

“Yes you can,” Seojoon argued, picking up a bundle of rice cakes between his chopsticks and shoving them in his mouth.

“Well, I ordered  _ soju _ , so,” Hyungsik muttered, as he unscrewed the cap of the bottle closest to him.

He unceremoniously took a large swig from the bottle. 

It had been a long and painful day, and the torture still wasn’t over.

Seojoon watched him drink, eyes wide.

“What?” Hyungsik asked, barely concealing his irritation.

Seojoon raised his hands defensively, “what?”

“You’re staring at me like I’m shooting heroin in front of you or something. It’s just soju,” Hyungsik scowled.

“I know!” Seojoon exclaimed, sounding incredulous, “you’re just drinking a lot considering you didn’t even want to be here. I thought we were gonna eat, talk, then go home.”

Hyungsik shifted on the floor, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. 

He was right: Hyungsik  _ did  _ want to get home as quickly as possible.

But he also had a compulsion to get blind-drunk, faced with this conversation and Seojoon’s frown.

He watched with surprise as Seojoon grabbed a bottle and knocked back a huge gulp of the clear spirit, before wedging more tteokbokki into his mouth.

He nodded, eyebrows raised with surprise.

“It’s good actually,” Seojoon conceded, eyes on the rice cakes, “tteokbokki and soju, I mean.”

_ Wow. _

_ A rare concession. _

Hyungsik smirked to himself before grabbing a bundle of tteokbokki for himself, washing it down with a swig of soju.

By the time the polystyrene container was empty, they had each drank a bottle of soju.

“You should go for the job,” Hyungsik started, leaning back against the sofa, his cheeks slightly pink.

“I was gonna say the same to you. I don’t think I want to be in charge of all those people,” Seojoon explained, wiping at his mouth with a paper napkin.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Hyungsik gasped.

“What have I done now?!” Seojoon exclaimed.

Hyungsik leaned forward on the low table, pressing his index finger onto the wood.

“Let me get this straight: you wanted to stay late to talk about this, but you don’t even want the job?” he scowled.

Seojoon glared at him for a moment and Hyungsik was reminded of how terrifying he could be when he wanted to be.

“I knew you wouldn’t want to go for it either.” he explained, his face softening slightly, “I thought I could convince you.”

“But it’s PEG, seonbae!” Hyungsik cried, “a pay increase. Total autonomy over the work.”

“Yeah, all good reasons for you to take it,” Seojoon countered.

“Why are you trying to convince me?” Hyungsik asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at him, “I feel like you know this would be a bad idea and you just can’t wait to see me crash and burn.”

“Fucking, thanks!” Seojoon exclaimed, before opening another bottle of soju, “good to know what you think of me.”

Hyungsik felt suddenly guilty. He didn’t  _ really  _ think that about him.

“I just mean…” Hyungsik started, a desperate whine in his voice, “I would be so shit in that role. Look at what happened today. If it hadn’t been for you basically doing my work for me, Siwon would’ve killed me on Monday.”

“You can learn that shit,” Seojoon countered, “without me there to look after  _ baby-Hyungsik _ , you’d quickly adapt, to survive.”

“Baby-Hyungsik?” Hyungsik scowled. 

_ Condescending bastard _ .

“You’re good with people. That’s something you can’t really learn. Not at my age anyway,” Seojoon replied, ignoring Hyungsik’s glare and drinking more soju.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

“Yeah,” they both cried, eyes on the frosted glass.

The door opened and Siwon appeared.

“Why are you both still here?” he asked, before his eyes settled on the soju.

“We’ve got a work-thing to sort out,” Seojoon explained.

“Oh-kaay,” Siwon replied slowly, his eyes narrowing at them both as though he were suspicious, “I’ll shut off the lights shall I? Lock the main door?”

“We won’t be much longer, but yeah, thanks, Siwon-ssi,” Hyungsik called.

They watched as Siwon closed the door and the lights around their office were switched off.

Seojoon turned back to face Hyungsik, and Hyungsik laughed silently to himself at the sight of his flushed cheeks. 

Hyungsik found it hilarious to see him looking like that.

He had seen him drunk plenty of times before at work outings, but under the harsh lighting of the office it just seemed absurd to see him looking so… undignified.

Hyungsik let out a laugh.

Seojoon looked at him, eyebrows slightly raised. A warning sign of annoyance.

“What?” Seojoon asked, cheeks pink but expression serious.

Hyungsik laughed again.

“Nothing, seonbae,” he replied with a smirk, taking another sip of soju, eyes on the table in front of him.

“So, does that mean you’re gonna go for it?” Seojoon asked.

“Does  _ what  _ mean I’m gonna go for it?” Hyungsik looked up at him with a frown.

“You told Siwon we wouldn’t be much longer. I thought that meant you’d made a decision?” Seojoon replied, before a small hiccup escaped from between his lips.

Hyungsik stared at him for a moment before erupting into hysterics, collapsing onto the table.

It was several minutes before he recovered and when he sat up he found a very haughty looking Seojoon, coughing and looking fairly humiliated.

“Sorry,” he muttered through a fit of coughs.

Hyungsik battled another compulsion to laugh, “oh my god. Was that an actual hiccup?!”

“You say that like I’m not human or something,” Seojoon complained, reaching for more soju.

“Well…” Hyungsik started, an eyebrow raised but eyes on the table, unable to meet Seojoon’s glare.

Seojoon glanced at the clock, his brow furrowed, and impatience in his voice, “we’ve been here nearly half an hour, hubae.”

“I don’t know why you’re blaming me!” Hyungsik cried, “I can’t help it if the sound of a tiny dog whimpering just came out of the stiffest man on the planet, which caused me to lose control of myself momentarily.”

“It was just a hiccup,” Seojoon muttered quietly, before sipping more soju.

“But it was  _ you  _ that hiccuped, seonbae,” Hyungsik laughed, watching him squirm, “I didn’t even know that was something you did. I’ve known you two years and just assumed that you had somehow ascended the need for bodily functions of any kind, apart from eating and drinking copious amounts.”

Seojoon shifted on the floor, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them.

“Can we get back on-topic?” he murmured quietly.

_ Ugh. _

_ The topic. _

Hyungsik’s smile faded and he sighed.

“I don’t want the job, but I also  _ do  _ want the job,” Hyungsik admitted.

Seojoon looked at the carpet.

“I love the idea of it, but I think I would really struggle managing all those people,” Seojoon confessed, looking a little miserable, “I think you’d be a better fit for it.”

Hyungsik stood up and strode over to his desk. 

He rifled through the papers in one of his trays and returned to stand beside Seojoon at the table, clutching a pile of documents.

He raised a paper-clipped report from the top of the stack.

“April, you wrote this report for me because I was behind with the dungeon deadline.” 

Hyungsik waved the report before throwing it on the floor.

He grabbed the next document.

“Oh, this one was last Christmas, you had to write  _ and  _ deliver this entire presentation because I insisted on doing it and then forgot!” 

Hyungsik threw the presentation up in the air, and the clip slipped, scattering sheets of paper all over the office.

“Okay, I get your point,” Seojoon frowned, as several sheets feel on his legs, “you’re making a mess.”

Hyungsik ignored him and plucked the next document from the pile, suddenly aware of how drunk he felt.

“Oh my god, this one!” Hyungsik laughed, before fanning himself with the pages, and looking down at Seojoon, “this one I did and was gonna email it to the partner before you pointed out I had spelled the game’s title wrong, in like, a thousand different ways, so we both had to fix that at the last minute ‘cos find and replace didn’t pick them all up!”

Hyungsik tossed the paperwork over Seojoon’s head and it landed with a thud behind him.

“I remember and I get what you’re saying, you can stop now,” Seojoon pleaded, looking tired, his cheeks still flushed red.

Hyungsik looked down at the next very thick document, the bulldog clip barely holding it together.

“This is the motherlode!” Hyungsik beamed, clutching it and waving it at Seojoon, “the outline for the L.A. branch. Six hundred pages, twenty of which were my work, but submitted with  _ both  _ of our names on it.”

Hyungsik made to throw the document and Seojoon stood quickly, grabbing his wrist to stop him.

“Stop now!” Seojoon cried.

“Do you see my point though?!” Hyungsik exclaimed back at him, trying to maneuver his wrist out of Seojoon’s grip.

“I already  _ said  _ I get your point, a few documents ago!” Seojoon shouted, “can you just stop?”

“The fact is: I’m a human disaster when it comes to all the admin!” Hyungsik exclaimed, feeling suddenly anguished and disappointed with himself. This was an amazing opportunity after all.

_ Fuck it. _

_ Making a mess is cathartic right now. _

He flicked his wrist as hard as he could in spite of Seojoon’s hand clamped around it, and the bulldog clip snapped off, sending 600 sheets of paper flying around them.

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon, expecting to find at best: a scowl, at worst: rage, but instead Seojoon was looking at him with a sympathetic expression.

“You’re too hard on yourself, hubae,” Seojoon said, in a soft voice, something rarely used when talking to Hyungsik.

_ Huh _ .

_ This is new. _

_ And weird. _

Hyungsik suddenly felt incredibly awkward and oddly: bashful.

He darted his eyes away from Seojoon’s, and looked at his hand still wrapped around his wrist.

Seojoon noticed and released his hand, having seemingly forgotten he was still holding onto him.

Hyungsik coughed and blinked, returning his gaze to the stack of documents resting on his right forearm.

“Anyway,” he started, still blinking rapidly and feeling suddenly awkward, “I think it’s pretty obvious that I would fail spectacularly at that job.”

Hyungsik returned the documents to his desk, and sat down on the sofa.

He watched as Seojoon began picking up the paper from the floor, too embarrassed to move.

Finally, shame got the better of him and he started helping Seojoon clean up the mess from his tantrum.

After a moment of silence between them, the only sound being the shuffle of papers, Seojoon spoke.

“We enable one another’s bad habits, hubae,” he offered quietly, “if I hadn’t started doing this stuff, you would’ve been forced to learn and become more confident with it. It’s just as much my fault as it is yours. I thought I was helping but I realise now that I’ve been holding you back really…”

_ I… _

_ This is… unusual. _

_ Why is he being like this suddenly? _

Hyungsik sat down, the last of the papers gathered on his lap and Seojoon followed him, placing the papers in his hands onto the low table beside him.

He regarded Seojoon.

For some reason he felt weird and it occurred to him then, that this was the first time they had ever been drunk together. 

During work outings, Seojoon tended to get dragged away by a guy from Diagnostics, someone Hyungsik didn’t know much about but assumed they were old friends. 

Hyungsik had seen him drunk and found the novelty of it hilarious from a distance, but this was different.

They were alone and Seojoon was suddenly acting really differently. 

It was a side to him that Hyungsik had never seen before and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

Seojoon glanced at him and Hyungsik looked away quickly, reaching for his bottle of soju and taking a huge, nervous swig.

The truth was, Hyungsik had found him attractive from the moment he met him two years ago and it had rapidly become a source of frustration for him as he got to know Seojoon.

He was stubborn, closed-off, had a vague air of smugness - or so it seemed to Hyungsik - and had always insisted they use honorifics, even as they got to know one another and considering there was only four years between them.

Seojoon was tall, the same height as Hyungsik almost exactly, around six foot one. He had a slim build with suspiciously muscular upper arms, something which Hyungsik knew he hadn’t developed from his work as an illustrator. 

He wore an undercut and styled his hair back off of his face and combined with his impossibly handsome face and impeccable dress-sense, he gave off the aura of someone who knew how hot they were.

It was infuriating to Hyungsik that he always looked so good and he frequently told himself off for thinking it.

Hyungsik hadn’t discussed his sexuality with anyone at work, in fact, the only people who knew he was gay was Taehyung, a very small group of friends, and the three men that he had dated.

It wasn’t exactly something you could be open about in Korea.

As for Seojoon, Hyungsik had always assumed that sex - intimacy of any kind - was something that he had long ago discarded as a human function that he no longer needed, in favour of concentrating on his work. Or maybe he was just asexual.

He had never seen Seojoon flirt or heard him talk about a partner - in fact, rarely did he mention his personal life. Hyungsik had never made any assumptions about his sexuality.

All of this had led Hyungsik to believe that Seojoon was purposefully keeping him at arm's length. Either he did this to everyone, or he really didn’t see Hyungsik as someone he could become close with or even friends with.

Hyungsik had gotten used to seeing him that way.

Tonight though, he seemed different.

“Have I pissed you off?” Seojoon asked him, snapping Hyungsik out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Hyungsik managed, eyes-wide and darting away from his face, “er, no.”

Seojoon seemed to be watching him closely and so all Hyungsik could do was avoid his gaze and drink more soju. 

He was feeling progressively more awkward as the seconds went by between them. 

Maybe it was the soju or maybe it was Seojoon’s sudden change, but Hyungsik just didn’t know how to act anymore.

Hyungsik looked at the clock. It was just before eight.

“What if I helped you with the report writing and presentations?” Seojoon offered, suddenly.

Darting his eyes back briefly to Seojoon, Hyungsik realised that he looked very tired.

Hyungsik looked at his hands.

“Why do you want me to apply for this job so badly?” Hyungsik asked, quietly.

“It’s not that, I’m not trying to get rid of you or anything…” Seojoon trailed off, looking out of the window of their tenth storey office, “I just think that one of us should get it, and of the two of us, you would be really good at looking after that many people. They’d love you.”

Hyungsik was stunned. 

It’s not like Seojoon had never been nice before, but it was usually hidden behind a joke or offered as an accompaniment to an insult. 

That was just the nature of their working relationship.

This was different.

This was an unfiltered, bare-faced… compliment?

_ What the hell is happening? _

“Is this some elaborate joke?” Hyungsik asked, leaning away from him and narrowing his eyes, “I feel like I’m missing something.”

Seojoon looked genuinely a little wounded then.

“What? No,” he started, “Why do you think that?”

“Seonbae, you’re being weird,” Hyungsik admitted, trying to return their conversation to the argumentative banter that their working relationship was built on.

“Am I?” Seojoon asked then, looking at the paper on his lap.

He looked crushed and Hyungsik felt guilty and a little sick all at once.

_ I don’t know how to read this situation but something’s definitely up. _

“You never-” Hyungsik started, before Seojoon spoke again.

“I feel bad,” he admitted.

“Bad? Bad about what?” Hyungsik frowned, watching him as he peered intently at his fingernails.

Seojoon looked up at him, meeting his questioning gaze.

“Like I said before, I shouldn’t have just done all that stuff. How were you ever supposed to learn like that?” Seojoon clarified.

_ Okay, so he’s just feeling guilty for some reason? _

“For fuck’s sake, seonbae!” Hyungsik cried, “I’m not your son. You didn’t raise me! That wasn’t your responsibility, that’s on me for being lazy and depending on you too much.”

“But as your senior-” Seojoon started to argue.

“You take all of that stuff way too seriously, seonbae.” Hyungsik interrupted with a laugh, “You know that the others talk to me about stuff, rather than you because you make it so obvious you don’t want to talk, right? Is  _ that  _ normal for a senior?”

Seojoon looked back at his hands and said nothing.

Another very weird moment, in a run of weird moments this evening.

_ Shit, we’re still being serious about this are we? _

Hyungsik had fully anticipated: “are you trying to make me feel worse?!” or some such angry retort.

Hyungsik felt bad again.

No matter what he did, he couldn’t get things back to ‘normal’ - their ‘normal’ at least.

“Have I pissed  _ you  _ off?” Hyungsik asked, lowering his voice slightly.

To his surprise, Seojoon laughed and started to stand.

“Nope,” he said with a laugh that Hyungsik couldn’t decide was bitter or sarcastic. 

He placed the pile of papers on Hyungsik’s desk, and started to gather the empty soju bottles from the table.

“What’s happening here? Are you going?” Hyungsik asked quietly. He couldn’t explain it, but this entire situation was making him feel incredibly anxious.

“We can talk again next week,” Seojoon said quietly, throwing the bottles and the food packaging into a carrier bag.

Hyungsik stood as Seojoon pulled his jacket on.

“Okay…” Hyungsik replied, making it obvious how confused he was by Seojoon’s sudden decision to leave, “but I can’t help but feel like… are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Seojoon replied quietly, avoiding Hyungsik’s gaze and straightening the collar of his own jacket.

Hyungsik felt even worse. 

This wasn’t a normal Seojoon sulk or freeze-out.

This was something new.

Hyungsik had a strong sense that he shouldn’t let whatever it was fester and in his drunken haze, he felt defiant about it.

“Something’s up, I can tell,” Hyungsik said, as Seojoon headed for the door of their office, “I feel like I’ve pissed you off on some whole new level or something?”

“Just forget it,” Seojoon said, clearly making every effort to sound fine and offering a weak smile to Hyungsik as he reached for the door.

Hyungsik stepped forward, blocking his path and the doorway.

He misjudged the distance and found himself alarmingly close to Seojoon.

Swallowing hard, he tried not let his fear of his haughty officemate overwhelm him.

He pressed his hand to Seojoon’s chest, only to put a little more distance between them, but Hyungsik started to panic.

_ Am I being weirdly aggressive? _

_ ‘Cos, that was accidental. _

_ Countdown until he loses his shit at me... _

“I don’t think…” Hyungsik started, his voice quiet as his confidence was dropping by the second, “...you should go without telling me what I did to upset you.”

Seojoon looked at him, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised with surprise.

It was at that moment that Hyungsik noticed his eyes dart towards Hyungsik’s lips.

_ Oh _ .

What the...

_ jfklsdlfjsldjkfjsldfj... _

Despite everything he had told himself about this man and their relationship, he felt his heart hammering in his chest and found himself unable to look away from Seojoon’s lips.

Emboldened by two bottles of soju, Hyungsik felt sure that he was reading the situation correctly and in a manner that was typical for him, he threw caution to the wind, reaching out for Seojoon, wrapping his hands behind his head, pulling his face close and pressing their lips together.

The second that passed before Seojoon reacted, felt like a terrifying eternity, as Hyungsik wavered and his confidence plummeted. 

_ Shit, this is bad.  _

_ This is Seojoon.  _

_ What the fuck am I doing?! _

Then Seojoon’s hands were in his hair and he felt himself collide with the door behind him. 

And then Seojoon’s tongue was in his mouth.

_ Is this really happening? _

_ This is Seojoon. _

Hyungsik could feel himself rapidly losing any control over himself and the situation. At that moment, he didn’t care either. 

All he knew is that it felt good. More than good.

His thoughts quickly turned to sex as they kissed, finding himself more turned on with every lap of his tongue. 

Seojoon tasted of soju and his hair was thick and soft. 

Could they have sex? Here, in their office? 

He wanted to.

_ Fuck, I want to. _

He pressed himself against Seojoon and could feel that he wasn’t the only one.

Seojoon rolled his hips, grinding Hyungsik against the door, and moved his mouth to his neck.

Hyungsik could feel him licking and sucking at his neck, knowing it was going to leave marks but he was long past the point of caring about that.

He let out a quiet, breathy moan, which must’ve sounded like a gasp because Seojoon suddenly stopped and pulled away, looking at him and breathing heavily.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking flushed and dishevelled, his hair falling forward over his forehead.

_ He looks fucking amazing _ .

“Yeah, don’t stop,” Hyungsik pleaded, breathlessly, tugging at Seojoon’s jacket, trying to pull it off of him.

But Seojoon was looking at the floor now and Hyungsik could feel the moment slipping away.

“We can’t do this,” Seojoon muttered, meeting his gaze.

“You don’t want to?” Hyungsik asked, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt, feeling the familiar mix of lust and vulnerability that generally precedes sex.

“I do. It’s just…” Seojoon trailed off, before raising a hand to Hyungsik’s neck, sweeping his thumb over the area he was licking, seconds before.

“Don’t think, for once in your life, don’t think,” Hyungsik urged him, leaning forward to brush his lips against Seojoon’s.

Hyungsik fumbled with the lock on the door behind him. There was no-one in the office this late but just in case, he locked it anyway.

He turned to his jacket, which was hanging on the hooks behind the door and dug out his wallet, finding the prize he had been desperately searching for: the condom that he had carried around with him for eight long and lonely months.

Wheeling around with urgency, desperate not to lose the moment, Hyungsik found Seojoon sitting on the sofa, his hands in his hair and his elbows on his knees.

Hyungsik hurried to his side and pulled his hands away from his face, working his way up his arms and pulling him close, their lips meeting again.

“We can’t do this here,” Seojoon whispered in the brief moment that their lips parted.

Hyungsik ignored him and started removing his jacket, before pressing the condom into his hand.

“Fuck…” Seojoon managed to whisper, and that was all the confirmation Hyungsik needed.

He removed his shirt and Seojoon’s, momentarily falling into a daze at the sight of his muscular torso, and pulled Seojoon into another kiss, sliding himself back down onto the sofa, pulling Seojoon on top of him.

He smelled of fabric softener, coconut and coffee.

Every one of his movements turned Hyungsik on more.

It was intoxicating.

As they had sex, he was gentle and attentive but Hyungsik could feel how much he wanted him as they both moved faster and faster, and it made Hyungsik feel incredible.

He didn’t know what this meant, but the fear and paranoia could set in later.

For now, this felt so good.

***

They dressed themselves in silence and Hyungsik noticed a frown settle back on Seojoon’s face as he cleaned the sofa and winced as he bundled up the blanket that was draped over it, pressing it into the plastic bag with the soju bottles.

Hyungsik rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly nervous and awkward again.

“I can take that and wash it?” he offered, meekly.

“It’s cool,” Seojoon replied, offering a small smile, “I’ll take it.”

Seojoon looked momentarily lost, before sitting himself down on the sofa.

Hyungsik sat down beside him, and his mind started racing with every thought that he had put on hold, twenty-five minutes ago.

He looked around at their office.

Did he really just have sex with Seojoon? 

In their office? 

The one in which they had argued on a daily basis for the last two years?

Hyungsik let out a laugh and fell back into the sofa, pushing his hair back with both of his hands.

“What’s funny?” Seojoon asked, turning to look at him.

Hyungsik tilted his head at him, “what’s  _ not  _ funny?”

“Hyungsik-ah…” Seojoon started.

This was the first time he had ever said his name.

Hyungsik liked how he said it.

He leaned forward on the sofa, looking into Seojoon’s eyes.

“What?” he asked playfully, feeling suddenly very happy and significantly less intimidated by him.

“I don’t know much about  _ your  _ life, but that wasn’t a typical Friday night for me,” Seojoon replied, returning to his old, slightly haughty self.

“I’m not a slut, if that’s what you’re trying to say,” Hyungsik cried, incredulously.

Seojoon let out a huff.

“Did I say that? That’s not what I meant,” Seojoon scowled, “you just seemed to think it was funny.”

“Yes. I do. I do think it’s funny that we fucked in our office,” Hyungsik stated, plainly, “I don’t think that’s an unusual response to this situation, if there’s a usual one.”

Seojoon glared at him.

“Why are you being like this?!” Hyungsik asked, exasperated.

“How am I being exactly?” Seojoon returned, eyebrows raised.

Hyungsik sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

“I don’t know,” he said finally, “you seem… defensive.”

“Maybe I just don’t know how I’m meant to act in this situation,” Seojoon admitted, his scowl softening.

“I’m pretty sure  _ no-one _ does, but I don’t know why you’re snapping at me,” Hyungsik grumbled.

Seojoon buried his head in his hands.

“Sorry,” Hyungsik heard him say.

Hyungsik moved closer to him and nudged him with his knee.

He leaned close to his ear and whispered with a very cheeky smile, “that was good for you too though, right?”

Seojoon didn’t look up, but simply nodded in agreement.

Hyungsik couldn’t see his face but could tell from the shift in his ears that he was smiling to himself.

He moved his hand onto Seojoon’s leg.

“Shall we go?” he asked brightly.

Seojoon looked up then, turning to look at the clock behind them.

“Shit, yeah. We should go,” he agreed, “Security do their sweep at nine.”

“Fuck, really?” Hyungsik replied, feeling horrified at the thought that they could’ve been caught and suddenly panicked.

As they hurried out of the office and the huge glass building in which their company was based, they said nothing to one another, only exchanging glances that veered from awkward, to bashful, to knowing laughter, and back again.

Outside, the air was hot and humid, and Hyungsik removed his jacket as they paused by the entrance.

“See you Monday then, I guess,” Seojoon laughed, slightly awkwardly.

Hyungsik smirked at him, “yep, see you Monday!”

They parted with broad smiles on their faces.

***


	2. A Friend of Dorothy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungsik tries to end things with Seojoon before they both get in too deep, but, of course, in true chaos-demon style, he fails miserably.
> 
> His best friend Taehyung is there to offer words of wisdom as well as enjoying his front seat for all the drama.

It was close to ten by the time Hyungsik got home.

As he opened the door to his apartment, the entranceway light came on and he removed his trainers without bothering with the laces, feeling suddenly exhausted.

He found Taehyung asleep on the sofa, the TV still on.

Hyungsik poured a mug of water and fell back into the sofa next to Taehyung. 

He felt spent. Which he was.

“When did you get home?” Taehyung croaked, eyes blinking in the light of the TV.

“Literally two minutes ago,” Hyungsik replied.

Taehyung sat up on the sofa, rubbing his eyes and stretching his legs out.

“So, something really insane happened to me tonight,” Hyungsik starts, turning to look at his best friend.

“Yeah?” Taehyung looked suddenly awake and eager, “now that I look at you, I’m gonna guess that you either got into a fight or… YOU HAD SEX?!”

Hyungsik laughed hysterically.

“Do I look that bad?” he asked finally, starting to get up so he could look in a mirror, but Taehyung grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the sofa.

“Well, which is it?” Taehyung cried, “you look too happy for it to have been a fight but I can’t figure out how in the hell you had sex.”

“Me neither to be honest,” Hyungsik admitted, “you’re not gonna believe me when I tell you.”

Taehyung looked at him with anticipation, like a starved man before a banquet.

“Wait, your neck!” Taehyung suddenly exclaimed.

Hyungsik moved his hand to his neck self-consciously, feeling for any abnormalities.

“What?” he asked him imploringly.

“Hyung, your neck is covered in hickeys?!” Taehyung’s eyes were wide, and he looked like he was going to explode if Hyungsik didn’t explain himself soon.

“Can I tell you the short version? I think I really need sleep,” Hyungsik pleaded with him, a smile on his lips.

“I guess so,” Taehyung grumbled, his eyes on Hyungsik’s neck, “as long as you give me all the deets tomorrow.”

“I promise,” Hyungsik assured him, closing his eyes for a moment.

Taehyung shook his arm and slapped him gently on the cheek.

“Yah!” he exclaimed, “tell me what happened!”

Hyungsik sat up on the sofa, in an attempt to wake himself up a little.

“I had sex with Seojoon-ssi,” he admitted. Hearing the words out loud made it that much more surreal.

Taehyung said nothing but stared at him, mouth wide open, completely aghast.

“In our office,” Hyungsik added, wincing.

Taehyung’s mouth opened wider.

“Is this a joke?” he said finally, still looking stunned.

“Not a joke, no,” Hyungsik shook his head and pushed his fingers through his hair.

“What the fuck, hyung?!” Taehyung exclaimed, “have you completely lost your mind?!”

Hyungsik expected a strong reaction from him, but not in this way. He thought he would relish the drama of it all but instead he seemed... angry?

“We didn’t plan for it to happen,” Hyungsik explained, defensively, “we’d had a bit to drink and… it had been a really weird day… we both kinda got a job offer and… I don’t know, things got weird and… we ended up kissing and... we both wanted to…”

“You’re gonna lose your job!” Taehyung cried, “you don’t even like him! What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I do like him!” Hyungsik shouted back, “just not like that. Or so I thought anyway, but after tonight…”

Taehyung seemed distracted for a moment, his face softening.

He looked away, staring at the TV, before side-eyeing Hyungsik.

“What was it like?” he asked quietly, looking conflicted about his interest.

Hyungsik closed his eyes.

“I hope that you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t say this lightly,” Hyungsik started with a groan, “but it was _fucking amazing_.”

He looked at Taehyung, who just stared back at him in disbelief.

“You have no idea how confused I am right now,” Taehyung admitted.

Hyungsik laughed at that.

“You’re in good company there,” Hyungsik chuckled, rubbing his eyes.

“I mean, it’s been obvious to me for quite some time that you thirsted after him, and the lady did protest a little too much about everything he did,” Taehyung explained with raised eyebrows.

“What?!” Hyungsik protested, “I didn’t thirst after him!”

“Aish! You did!” Taehyung scowled, “don’t even try to deny it, especially to me!”

“I’ve always thought he was hot, in an uptight, terrifying kind of way,” Hyungsik admitted sheepishly, “but I didn’t thirst after him!”

“Anyway, the fact of the matter is, the way you described him, I thought he was this sexless duke or something!” Taehyung complained, “how did he go from _that_ , to having _fucking amazing_ sex with you on a random Friday night?!”

Hyungsik looked dumbfounded.

The truth was: he was wondering that himself.

“I honestly don’t know,” Hyungsik admitted.

Taehyung sighed.

“Something must’ve happened to trigger that?” he asked, “who initiated it?”

“Well me, sort of,” Hyungsik said with a frown, trying to remember how it all started.

“Did you kiss him first?” Taehyung asked impatiently, with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, yeah but-” he started to protest.

“Then there’s no ‘sort of’ about it,” Taehyung added.

Hyungsik scowled at him.

“You weren’t there. He was being really weird before that, being… complementary. And then he got kind of defensive and hurt when I asked him why he was being so nice.”

“So?”

“So! He was making things weird between us.”

“Aren’t you always fighting though?”

“This wasn’t fighting. This was the opposite. He wouldn’t fight with me and seemed… kinda sad.”

“So, what, you decided to fuck him cos he was sad?”

“Fuck off, Tae!”

“It still sounds like you initiated it to me,” Taehyung concluded.

“But it wasn’t out of nowhere!” Hyungsik frowned, “it pretty much started with the job offer. Seojoon-ssi really wanted me to go for it and seemed all… melancholic, I guess?”

“Wait,” Taehyung narrowed his eyes, “this job offer, one of you will be going for it right?”

“That’s what Gwa Jang-nim told us - one of us has to be put forward for it and we have to decide who,” Hyunsik explained.

“Okay, I have so many questions about _that_ , but we’ll save that for after you’ve showered and slept,” Taehyung laughed, “but I think I finally get it.”

“Get what?” Hyungsik frowned at him.

“He’s into you. Obviously has been for some time,” Taehyung nodded matter-of-factly, “he was sad at the thought of you guys not working together anymore.”

“Aish, no!” Hyungsik laughed, “you don’t know him like I do.”

“That much is evident,” Taehyung side-eyed him.

Hyungsik rolled his eyes.

“I mean, I think I would’ve noticed if he’d been into me,” Hyungsik countered.

“So, you think he got all weird and melancholic for no real reason and then decided on a whim to have sex with you?” Taehyung smirked, looking pleased with himself.

Hyungsik felt as though someone had hit a gong inside his head.

_He’s into me?_

Taehyung leaned close to him and whispered with a grin: “the best sex is when there’s longing.” 

***

Sunlight poured in through the blinds of Hyungsik’s bedroom window, waking him far, far earlier than he would’ve liked on a Saturday morning and he cursed himself for the thousandth time for not installing black-out curtains.

The apartment that he shared with Taehyung was located in Bucheon, just South-West of Seoul, and a slightly cheaper area to live, for those working in Seoul, as he did. 

He was lucky enough to own it, having had help from his affluent, upper-middle class parents to pull together the deposit.

Taehyung was technically his lodger, but he only asked for money towards paying the bills. Hyungsik paid for the mortgage himself, something he felt great pride about, especially when he finally landed his dream job, with the highest salary he had ever earned.

It was a small apartment, consisting of two bedrooms, an open planned, compact kitchen/living space and a somewhat cramped bathroom.

But it was his.

He had every intention of returning the money given to him by his parents for the deposit, so that he could have total independence and not feel indebted to them. He had been saving for six years and was getting tantalisingly close to his goal. 

Hyungsik knew what most people probably thought of him: rich, spoiled brat, who had everything handed to him in life with no concept of the harsh realities of the ‘real world’.

Maybe that was partially true, but Hyungsik fought hard not to be that stereotype and as for harsh realities: being gay in Korea was hardly a picnic.

As Hyungsik reached for his phone on his bedside table, his thoughts immediately turned to Seojoon and everything that happened the previous day.

He didn’t know what he expected really, but he had to admit to himself that he was more than a little disappointed to find no notifications on his phone.

He tapped on his messages and scrolled down to the last conversation he had had with Seojoon.

**_Seojoon: The meeting’s started_ **

**_Me: I’ll be five minutes_ **

He scrolled up through the messages.

A few exchanges about coffee orders, one gruff argument about a report Hyungsik had forgotten about and several exchanges about upcoming projects.

Then he lingered over a message he had received from him several months ago.

**_Seojoon: Where are you?_ **

That was that night that they had been drinking near Itaewon. 

Most of their division was there, around twenty-five of them, including Diagnostics. 

It stuck in his mind because there was a long, drawn out argument amongst the group about where to go next, half of them wanting to go to a karaoke bar, the other half wanted to go clubbing.

Hyungsik remembered Seojoon had been dragged over to the table with the Diagnostic team by that same guy that always seemed to pull him away. Their eyes had met a few times that evening, from across the tables. 

Hyungsik was always fascinated by Seojoon when he was drunk, especially when he laughed.

He always laughed when he was with that guy from Diagnostics. 

Hyungsik felt an intense pang of jealousy at the thought of it.

While the group were arguing, Hyungsik had gotten up from the table to use the bathroom and when he returned, most of them were gone, apart from Jung-eum and Siwon. They dragged him out of the restaurant in the direction of the karaoke bar.

When they arrived, Seojoon and that guy from Diagnostics were nowhere to be found, as well as a handful of others from their division.

The next morning, head sore from the previous night’s soju consumption, Hyungsik found the text message from him, received shortly after they all left the restaurant.

**_Seojoon: Where are you?_ **

He had never replied to that message and thought nothing of it.

But now, Hyungsik couldn’t shake the feeling that it may have meant something.

_What if he had wanted me to go with them._

_If I’d gone with them, could something have happened between us that night?_

_Aish, now I’m over-analysing everything._

_“He’s into you. Obviously has been for some time. He was sad at the thought of you guys not working together anymore.”_

Taehyung’s words echoed in his mind.

He looked at his phone and sighed in frustration.

_What the hell would I say to him anyway?!_

_“Hey! Great lay last night! We should do it again sometime! Have a good Saturday!”_

After a long protracted argument with himself, Hyungsik decided that he needed a second opinion, so crept to Taehyung’s bedroom, finding him fast asleep in his darkened room.

Hyungsik climbed into bed with him, diving under the covers and making no effort not to wake him. He wrapped his arm around his chest and nuzzled his hair.

Hyungsik loved Taehyung like a brother.

Their families were extremely close, their fathers both being board directors for the same large corporation. They went on holidays together and practically lived at one another’s apartments. 

There were four years between them: Hyungsik was 29 and Taehyung 25, and Hyungsik could remember vividly, when Taehyung’s parents brought baby Taehyung to their home. Hyungsik was four at the time, but he immediately felt an intense love for him and they had been inseparable ever since.

Taehyung stirred beside him in the bed and Hyungsik heard him groan.

“What time is it?” he complained with a croak.

“Just after eight, I think,” Hyungsik replied, feeling a little sheepish.

“It’s Saturday!” Taehyung complained quietly, burying his face in his pillow, “let me sleep.”

“I know, sorry, Tae-Tae, but…” Hyungsik paused, before shaking Taehyung’s shoulder, “I’m _freaking out_.”

Taehyung exhaled loudly, before turning on the bed and swinging his arm stroppily over Hyungsik.

“If it’s about Mr. Fucking Amazing, can you at least get me some coffee,” Taehyung moaned, his hair stuck up at odd angles.

Hyungsik nodded enthusiastically, offering the cutest expression of gratitude he could muster, in his arsenal of cute expressions.

Taehyung rolled his eyes.

Several minutes later, they both sat in Taehyung’s bed, with steaming mugs of coffee in their hands.

After a few sips of coffee, Taehyung spoke first.

“Okay, so, harsh reality time, hyung,” he started, looking uncharacteristically stern, “you know you need to stop with whatever this is with him, right?”

Hyungsik gaped at him, blinking rapidly.

“Hyung, you can’t have a fling or a relationship with someone you work with,” Taehyung continued, resting a hand on Hyungsik’s knee, “if you start something with him and someone at that company finds out, you’ll both definitely lose your jobs.”

Hyungsik looked at the mug of coffee in his hands.

He felt suddenly sick.

“I’m betting he knows this too,” Taehyung continued, his voice softening, “it’s why nothing’s happened between you before, even though he’s clearly been into you for a while.”

Hyungsik was sure that Taehyung was right, and he was surprised by how disappointed he was. 

In fact, he would go so far to say that he felt crushed.

“Are you ready to admit that you like him now?” Taehyung asked, leaning close to meet his gaze, “you have to stop this before you develop feelings for him. I don’t want to see you get hurt, hyung.”

“What if it’s too late for that?” Hyungsik asked sadly, eyes still on his coffee, unable to meet Taehyung’s gaze.

“I knew it,” Taehyung sighed.

“It’s really complicated and I can’t really explain it but… you have no idea how much I want to see where this goes, Tae-Tae,” Hyungsik admitted glumly.

“But you get why you can’t, right?” Taehyung urged him, squeezing his knee gently.

“Fuck,” Hyungsik managed to say, before ruffling his already messy hair, in an aggressive gesture of frustration.

He knew, somehow in the back of his mind, behind the fog of alcohol and lust, that his decision to coax Seojoon into having sex with him, would be a very bad one.

But this felt worse than he anticipated.

He didn’t expect for the sex to be like that.

He didn’t expect to feel something.

“We need to do whatever we can this weekend to help you shake this off,” Taehyung asserted, “I’ll bet he’ll be doing the same.”

Hyungsik thought of Seojoon’s face.

The sad expression he had worn as they discussed Hyungsik’s professional failings, Seojoon telling him that he felt responsible.

_What if he’s not?_

_What if he wants to see where this goes too?_

Then he thought of haughty Seojoon. 

Ever-professional Seojoon. 

Sensible, serious and mature Seojoon.

_He’s definitely going to shut this down._

“You’re right,” Hyungsik said then, feeling suddenly convinced that this was for the best, “thanks for saving me from myself, Tae-Tae.”

Taehyung smiled at him.

“This is what we do,” he laughed, “we’re both spectacularly impulsive, so we have to look out for one another!”

“It’s what makes us so charming,” Hyungsik said with a grin, resting his chin in the crook of his outstretched thumb and index finger.

“The height of charm and sophistication!” Taehyung beamed, puffing out his cheeks and mimicking Hyungsik’s gesture.

***

Hyungsik did his best not to think about Seojoon all weekend.

Taehyung had tried to convince him that it might not be a bad idea for them to go clubbing on Saturday night, and it wouldn’t hurt if he ended up hooking up with someone.

Hyungsik was reluctant however, so they settled on getting blind-drunk at a bar in Itaewon with a group of their friends, ending the night with karaoke and soju bombs.

During the course of the evening, he had been approached by several men and enjoyed brief flirtatious encounters with them, before telling them: sorry, he was in a relationship.

Whilst he knew he had to get over whatever this was, things felt too raw to him for now and he wasn’t really one for casual hook-ups anyway, despite what people assumed about him.

He couldn’t stop Seojoon from filling his thoughts when his mind was idle.

He wondered what he was doing.

On Sunday, Taehyung had dragged him out for hangover soup in Bucheon and they ended up shopping, something that had the fleeting effect of making him feel a little better, if only for a little while.

By the time Monday rolled around, Hyungsik had settled into a resigned mindset about Seojoon.

Nothing could happen between them.

He was having an especially vivid dream about being trapped in a subway in Seoul, when he woke with a start, feeling stressed and disorientated.

Reaching for his phone, he rubbed his eyes.

Hyungsik was horrified to see that it was a little before nine.

He had somehow managed to sleep through all four of his alarms and was going to be extremely late for work.

Then he noticed an unread message notification.

A message from Seojoon.

**_Seojoon: Where are you?_ **

He felt his stomach lurch.

Taking a deep breath, he quickly typed a reply:

**_Me: Sorry, I overslept. Will be there as soon as I can but I’ll miss the 9am meeting so go on without me._ **

He imagined how Seojoon might be feeling and couldn’t help but wonder if Taehyung was wrong about him.

He tried to fight the urge to add something playful, flirtatious or even just more familiar, before another message appeared from Seojoon:

**_Seojoon: Don’t stress. I’ll cover for you._ **

Hyungsik stared at the words on the screen.

He had no time to sit and analyse it, even though he wanted to. 

Leaping out of bed, he rushed to get ready for work.

***

Just before ten, Hyungsik rushed through the sliding glass doors of their company offices, slowing his pace as he spotted Yoo-jin waiting by reception with a short, very pretty young woman of roughly the same age as Hyungsik.

_Fuck._

_The intern._

“I’m so sorry, seonbae!” Hyungsik gasped, between laboured breaths, “I overslept!”

Yoo-jin frowned at him, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes with suspicion. 

“Seojoon-ssi said you were called away for a meeting?” she said, sounding mildly amused.

**_I’ll cover for you._ **

_Fuck_.

Hyungsik decided there was no point in trying to lie now, instead opting to laugh and rub the back of his neck, trying to look as apologetic and as sheepish as he could.

“Sorry, seonbae,” he replied, meekly.

She smiled at him, mischief in her eyes, and Hyungsik’s attention then turned to the pretty intern beside her.

“This is Park Bo-young-ssi,” Yoo-jin said with a polite smile, gesturing to the woman, “Bo-young-ssi, this is Park Hyungsik-ssi. He’ll be your mentor for your first few weeks here.”

Bo-young grinned.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Park Hyungsik-ssi!” she cried with great enthusiasm, “I’m so happy to be here and I promise to do my best as an intern for you all!”

Hyungsik’s eyes widened and he glanced at Yoo-jin, who just smirked back at him.

Hyungsik nodded at Bo-young, with a small, polite, if a little awkward, bow, “ah yeah, it’s nice to meet you!”

She smiled at him bashfully, before looking at her feet, swinging her arms back-and-forth.

“Sorry to do this to you just as you’ve walked through the door, but I need to run, I have a meeting in fifteen minutes,” Yoo-jin said with a grimace.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, go,” Hyungsik said breathily, “thanks, seonbae.”

Yoo-jin said her goodbyes to Bo-young and hurried away, disappearing down a corridor to the right of reception, leaving Hyungsik alone with the intern.

Their eyes met and Hyungsik laughed awkwardly.

“Shall I show you around?” he offered, gesturing down the corridor behind them, “do you know where the kitchen is?”

“Ah, yeah,” Bo-young admitted, “Gwa Jang-nim showed me around first-thing this morning.”

_Shit, I could’ve made that last the entire morning, at least._

“Oh, right,” Hyungsik replied with another awkward laugh. 

He thought for a moment as they stood there in silence in the reception area.

“Shall I show you my office?” he asked her finally, completely at a loss.

“Yeah,” she nodded, with a smile.

Hyungsik started walking in the direction of his office, Bo-young not far behind him, and it wasn’t long before he was feeling anxious about seeing Seojoon again.

Even the thought of walking into their office was enough to fill him with dread.

_Why did I have sex with him here?!_

_I’m so fucking spectacularly stupid._

As he reached the door of their office, he hesitated, his hand on the steel push-plate.

He inhaled quietly and opened the door.

His eyes immediately met Seojoon’s, who was sitting at his desk to the left of the door.

Upon seeing Hyungsik, Seojoon’s eyes widened in an expression that Hyungsik wasn’t sure was panic or surprise. His elbow slipped off of his desk and he dropped his stylus.

In spite of everything, Hyungsik couldn’t help but feel mildly amused to see him so uncharacteristically flustered.

Hyungsik stepped into the office and Bo-young followed him, Seojoon turning to look at her and offering a surprised smile.

“Bo-young-ssi, this is Park Seojoon-ssi,” Hyungsik said with a polite smile, gesturing to Seojoon.

“We actually met, this morning, when they came to find you” Seojoon said with a cough, looking so uncomfortable that Hyungsik knew he was likely planning his escape already.

“Yeah,” Bo-young laughed awkwardly, bowing her head to Seojoon.

He blinked rapidly, smiling back at her, before his attention turned to his stylus on the floor. 

He crouched to pick it up again, and on the way back up, his head collided with the bottom of his desk with a loud thud. 

His desk shook, the toys and figures adorning his work area, falling with a clatter onto the wooden surface.

“Seonbae!” Bo-young cried, rushing forward and stretching out her hand to his head.

Hyungsik couldn’t help but wince, not just at Seojoon’s clumsiness and injury, but also the fact that Bo-young was breaching his personal space, something most knew to avoid.

“I’m fine,” Seojoon said breathily to her, his palm outstretched as a gesture to her that she didn’t need to come closer.

He looked at Hyungsik again, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

Hyungsik wanted to say a thousand things to him. 

He wanted to apologise for being late, to thank him for trying to cover for him, to explain why he was mentoring Bo-young and admit that he forgot about it.

To ask him how his weekend was, find out if he was okay, confess that he couldn’t stop thinking about him…

What he managed to say, finally, was: “coffee?”

Seojoon seemed to relax a little then, his shoulders dropping. 

He smiled at Hyungsik, but wore an expression that Hyungsik couldn’t read.

If he had to guess, Hyungsik would say that he looked anguished, like he too wanted to say a thousand things, but couldn’t.

“I’ll make some coffee!” Bo-young announced with some enthusiasm, snapping Hyungsik out of his Seojoon-related-daze.

“Oh, thank you,” he said turning to her, “are you sure you know where everything is?”

“Yep!” she beamed at him, “are you both having coffee?”

Seojoon nodded, thanking her, and she hurried out of the office, leaving them alone.

Hyungsik hesitated before turning and slowly closing the door.

“Sorry for being-” Hyungsik started.

“Why are you-” Seojoon began, at the same time.

They both laughed.

“You go,” Seojoon said with a nervous swallow.

He was wearing a thin, long sleeved striped shirt today and black, ripped jeans and Hyungsik was surprised how casual he looked, compared to his usual professional-looking style.

It suited him.

_No_ , _Hyungsik_.

“I was just going to apologise for being so late,” Hyungsik explained, pacing over to his desk and back again, “thanks for trying to cover for me, but I kinda dropped myself in it anyway.”

“Did you?” Seojoon said with a laugh.

_God, he looks good_.

“Yeah,” Hyungsik laughed, awkwardly, “what were you gonna say?”

“Oh, um,” Seojoon looked at the floor before turning his gaze to Hyungsik’s sweater, “I was just gonna ask why you were wearing that thick sweater in this heat?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hyungsik scowled.

Seojoon’s eyes widened, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

Hyungsik glanced at the door before pulling his polo-neck sweater down from his neck, revealing the dark bruises peppered all over his pale skin.

Seojoon blanched, a guilty expression washing over him, as he looked away blinking.

“It was either this or a cravat,” Hyungsik quipped, “and all of my cravats are in the wash so…”

“Sorry about that,” Seojoon coughed, gesturing to his neck but avoiding Hyungsik’s gaze.

The truth was, at the time, Hyungsik liked it.

He could’ve stopped Seojoon, but he didn’t.

A freight train couldn’t have stopped either of them, from doing anything they did that evening.

But Hyungsik decided it would be best to never admit that.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door, and Hyungsik opened it to find Bo-young there, a tray in her hands.

She entered the office smiling and set the tray down on the low table, picking up two of the mugs and handing them to Seojoon, then Hyungsik.

“Thanks,” Seojoon smiled, raising his mug at her.

“I made it black for you, like this morning?” she said, sounding anxious.

“Perfect, thanks,” Seojoon replied.

“So what next, seonbae?” Bo-young asked with an enthusiastic grin as she picked up her mug and sat herself down on the sofa next to his desk.

Hyungsik’s gaze fell on the sofa.

_Why did I have sex with him on that sofa?!_

_This is so fucking awkward._

_Kill me now._

Seojoon coughed behind him and Hyungsik had the distinct impression he was thinking the same as him.

“You should show Bo-young-ssi this year’s roadmap, hubae,” Seojoon said through coughs.

_The roadmap._

_That’s a great idea._

_Thanks Seojoon, you sexy, evil genius._

“Right!” Hyungsik exclaimed, sitting down at his desk and looking through his files for the company roadmap, “yeah, I’ll show you the roadmap, Bo-young-ssi, just so you can see everything we’re working on for the next twelve months. I can give you a rough idea of what to expect in each quarter.”

Hyungsik dragged a chair from a nearby meeting room and positioned it next to him at his desk, gesturing for Bo-young to sit down.

She looked a little bashful, but sat herself down next to him.

As Hyungsik explained each part of the roadmap, pointing at the screen, Bo-young leaned closer to see, blushing at their close proximity.

Hyungsik spoke in a casual manner, making jokes at every opportunity, in an effort to help her to relax, but this only seemed to make her worse, as she gazed at him with her big, pretty, brown eyes.

It wasn’t completely lost on him why she may have been acting that way.

He didn’t know for sure, of course, but he had always had a heightened awareness of these things. Especially with women because, well, he didn’t want them to waste too much energy on him. 

Still, he always liked the attention.

Somehow, the conversation turned to work outings and Bo-young asked how often they all went out together.

“That really depends on our work and deadlines but typically at least once a month,” Hyungsik explained, “we have a few haunts in Itaewon and bars by the river, that we like to go to.”

“Itaewon? That’s so cool!” she exclaimed, “I’m not really a big drinker though. I don’t hold my alcohol well.”

“We’re not that bad really,” Hyungsik assured her, “we should sort something for next Friday!”

“That would be amazing,” Bo-young cooed, “will you help me not to get too drunk?”

Seojoon coughed behind them, and Hyungsik turned to look at him but could only see his back.

He turned back to Bo-young.

“Sure,” he smiled politely.

***

Mentoring new members of staff was exhausting, Hyungsik decided that day.

They spent the entirety of the day together, Bo-young never once leaving his side, even at lunchtime, when she asked him to show her the best places to eat, which he politely obliged.

As the day wore on, he became certain she was developing a crush on him and couldn’t help but feel bad about it.

She would giggle at his jokes, blushed constantly and watched as he talked, with wide eyes.

And as for Seojoon, he was so obviously jealous of the attention she was giving Hyungsik that he didn’t know if he was more amused or horrified by the situation.

He would cough whenever she said anything that could be construed as flirting, huffed loudly when she complimented Hyungsik on his artwork, let out a laugh when she told him he had a cute face and even once set up a projector in their office, which meant he then had to work practically in the dark, seemingly just to stop Hyungsik being alone with her in one of the meeting rooms.

He was being ridiculous but Hyungsik found himself finding it endearing. Though he would never admit it to anyone.

Bo-young seemed oblivious however, laughing awkwardly at his many outbursts.

She probably just thought he was weird.

Which he was really.

Bo-young stayed later than Hyungsik had anticipated and he realised with a panic that he hadn’t gotten any work done that day. 

Neither had he had a chance to talk to Seojoon.

He really needed to talk to Seojoon.

He had to stop this before either of them, or both of them, got hurt.

“Well, I guess I’m gonna head out soon,” Hyungsik smiled at Bo-young, hoping she would take it as a cue to leave.

Bo-young looked at the clock with wide eyes.

“Oh! Yeah!” she exclaimed, “I’ll walk with you!”

Hyungsik noticed Seojoon throw him a look and Hyungsik knew that he was waiting to talk to him too, probably for the same reason, if Taehyung was right.

“It’s okay!” Hyungsik started, “I’ve got one thing I need to do before I go so you go on ahead!”

“But, I thought we could ride the subway together!” she beamed at him, “I live in Bucheon too!”

_When did I tell her I lived in Bucheon?_

“I heard Seojoon-ssi tell someone that you had to come from Bucheon, this morning,” she explained, clearly noticing his confusion, “when you were running late, I mean.”

_When did I tell him I lived in Bucheon?_

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon, who just sighed and turned around to face his monitors.

“Sure,” Hyungsik smiled politely at her, “I can do that thing tomorrow.”

“Okay!” Bo-young beamed, “good night, Seojoon-ssi!”

Seojoon turned and offered her a weak smile, as she stepped out of the office and into the corridor.

Hyungsik exchanged a look with Seojoon as he walked to the door.

He was pretty sure they were both thinking the same things.

“See you tomorrow, seonbae,” Hyungsik managed to say.

Seojoon looked at him, his eyebrows raised in an unreadable expression, and he suddenly stood, walking over to Hyungsik, who was standing in the doorway.

Seojoon stepped close to him and then realised Bo-young was watching from the corridor. He coughed and adjusted Hyungsik’s collar, before walking back to his desk.

“See you tomorrow,” he coughed, sitting down on his chair.

Hyungsik’s heart was hammering in his chest as they walked out of the office.

***

For the entirety of the week, Bo-young was by Hyungsik’s side and they couldn’t find a chance to talk.

Monday night, Seojoon had sent Hyungsik a text message that said:

**_Seojoon: I really am sorry about your neck_ **

Taehyung had talked him out of replying, cautioning him against starting a text conversation and getting too close again.

This, combined with Bo-young being his adoring fan all week, meant that things between them became more and more strained as the days wore on.

By Friday, Seojoon was barely speaking to him, stressed about a fast approaching deadline and clearly not happy with the way things were between them.

It was Hyungsik that suggested they go out that night and talk.

It was during a brief moment that they were alone in the office, as Bo-young ran to the local coffee shop.

“I think we need to talk,” Hyungsik tried to explain, steeling himself under Seojoon’s very intense gaze.

“Just us?” he asked, looking uncharacteristically flustered, like he did on Monday.

“Well, yes, just us. Unless you think Siwon should hear about the time we fucked in the office,” Hyungsik frowned.

“Aish!” Seojoon hissed, his eyes darting to the door.

“Well?” Hyungsik asked, trying to look as casual as he possibly could about the whole thing, despite the fact that he had spent an inordinate amount of time picking out his outfit that morning, “decide quickly ‘cos Bo-young will be back soon.”

“Where?” Seojoon asked, matching Hyungsik’s casual tone.

“Itaewon?” Hyungsik suggested, “the place with the roof terrace.”

Hyungsik pictured the roof terrace, with it’s amazing view across the river and the string lights.

_Is it too romantic?_

“Just because it’s so hot,” Hyungsik added with a cough.

“Okay,” Seojoon conceded, “shall I meet you there?”

“Yeah. Seven?” Hyungsik asked, glancing up at the clock.

“Okay,” Seojoon said again.

  
  


Hyungsik felt his stomach churning throughout the entirety of that afternoon. 

Bo-young was talking to him but he couldn’t hear a word she was saying.

His mind was just white-noise.

The truth was: he was terrified.

He knew what his intentions were - to end this, explain why and do his best not to hurt Seojoon in the process.

But, he couldn’t stop himself from being excited at the prospect of being alone with him again.

To wonder where it could lead…

The truth was: he didn’t trust himself.

Hyungsik walked Bo-young to the subway after work and explained to her that he was meeting a friend for a drink.

She looked disappointed and lingered by his side for an awkward length of time, Hyungsik quickly realising she was hoping for an invite.

“My friend’s having a hard time at the moment,” Hyungsik explained, “I would invite you but I think he really wants to talk, y’know?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she replied, sympathetically, “I hope your friend is okay. I’m sure he’ll feel better once he talks to you.”

“I hope so,” Hyungsik replied with a sad smile, his mind turning to Seojoon.

“Have a great weekend, seonbae!” she beamed, before dashing to catch her train.

Hyungsik took the subway to Itaewon, feeling increasingly more nervous about that evening.

It was extremely hot and humid that night, and walking out onto the street from the subway was like stepping into a room with a hot bath.

Hyungsik removed his jacket and headed for the little bar that the office liked to frequent.

It wasn’t until he was half way there that it occurred to him that it might not be such a good idea for them to meet there, since there was a slim but possible chance that someone from the company might see them there.

_If that happens, we’ll just say that we’re talking about work._

The tiny bar was packed by the time Hyungsik arrived, but he was relieved to find a table in the corner of the roof terrace, mercifully secluded thanks to some overhanging plants growing around the balcony.

He ordered two bottles of soju and two beers, unsure of what, if anything, Seojoon might want to drink.

Then he waited.

Just after seven, the ever-reliable-and-punctual Seojoon appeared in the doorway of the roof terrace and Hyungsik waved at him, feeling immediately like the biggest dork in Korea.

Hyungsik watched as he walked over to the table and sat down.

He looked good.

He was wearing converse, black, ripped jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a faded denim jacket.

His hair was swept back off of his face in the usual way he wore it, and Hyungsik noticed a pair of sunglasses, resting on his head.

As usual, with minimal effort, he looked good.

_Fuck_.

“Hey,” Seojoon said, as he pulled his chair closer to the table. 

He looked around the terrace and out at the view of the river behind Hyungsik, before his eyes settled on him.

“Hey,” Hyungsik replied, trying to keep his mind focussed, “I didn’t know what you wanted so…” he gestured to the drinks on the table.

Seojoon laughed.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

Hyungsik rarely had the chance to see him laugh, and right now, under the soft lights of the roof terrace, he looked almost like a completely different person.

Seojoon met Hyungsik’s eyes and Hyungsik realised that he was probably staring, so he looked down at his glass of soju, clearing his throat.

“Did you get the jungle environment set done?” Hyungsik asked, remembering how stressed Seojoon had been about his deadline.

“Yeah,” Seojoon nodded, “sent it to Siwon just before I left. I’m not happy with it but it was the best I could do with the time he gave me, especially with the factory changes.”

“I didn’t get to see it,” Hyungsik complained, falling back into their usual conversation pattern.

“That’s because you’ve had Dorothy following you around all week,” Seojoon grumbled.

“Dorothy?” Hyungsik laughed.

“She’s like this enthusiastic cartoon of a person,” Seojoon reached for one of the beers and poured a small glass of soju, before dropping it into his beer.

Hyungsik raised an eyebrow.

“Is it lost on you, the irony of calling her Dorothy?” Hyungsik smirked as he watched Seojoon drink his soju bomb.

His eyebrows knitted together with confusion and he pursed his lips as he swallowed his beer and placed his glass back on the table.

“You really don’t know?” Hyungsik laughed, eyes widening in disbelief, “I’m a friend of Dorothy?”

Seojoon looked deeply confused, as he took another sip of his beer.

“It’s a euphemism for a gay man,” Hyungsik explained in a low voice, “a friend of Dorothy.”

Seojoon choked on his beer, spluttering froth all over his forehead and Hyungsik let out a cackle.

“Okay, I did _not_ know that,” he admitted with a laugh and raised eyebrows.

“You really need to learn more about your own people,” Hyungsik added cheekily.

“I’m still trying to pass the Elton John finals,” Seojoon quipped.

Hyungsik widened his eyes and cackled.

_Oh, god. How am I supposed to do this?_

“How did the new character design go?” Seojoon asked him.

“The Knight?” Hyungsik clarified and Seojoon nodded, “Oh, well, I didn’t actually get to work on it, spending so much time with Bo-young and all.”

“Shit,” Seojoon frowned, “when do you have to submit it?”

Hyungsik pulled out his phone in a panic, and checked his calendar, relief washing over him when he realised that the deadline for it was next Thursday.

“I’ve got four days,” Hyungsik told him, “I can do it in that time. I have a few ideas for it.”

Seojoon nodded, taking another gulp of his soju-bombed beer.

There was a pregnant pause between them then, and Hyungsik felt his stomach churning as he worked up the courage to say when he had come here to say.

“You didn’t reply to me, so I’ll say it again,” Seojoon started, suddenly breaking the silence between them, “I really am sorry about your neck.”

Hyungsik felt like the wind had been taken out of his sails, and felt the little conviction he had left to end this, rapidly evaporating.

He was being so nice and the thought of Seojoon’s lips on his neck was making him feel light-headed.

_“He’s into you. Obviously has been for some time.”_

“Sorry if that was too blunt,” Seojoon added, gazing at him searchingly, “I thought you wanted to come here to talk about it.”

Hyungsik took a gulp of soju and cleared his throat.

“I do,” he managed to say, “I wanted… I _want_ to talk about it.”

“So, can I start by saying I’m sorry for what I did to your neck,” Seojoon repeated, “I feel like you’re really pissed off with me for that and I totally understand why. I feel like the biggest asshole for doing that to you.”

Hyungsik stared at him in disbelief.

Aside from the inconvenience of having to wear polo-necks in one of the hottest summers on record, Hyungsik really wasn’t pissed off at Seojoon about the hickeys.

The thought of how they came to be there, honestly drove him a little wild.

“You’re not saying anything again,” Seojoon said, his eyebrows raised, “I get it. It was a dick move. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been feeling really shitty about it all week.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hyungsik managed to say, trying to sound as casual as he could, “we were both pretty drunk that night.”

Seojoon looked surprised.

“I thought when you didn’t reply to my text that I’d touched on the reason you’d been off with me all week,” Seojoon explained.

“Off with you?” Hyungsik frowned.

“Whenever we were alone you were really curt with me,” Seojoon told him, his eyebrows knitted together slightly, “I get it, it’s been weird for me too, but you seemed angry with me”

_This is not how it’s supposed to go._

“I wasn’t mad,” Hyungsik hurried to clarify, “I… I think I told you how I felt about it, that night.”

Seojoon smiled at him, his shoulders relaxing and looking relieved.

_Fuck, I can’t do this._

Hyungsik poured another glass of soju and knocked it back, trying to remind himself of why he was there and what he needed to say.

“I hope it’s not too weird for me to say, but… you look good today,” Seojoon told him, a smile in his eyes and an expression so earnest, Hyungsik wanted to scream into one of the cushions behind him.

Hyungsik held his gaze, opening his mouth to speak, failing to produce words and then closing his mouth again.

“Too weird?” Seojoon asked, looking anxious.

“I’m just…” Hyungsik tried, floundering, “I’m adjusting. To this.”

_Shit._

_No, Hyungsik._

_That’s completely the wrong thing to say._

_There can’t be a ‘this’!_

_‘This’ isn’t a thing._

_It ended last week and that’s how it needs to stay._

Hyungsik could see that Seojoon was satisfied with his answer, looking almost too happy, and he was utterly aware that he was once again losing control of himself.

_You’re gonna get hurt, you fucker._

_You’re gonna hurt that man._

By the time they had finished their drinks, they had talked about anything but that night and what was happening between them.

They shared their love of movies, music and of course, art, both of them recommending things to one another with a great deal of enthusiasm.

On several occasions, their hands brushed against one another, as they reached for their drinks and Hyungsik felt an uncontrollable desire growing in him like a cancer.

Just as he was starting to feel his senses dulling from the alcohol and the sight of Seojoon was becoming too much for him, Hyungsik announced that he should go, standing up at their table.

Seojoon stood up too, looking surprised and crestfallen.

“Oh, okay,” Seojoon said quietly.

“Yeah, I… I just remembered I have to get up early tomorrow,” Hyungsik explained, unconvincingly.

“Right,” Seojoon said, looking down at his converse, “I understand.”

_No, you really don’t, you sexy shit. You have no fucking clue._

They walked down the stairs of the bar and back out into the cooler air of the street.

“I’ll walk with you to the subway. My apartment isn’t far from here,” Seojoon told him.

Hyungsik nodded, but as they walked slowly up the narrow Itaewon street, he couldn’t push the thought of going to Seojoon’s apartment from his mind.

_Why am I like this? Who made me, some kind of chaos demon?_

“Where do you live?” Hyungsik asked, his faux-casual voice obvious to even him.

“Just up there,” Seojoon pointed diagonally across the buildings to their left.

“It’s hard to imagine what your apartment looks like,” Hyungsik laughed, “you’ve seemed so uptight all this time that I just imagined you just had a docking station which you recharged yourself on every night.”

“Aish!” Seojoon exclaimed, a smile in his eyes, “you don’t think that now do you?”

“I don’t know,” Hyungsik said playfully, side-eyeing him and quickly looking away with a smirk, “you’ve never seen High Fidelity. I still don’t know if I trust you to be human yet.”

Seojoon stepped in front of him, walking backwards.

“You could come and assess the place?” he suggested, a glint in his eye, “just to look for evidence that I’m not an android.”

_I wanted this to happen and so it did._

_I’m my own worst enemy._

Hyungsik followed Seojoon up the steep flight of stairs squeezed between the tightly packed buildings facing into the street below.

Seojoon stopped when he reached a rusty red building to the left of the stairs, and entered a code into the keypad next to the metal and glass door. 

The building looked shabby, with cracks in the facade and the door let out a horrible shriek as Seojoon pushed it open, metal grinding against metal like nails on a chalkboard.

Hyungsik winced and Seojoon apologised, which made Hyungsik laugh.

They climbed another flight of stairs, until they reached a dark wooden door and Seojoon produced some keys from his pocket.

_This isn’t safe,_ Hyungsik thought to himself, _how can he live like this?!_

Seojoon unlocked the door and stepped inside his apartment, and Hyungsik followed close behind.

The first thing that occurred to Hyungsik as he removed his shoes in the entranceway, was the smell.

It didn’t smell bad, on the contrary. 

It smelled like Seojoon. Fabric softener, coconut and coffee. 

It was exhilarating. 

He felt his heart racing as he looked around the apartment.

It was tiny but beautiful.

The ceilings were high, with plants hanging everywhere over the living space to the left of the front door. Behind the living space, there was a compact kitchen and sat above it on an open platform: what Hyungsik assumed was Seojoon’s bedroom, accessible via a white wooden ladder.

There was a deep cupboard to the right of the doorway and opposite that, another door, which he surmised led to the bathroom.

The walls were painted white but there was colour everywhere, art hanging in frames on the walls and coloured cushions and blankets on the sofa and floor.

Seojoon began tidying dishes from the low table in front of the sofa, seeming suddenly self-conscious.

“Sorry about the mess,” he breathed, “I didn’t know anyone would be coming round today.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hyungsik laughed, “it just proves that you _are_ human after all!”

Seojoon smiled at him, “well, is it what you expected?”

“It’s…” Hyungsik started, looking around again, “it’s _bohemian_?!”

Seojoon let out a laugh and fell forward, clutching his stomach.

_Fuck. Don’t do that._

_Don’t make me like you more._

Hyungsik laughed with him and watched as he tried to recover, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, well,” Seojoon said finally, “this is the _real_ me, I guess.”

“ _Really_?” Hyungsik asked, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Do you want a drink?” Seojoon asked, ignoring him and opening his fridge, “I have beer, water, soju or tea?”

Hyungsik sidled up beside him and peered into his fridge.

Vegetables, tofu, kimchi, beer, soju, bottles of water and… a paint easel?

“What the…?” Hyungsik asked, reaching past Seojoon to grab the easel.

“You don’t know the paint-in-the-fridge-trick?” Seojoon smiled at him, Hyungsik suddenly realising how close they were.

“No,” Hyungsik laughed, looking down at the easel in his hand.

“It only works for a day or so, but it stops it drying out. If you’re in the middle of something, y’know?” Seojoon explained, tilting the easel slightly and pressing his thumb into one of the dimples.

_This is one of those details that my brain is going to obsess over._

_I hate him so much right now._

“Drink?” Seojoon reminded him.

“A beer?” Hyungsik almost asked.

Seojoon reached into the fridge and grabbed two cans, passing one to Hyungsik and then walking to living space. He sat down on the sofa and Hyungsik followed him, being careful not to sit too close, but not too far away either.

“I’ve just realised something,” Seojoon announced as he opened his can, “you never actually said what you wanted to say. You said you wanted to talk about that night.”

_Fuck._

_He looks far too casual._

_He has no idea where I was going with that._

_How could he? I’ve basically been sending him signals all night to the contrary._

_I have to end this._

_I have to say it._

“Oh, right, yeah,” Hyungsik started, feeling his stomach lurch, “see, the thing is, seonbae.”

Seojoon frowned.

“I’m fine to speak casually now, by the way,” he said, looking confused, “I can’t help but feel we’re some way past professional honorifics.”

“That’s the thing,” Hyungsik began, feeling a wave of nausea pass over him again, “I’m not so sure… no, what I mean is… I don’t think that-”

“You regret it,” Seojoon said sadly, his eyes suddenly dark and a disappointed look on his face.

“I don’t regret it!” Hyungsik protested, feeling desperate to get his point across as honestly as possible, “ _believe me_ , I don’t regret it.”

“What are you trying to say then?” Seojoon frowned, his voice sounding a little strained, “you want to carry on as if nothing happened, _hubae_?”

Hyungsik glared at him.

He could feel things brewing into an argument.

Maybe that was for the best.

It was funny how they could swing from flirting to fighting in 0.2 seconds.

The whiplash.

“What do _you_ propose we do?” Hyungsik asked harshly, “Should I write your initials in a heart on my desk at work? Should we make a wedding scrapbook? What could _possibly_ come from all this? If anyone at work finds out, we’ll probably both lose our jobs!”

“I know what you’re doing,” Seojoon hissed back at him, “do you think I’m stupid? I know you’re deliberately trying to hurt me.”

“I’m just stating facts,” Hyungsik scoffed, looking at the beer in his hands.

There was a moment of silence between them and Hyungsik could see how angry Seojoon was. 

He sat back on his sofa, his breath laboured. He looked hurt and Hyungsik felt sick again.

_It wasn’t supposed to go like this._

“Why did you come up here then?” Seojoon asked finally, his voice bitter, “you could’ve told me this back at the bar.”

“Because I…” Hyungsik scowled, floundering for the right words, “because I like you. As a friend.”

“A friend?” Seojoon snapped back, before leaning close to him, an angry expression on his face, “you like me as a friend?”

“Yeah!” Hyungsik cried, leaning closer to him, his voice lowering as his eyes fell on Seojoon’s lips, “can’t we be friends?” 

Seojoon grabbed Hyungsik’s upper arms and pressed himself against him with such force Hyungsik fell backwards onto the floor and before Hyungsik could do anything else, Seojoon was on top of him with his tongue in his mouth.

Hyungsik felt the familiar surge of lust and returned the kiss with urgency, weaving his fingers into Seojoon’s hair and tugging at it angrily.

He felt like a petulant child that had been told he couldn’t have something, but he was damn well taking it anyway.

Seojoon prized Hyungsik’s fingers off of his head, and pressed his hands back onto the floor either side of his head, bearing all of his weight onto him, and his mouth moved to Hyungsik’s neck again.

_Fuck. Fuck me._

_In every way._

_Fuck me._

Seojoon suddenly pulled away from him, sitting up and breathing heavily.

He reached out to Hyungsik, offering him his hand, and confused, Hyungsik took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

“If you don’t want this, go home, and I swear… I’ll try my best to pretend nothing happened,” Seojoon breathed, his hair dishevelled and shirt askew, “but if you do want this, and I _know_ that you do... stay here tonight.”

Hyungsik’s breath was ragged and he could feel his heart was about to explode.

He watched as Seojoon walked over to the ladder that led up to his bedroom, and paused for a moment, his back to Hyungsik.

“This is your choice. I won’t hold it against you,” he said finally, before climbing the ladder and disappearing out of sight.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Hyungsik paced back and forth running his hands through his hair and tugging it in frustration.

He knew what he _should_ do.

Seojoon had basically handed him a solution to all this.

_He knows now how I feel, but he’s giving me an out._

_Of course, that just makes me more into him._

_Such a mature, wise, sexy, fucking… fucker._

_FUCK._

Hyungsik tried to will his legs to move towards the door, but there was no response.

_Of course._

_There’s no blood left in my brain anymore._

He moved towards the ladder as though he were in a trance.

As he climbed each rung, he told himself that this wasn’t so bad.

Who knew what would happen?

Maybe it’ll all be fine somehow.

As he reached the top, he saw Seojoon lying on his back on a mattress on the floor, soft light from the string lights adorning the A-frame ceiling, filling the room with a cosy glow. 

Seojoon’s hands were in his hair and he looked anguished.

Hyungsik crouched as he climbed into the bedroom, avoiding the low ceiling, and he knelt down onto the soft mattress, beside Seojoon.

Seojoon sat up on the bed and held Hyungsik’s gaze, a serious expression on his face.

“This is your last chance. I hate games,” Seojoon said plainly.

“I’m not playing games,” Hyungsik protested, stroppily.

“You’re not?” Seojoon asked, sounding irritated again.

“Sorry,” Hyungsik said, sheepishly, “I just don’t want either of us to get hurt.”

Seojoon frowned at him.

“But I do want this,” Hyungsik hurried to clarify, before leaning close to him and whispering onto his lips, “god, I want this so much.”

Seojoon remained motionless as Hyungsik kissed him and pushed them both back onto the mattress. 

As Hyungsik wrapped his legs around Seojoon’s waist, Seojoon suddenly grabbed Hyungsik’s wrists and rolled them both so that he was top of him again, his arms clamped against the mattress either side of him. 

He pressed Hyungsik into the mattress with all his weight and kissed him with some force.

_He’s still angry._

_That’s fine._

_Punish me._

_I deserve it._

_***_

Hyungsik didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke with a start in Seojoon’s bed.

Seojoon was fast asleep, naked, beside him, looking as perfect as he always did.

The string lights were still on, and the only sound in the apartment was the hum of the fridge downstairs, and the occasional muffled sound of a car from the street above them.

Hyungsik had no idea what the time was, so he sat up to search for his clothes, locating his jacket and pulling out his phone.

2am.

5 missed calls.

3 unread messages.

_Oh, shit._

He unlocked the screen and reviewed the notifications.

The missed calls and messages were from Taehyung:

**_Taehyung: Where are you, hyung?_ **

**_Taehyung: You’d better not be with Mr. Fucking Amazing_ **

**_Taehyung: I’m gonna kill you_ **

Reality came crashing down on Hyungsik again.

He grabbed his clothes and quickly got dressed, sitting on the edge of the mattress to fix his hair.

He felt a hand on his back and turned to see Seojoon blinking in the light, looking half asleep.

“Where are you going?” he said, his voice croaky.

“I should go home. My friend doesn’t know where I am and I don’t want to worry him,” Hyungsik said in a low voice, avoiding Seojoon’s eyes.

“Isn’t it a bit late for that?” Seojoon countered, “it’ll take you over an hour to get back to Bucheon at this time of the morning. Why don’t you just text them and stay here for the night?”

Hyungsik looked at him.

He had never felt so conflicted in his entire 29 year existence.

“I’m sorry,” he admitted finally, “I can’t do this.”

Seojoon sat up in the bed, looking suddenly wide-awake and frowned at him.

“What?!” he asked, and Hyungsik could see his anger growing again.

“I’m sorry,” Hyungsik said again, almost pleadingly.

Seojoon put his head in his hands before running his hands through his hair, the expression on his face a mix of fear, panic and distress.

“I gave you a fucking choice!” Seojoon cried, looking so utterly broken that Hyungsik wanted to cry.

“I know!” Hyungsik cried back at him, “I’m a weak, shitty person! I _told_ you I didn’t want us to get hurt! I fucking told you!”

“So, now you’re blaming me?!” Seojoon shouted, “this is… this is something else. You’re fucking incredible.”

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Hyungsik repeated, “I hate that I keep doing this. I _want you_ and I want to find out what this could be but-”

“Then why don’t you?” Seojoon pleaded with him, crawling close to him and grabbing him desperately, caressing and squeezing his arms, “why don’t you just let this happen and see where it could lead? What if-”

“No!” Hyungsik cried, tears in his eyes now, “we can’t! Don’t you get that?!”

“Why can’t we?!” Seojoon asked imploringly, tears rolling down his cheeks, “because we’re gay? So fucking what! There are thousands of us in Korea, Hyungsik! And if they find out about us at work, the way I feel right now, I don’t fucking care, they can sack me! I don’t give a shit!”

He tugged at Hyungsik’s jacket and swept his thumb across Hyungsik’s cheek wiping a tear away.

Hyungsik looked at him in awe.

_God, you’re amazing._

_You’re too good for me._

_I’m weak and afraid._

_I can’t do this._

“I can’t,” Hyungsik said weakly, his voice quiet as he began to sob, his eyes avoiding Seojoon’s

Seojoon’s hands fell away from Hyungsik and he sat back on the bed, defeated.

“Why did you do this to me?” Seojoon asked him quietly, his voice sad and resigned.

Hyungsik hung his head in shame and continued to sob.

“I’m so sorry, Seojoon,” he managed to say, wiping tears from his eyes, “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m stupid and I hate myself.”

“You’re a fucking child,” Seojoon said, bitterly, and Hyungsik looked up at him, stunned.

“I’m warning you,” he began, his voice ragged, “if you leave now, that’s it. I’m done.”

“I know,” Hyungsik replied, “I understand.”

“That’s really what you want?” Seojoon asked him, looking desperate and heartbroken.

“No,” Hyungsik admitted, “but it’s the only real choice here.”

Seojoon exhaled loudly and he lay back on the bed.

“What can I fucking say to you?” he said quietly, his hands on his forehead, “you’ve clearly made up your mind.”

“I have,” Hyungsik replied, almost in a whisper.

Seojoon suddenly leaped out of the bed and made his way back down to the living room.

Hyungsik was momentarily stunned before he followed him in a daze, his eyes stinging from the tears.

When he reached the bottom of the ladder, he heard Seojoon on the phone.

He was calling him a cab.

_I’m the worst man on earth._

***


	3. The Guy from Diagnostics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are super-tense between Hyungsik and Seojoon as they deal with the fallout of THAT NIGHT.
> 
> They struggle to work together and the entire office gets involved, as their colleagues notice a change in their dynamic.
> 
> To make matters worse: the guy from Diagnostics seems *really* interested in Seojoon and has started to up his game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with the super-mild homophobic attitudes from two unnamed characters. It's really minor but I just wanted to put a note here just in case.
> 
> ALSO: omg thank you so much for the lovely comments I've received - I can't tell you what it means to me as I know I'm writing in a fandom that doesn't really exist (lol) and am pretty much building my own dumb universe, but it's so much damn fun and to know someone, anyone enjoys it as much as me just makes it all worth while.
> 
> I decided to post this chapter early as a gift to you :)
> 
> Just a reminder that you can follow me on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/thbeautifullite).
> 
> Love you guys! xx

As soon as Hyungsik was home again, he dived into his bed, curled up into a ball, and cried until the sun came up.

He felt eviscerated, and the worst thing was: this was all his own fault.

He just kept replaying the events of the night in his mind.

How good Seojoon looked when he appeared in the doorway of the bar roof-terrace.

Their jokes about being a friend of Dorothy.

Seojoon telling him he looked good.

How stunned it made him and how he told him he was just adjusting to ‘this’.

_ That was it. That was the moment I became a selfish fucking asshole. _

_ I wanted to have my cake and eat it. _

Their hands brushing against one another.

The walk through Itaewon, Seojoon’s eyes bright and suggestive in the lamp light.

_ I practically told him I wanted to go home with him. _

_ Because I did. _

_ But I was wrong. _

The smell of Seojoon’s apartment and how it made Hyungsik feel excited and comforted in a confusing sensory cocktail.

Fabric softener, coconut and coffee.

Plants, colour and an easel in the fridge.

_ “This is the real me, I guess.” _

  
_ I really, really like the ‘real’ Seojoon. _

_ “If you don’t want this, go home, and I swear I’ll try my best to pretend nothing happened, but if you do want this, and I know that you do, stay here tonight.” _

How could he have left then?

How could he have left things like that?

_ But that would’ve been better than this. _

_ “This is your last chance. I hate games” _

_ I’m not playing games, I swear to fucking god, I’m not playing. This is not a fucking game. I just can’t control myself and I fucking hate myself. _

The sex. The intense, potent and emotional way they fucked. Seojoon still angry with him, a dominating force, in stark contrast to how he was the first time.

_ It was so good. _

_ How did I get this fucked up? _

Waking up in the early hours.

How perfect he looked, asleep.

The shame and dread he felt when he saw Taehyung’s messages.

The feeling of Seojoon's hand on his back.

How he pleaded with him, grasping at him desperately, face contorted in such visible, raw pain...

_ Oh my god. What have I done? _

_ “I’m warning you, if you leave now, that’s it. I’m done.” _

_ So am I. _

_ I’ve detonated a bomb in my life. _

_ I think I’ve fucking fallen for you… _

_ *** _

Hyungsik woke to the sound of a mug being settled down on his bedside table and opened his eyes to see Taehyung standing over him.

He prepared himself for a chastising, but noticed that Taehyung’s expression was a sympathetic one.

“Are you okay, hyung?” he asked him, sitting on the bed and resting a hand on his arm.

Everything came rushing back into Hyungsik’s mind and he buried his face in his pillow, unable to hold back his sobs.

He felt Taehyung’s weight on him, his arm sliding across his back and his palm moving in small circles on his shoulder blade. 

After a few minutes, Hyungsik felt himself calming, but only because he was exhausted and emotionally drained. 

He definitely didn’t feel better.

Taehyung climbed into the bed and lay beside him, his hand still rubbing his back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Taehyung said finally, his voice soft, the question a cautious one.

Hyungsik couldn’t bring himself to turn and face him.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to talk about it if he did.

“I heard you crying all morning,” Taehyung admitted, before sighing, “this is exactly what I was worried about.”

Hyungsik sniffed and wiped his face.

“Tae,” Hyungsik started, his voice ragged and weak, “I’m a fucking selfish, destructive asshole.”

He heard Taehyung sigh again and felt his hand stop moving briefly before starting up again, moving in faster circles before resting on his shoulder and squeezing him.

“What happened, hyung?” he asked him, trepidation in his voice.

Hyungsik slowly explained what had happened, being completely honest about all of it, including the many opportunities he had been offered to walk away.

He struggled to articulate the confusion and just how conflicted he had felt every step of the way, and felt sure that it just came across like he didn’t give a shit about the consequences, like he just wanted the sex and then bolted for the door.

_ That’s how it probably seems. _

_ That’s probably what Seojoon thinks. _

When he reached the end of the story, the part when he had returned home and cried all morning before falling asleep just after dawn, he rolled on the bed, turning to face his best friend.

He didn’t know what to expect from him.

Taehyung would have been completely justified in telling him he told him so.

For shouting at him for being so stupid.

But all he saw in his face was concern.

Taehyung reached out and stroked Hyungsik’s hair, his eyes on his head, his lips pressed together.

“I won’t lie to you,” Taehyung began, his eyes on Hyungsik’s hair, “you  _ have  _ made a mess of this. But you’ve done the hard part now.”

“You say that like it’s over!” Hyungsik replied despairing, “I have to see him at work every day! He’s hurting and I feel like… I’ve never felt this bad in my entire fucking life, Tae!”

“Shit,” Taehyung whispered, before adding, “I didn’t expect things to happen this quickly.”

“Oh, I’m really fucking efficient when it comes to fucking everything up!” Hyungsik cried bitterly, “it’s apparently what I’m best at.”

“Hyung…” Taehyung tried.

“I really fucking like him, Tae,” Hyungsik confessed, his voice breaking, his resolve not to cry again crumbling.

Taehyung shuffled forward in the bed and pulled him close for a hug.

“Why don’t you take some time off work?” he suggested, his voice muffled against Hyungsik’s chest.

Hyungsik thought about his suggestion for a moment.

“I can’t. I have a deadline.” he mumbled, “I can’t escape this.”

“I guess this is why they say you shouldn’t get meat where you eat,” Taehyung replied.

Hyungsik grabbed him by the upper arms and prised him away, shaking him violently and scowling at him. 

Taehyung threw him a faux-innocent look, something that he knew always made Hyungsik laugh.

Hyungsik started punching Taehyung on the arm.

“You fucking asshole,” he managed to say, his scowl softening.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Taehyung said, his voice serious again, “I know this isn’t funny. I’m just trying to make you feel something other than… the pain of all this.”

Hyungsik looked at him.

_ I fucking love this man. _

“What can I do?” Taehyung asked, “what will make you feel better right now?”

_ To see him. _

_ To apologise. _

_ To reconcile. _

_ To kiss him. _

_ To fuck until Monday. _

“I don’t know,” Hyungsik frowned, “distractions, I guess.”

“Overwatch?” Taehyung suggested first.

“Not right now,” Hyungsik replied with a shake of his head.

“A movie or a TV show binge?” Taehyung offered next.

Hyungsik thought about Seojoon’s living room.

He wondered what he was doing.

What he was feeling.

He had no-one else.

He was alone.

_ I just left him there, like that. _

Hyungsik reached for his phone.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked, suddenly looking alert and sitting up in the bed.

“I think I should text him,” Hyungsik announced, “to see if he’s okay.”

Taehyung snatched his phone out of his hand.

“No fucking way!” he cried, “hyung, don’t make this worse. There are feelings in the mix now. You’ll just confuse him again.”

“But I want him to know I care,” Hyungsik explained glumly.

“Exactly, my point,” Taehyung replied, “you just don’t seem to get it.”

“Get what?” Hyungsik asked, feeling desperate, “what am I supposed to get?”

“Hyung, you can’t have it both ways. You’ve told him that this has to end. You’ve already said more about your feelings than you should have,” Taehyung explained, “if you keep sending him these signals that you’re conflicted about the whole thing, you’ll just give him hope and that’s gonna really fucking hurt for him when you shut him down again. I know you want him to know how you feel but you can’t. You have to think about his feelings.”

Hyungsik buried his head in his hands.

“I know,” he admitted, “I just keep feeling like I’m making a huge mistake.”

He lowered his hands and looked at Taehyung.

“What if… what if I’m, like… really falling for him?” Hyungsik asked, feeling so incredibly vulnerable that he wanted to hide.

“Are you?” Taehyung asked, his brows knitted with concern.

Hyungsik just nodded, looking imploringly at Taehyung, as though his friend could make it all go away somehow.

“Shit, hyung,” Taehyung whispered, reaching out to one of his hands and squeezing it.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Hyungsik lost in more anxious thoughts about Seojoon, before Taehyung climbed out of the bed and stood up.

“Right, you have to get out of bed!” he proclaimed, “you’re gonna take a shower, we’re gonna eat something and then we’re gonna distract you for every waking second of this day!”

Hyungsik pouted, hesitating.

“And you’re not getting this back until Monday,” Taehyung said, waving his phone at him before putting it in the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt.

***

The weekend was filled with comfort food, TV dramas, Overwatch and a walk through their local marketplace. 

Taehyung talked constantly at Hyungsik, asking him ridiculous hypothetical questions that were clearly just an attempt to distract him, but the ludicrous thing was: it actually worked. 

For the most part anyway.

It was hardest at night.

Hyungsik slept in Taehyung’s bed, but left alone with his thoughts, he quickly felt the despair of falling for a man he knew he couldn’t have and regretful of the pain he had caused him.

Over the course of those two days though, Hyungsik accepted that Seojoon very likely saw him as a petulant, bratty, selfish child who liked to play games, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to change that, unless he wanted to hurt him all over again. 

He resigned himself to the fact that things between them would never be the same and Seojoon would very likely move on with his life, and so Hyungsik should try to do the same.

He had just started to feel numb to the pain, when Monday morning rolled around and Taehyung handed him back his phone, which he had hidden all weekend.

He had one notification.

A message from Seojoon, in the early hours of Saturday morning:

**_Seojoon: Did you get home okay?_ **

Hyungsik showed Taehyung the message, feeling that this was all his fault but also looking to him for the answer as to what he should do next.

“I know it feels shitty,” Taehyung said soothingly, “but this is for the best.”

  
  


When Hyungsik arrived at work, fifteen minutes earlier than usual, he entered the office to find Seojoon working at his desk.

Their eyes met as Hyungsik walked through the door, but Seojoon quickly looked away and said nothing.

He looked different.

His hair was unstyled, falling forward on his forehead and messy.

The pale blue shirt he was wearing looked a little creased and Hyungsik noticed the empty packaging from a fast-food place scattered all over his desk.

He looked exhausted.

Hyungsik hesitated for a moment, before closing the door behind him and sitting down at his desk.

Seojoon turned on the radio and Hyungsik heard him tidying the mess on his desk.

After ten excruciating wordless minutes went by, there was a knock at the door.

They both looked up and Seojoon called out, “yeah?”

When the door opened, Hyungsik was surprised to see the man from Diagnostics peering in, eyes turning immediately to Seojoon.

Hyungsik looked away and pretended to be busy with his work.

He heard the man enter the office and place something on Seojoon’s desk.

“You left them in the bar,” the man said quietly, but loud enough for Hyungsik to hear him.

“Oh,” Seojoon replied, his voice very low, “thanks.”

_ What the fuck?! _

“Did you… did you want to meet for lunch today?” the man asked him.

Hyungsik held his breath as he waited for Seojoon’s answer, but it didn’t come.

Instead, the man replied to what he assumed had been a silent gesture.

“Cool, I’ll meet you by reception at twelve thirty,” he said happily, before Hyungsik heard him leave the office.

Hyungsik wanted to scream.

He wanted to throw everything off of his desk.

He wanted to shout in that man’s face:  _ no, he’s fucking mine! _

He could feel rage rising to the surface.

He heard Seojoon stand and walk to the door, seemingly to leave the office so he turned to face him.

“I’m really glad you had company this weekend,” Hyungsik said in a snarky voice, “y’know I was really worried about you being on your own but I guess there was no need.”

Seojoon wheeled around to face him.

“What fucking right do you have to say that to me?” he asked angrily, but keeping his voice low, “not that I owe you an explanation, but I bumped into him in Itaewon and he invited me for a drink. I went with him, only because I felt like shit and didn’t really want to be alone. We just talked. That’s it.”

Hyungsik felt a pang of guilt and found himself lost for words.

Seojoon glared at him.

“Do you like him?” Hyungsik blurted out, unable to retain any kind of filter between his thoughts and his mouth.

Seojoon laughed incredulously, looking up at the ceiling.

“Yeah,” Seojoon started, bitterness in his voice, “we’ve even started putting together our wedding scrapbook.”

He turned around again and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him with a small clang.

Hyungsik spun around in his chair and dropped his head onto his desk.

_ If he didn’t think I was a child before... _

***

Hyungsik sat down in Jung-eum’s office and watched her as she poured him a coffee and sat back down at her desk.

“Are you okay, Hyungsik-ssi?” she asked, looking concerned, “if you don’t mind me saying so, you look like you might be getting sick?”

“Hmm?” Hyungsik asked, “oh, no, I’m fine.”

“I think there must be something going around, Seojoon-ssi was in here this morning and didn’t look so great either.”

Hyungsik shifted in his seat, feeling incredibly awkward and guilty.

“I assume you’ve come to talk to me about the same thing he did?” she asked him.

“Oh,” Hyungsik started, surprised, “um, I didn’t know he had talked to you, Gwa Jang-nim”

Jung-eum frowned, looking confused, before raising her eyebrows and sighing.

“I assume you guys have had another disagreement?” she asked him.

_ Understatement of the century. _

Hyungsik shifted in his seat again and he forced a small smile before clearing his throat.

“I wanted to talk to you about the job,” he explained.

“Okay… well, that’s what Seojoon-ssi met with me about too,” she replied, looking bemused.

_ What did he say? _

_ Is he going to take it? _

“Well, I don’t know what he said to you but… we couldn’t make a decision together and I don’t want it,” Hyungsik managed to say.

“You don’t want it?” Jung-eum repeated, looking a little annoyed.

“I can’t do it,” Hyungsik admitted, “I’m really sorry but I really appreciate you offering me, well, us, that opportunity.”

“Do you know that Seojoon-ssi said the same thing?” she scowled, looking at him suspiciously, “what’s going on with you guys?”

“Nothing, Gwa Jang-nim,” he lied, forcing another smile, “I guess we’re both just not ready for that kind of thing yet.”

_ ‘That kind of thing’ being a calm, adult conversation. _

“See, that alone seems suspicious to me,” Jung-eum announced, her eyes narrowing to little more than a slither, “I expected  _ you  _ especially, to come to me with a laundry list of complaints about him, like you usually do. Something’s clearly happened between you, but you’ve got nothing to say about it? Something weird is going on…”

_ Fuck _ .

Just then, there was a knock at her door, and Siwon peered into her office.

“Oh, sorry, Jung-eum-ssi, hubae,” he said with a small, quick bow of his head, before looking at Jung-eum, “just to let you know the nine o’clock’s been cancelled because Malaysia can’t make it now. Something about sickness in the office. They’ve asked you to circulate the presentation though.”

“Oh, okay, thanks,” Jung-eum nodded, and Hyungsik noticed her move her eyes meaningfully to Hyungsik and then back to Siwon again, raising her eyebrows.

Siwon stepped into the office.

_ Please, no. Not right now. _

This was a semi-regular occurrence. 

Hyungsik and Seojoon would fight and somehow the whole office would get involved, seemingly relishing the drama and finding the whole thing amusing.

Typically, it helped to diffuse the situation, Hyungsik and Seojoon becoming reluctant and indignant allies against the rest of the office who had begun to mock them.

But this was the last thing they needed right now.

“So, what’s the latest with the Squabble Brothers?” Siwon asked, a broad grin on his handsome face, “It’s not even nine yet! Have they set a new record?”

“I don’t know,” Jung-eum scowled, tucking a strand of her curly hair behind her ear and sitting back in her chair, “Hyungsik-ssi won’t tell me.”

“Huh,” Siwon said, his interest clearly peaked.

He sat down next to Hyungsik.

“C’mon, Hyungsik-ssi,” Siwon teased, leaning forward, “get it all off your chest. What’s he done this time?”

_ We fucked in our office, then I tried to end it but instead we had angry sex in his surprisingly bohemian apartment. _

_ Then I broke his heart and I think I’m in love with him. _

_ Oh, and that shit from Diagnostics is taking him to lunch and FML. _

“Nothing,” Hyungsik lied, “everything’s fine. I don’t get why you think there’s something going on.”

Siwon drew a sharp intake of breath and winced at him.

“Ooh, you’re a bad actor,” he quipped, “I mean, points for trying, but that was awful.”

“Did you guys get into a fight about the job?” Jung-eum asked, “because if you did, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have put it on you both like that.”

_ No, actually. Seojoon was really nice about it and that’s how the aforementioned fuck-in-the-office came about.  _

_ So, thanks for that? _

“No, I swear, there’s nothing up,” Hyungsik tried.

Just then, Bo-young walked past the office and Siwon called out to her.

“Yes?” she asked, peering into the office nervously, before her eyes settled on Hyungsik and she blushed.

“Could you do us a huge favour and go and get Seojoon-ssi please?” Siwon asked her.

_ What?! _

_ No! _

“There’s no need!” Hyungsik cried, suddenly feeling desperate to deescalate the situation, “honestly, everything’s fine!”

Bo-young hesitated, looking at Hyungsik, before turning her gaze to Siwon, who just nodded and gestured to her to go and get him anyway.

“If I were a betting man, which I am incidentally, I would guess that Seojoon made you feel crappy about the job?” Siwon offered, “I bet you guys got into a fight about admin again, didn’t you?”

“Listen,” Hyungsik said, trying to keep his impatience from his voice, acutely aware that his tone was already entirely inappropriate when addressing a senior, “we didn’t fight. Not about the job. Not about anything. There’s no story here!”

Just then Bo-young appeared at the door again, Seojoon behind her looking incredibly annoyed.

Hyungsik met his gaze briefly and found it terrifying, so immediately looked away.

Siwon stood up and gestured to Seojoon to sit down, before thanking Bo-young and closing the door behind her.

Siwon sat down on the bookcase beside Hyungsik.

_ Fucking kill me. _

_ “I guess this is why they say you shouldn’t get meat where you eat”  _

“So, Hyungsik was just telling us about the job opportunity you guys both turned down,” Siwon lied, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“That wasn’t-” Hyungsik started.

“Why did you both decide not to go for it?” Siwon asked, interrupting Hyungsik.

“I can’t speak for  _ hubae _ ,” Seojoon started, emphasising the honorific subtly, in a way that likely only Hyungsik picked up on, “but I decided it wasn’t the kind of role I’m interested in. I’m not looking to become a manager. I enjoy the art too much.”

Siwon raised an eyebrow, but he nodded, seemingly appeased with his answer but still a little suspicious.

“Hyungsik-ssi said he wasn’t ready for it,” Jung-eum added, looking from Seojoon to Hyungsik and back again.

Seojoon crossed his arms and folded his legs, sitting back in his chair and nodding, looking at his hands.

Hyungsik shifted in his chair and stared intently at his trainers, his eyes fixed on a tiny speck of mud one of the laces.

“Oh wow,” Siwon exclaimed, “this is, like, a filing for divorce situation!”

He turned to look at Jung-eum, looking thoroughly entertained but she scowled at him warningly, her face softening into concern when she looked back at Hyungsik and Seojoon.

“You can see why we might think something’s up between you two?” Jung-eum asked imploringly, “you’re both clearly unhappy and you won’t even look at one another.”

They both said nothing.

Minutes passed and Hyungsik felt like he might combust, implode or scream, possibly all at once.

“Okay,” Siwon nodded, “good work everyone! Glad we got that all straightened out!”

Jung-eum threw him a look and he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Hyungsik-ssi, are you all set with the Knight character designs?” Siwon asked him, seemingly now bored with his attempts to get the truth from them.

“Er, well, it’s getting there,” Hyungsik lied, “it’ll be ready by Thursday.”

Siwon nodded.

“Seojoon-ssi, can I talk to you in my office please?” Siwon added, before standing and gesturing to the door.

Hyungsik watched as they both left, Seojoon saying goodbye to Jung-eum but ignoring Hyungsik and avoiding his gaze.

Jung-eum looked at Hyungsik, a sympathetic expression on her face.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll get over it, Hyungsik-ssi,” she said, clearly trying to comfort him.

_ He might, but I’m not sure that I can. _

_ *** _

That morning passed by agonisingly slowly.

Neither of them said a word to each other, even when Seojoon returned to the office after speaking with Siwon and in spite of Hyungsik’s intense curiosity about what they may have spoken about.

Hyungsik worked on the character design he was working on for the Thursday deadline and it wasn’t until several hours into the initial sketch that he realised he had drawn Seojoon’s body.

He started work on the presentation, knowing that he would only struggle with it without Seojoon’s help, and poured over the previous presentations Seojoon had created for him, plagiarising sections and phrases, feeling deeply ashamed of himself but grateful for his help even though he didn’t know he was still doing it.

Seojoon left the radio on and Hyungsik felt sick when ‘Your Song’ by Elton John came on, remembering Seojoon’s quip on the bar roof terrace, about failing the Elton John final, and wishing so badly that they could share a laugh about it. 

It didn’t help that the song is a hopelessly romantic confession of love by a man, about a man, and Hyungsik wanted nothing more than to tell Seojoon how he felt.

News of their rift had seemingly spread around the office like wildfire, as colleagues kept dropping by for no real reason, obviously curious to see things for themselves, and torturing them both with loaded questions, and teasing them about divorce, a joke clearly popularised by Siwon.

Their usual habit of making drinks for one another had all but ceased, mainly due to the fact that Hyungsik had agonised so much about asking Seojoon if he wanted a coffee, that he ultimately chickened-out, too afraid to meet his angry gaze, which then backfired spectacularly when Hyungsik returned to their office, mug in hand and Seojoon had glared at him in disbelief, as though he were a petty child.

It was just before lunch time when Hyungsik went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and he heard a voice say his name in the kitchen, so he paused at the door.

“He’s so cute and happy all the time,” the voice said, which he quickly recognised to be Bo-young, “it’s so unfair that he has to put up with that miserable, scary owl.”

_ Owl? _

_ Seojoon’s an owl now? _

“Seojoon-ssi’s not that bad,” Yoo-jin laughed, “his bark is worse than his bite and he puts up with a just as much from Hyungsik-ssi, you know?”

“Not from what I’ve seen,” Bo-young argued, “Hyungsik-ssi is so kind and patient. He has to tip-toe around him all the time and even then, Seojoon-ssi snaps at him!”

“They’re always like that!” Yoo-jin cried, sounding amused, “they have a love-hate dynamic. They’re basically like an old married couple.”

“Poor Hyungsik-ssi!” Bo-young laughed.

“Do I detect a crush here?” Yoo-jin asked, teasingly.

Bo-young giggled.

“You should try to get to know him more on Friday night,” Yoo-jin suggested.

_ Friday night? _

_ Oh shit, the monthly work night out. _

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

“I don’t know…” Bo-young replied bashfully, “I don’t think he really likes me like that.”

“You should go for it,” another voice said, this time male, and it took a moment for Hyungsik to realise that it was that-guy-from-Diagnostics, “you don’t know until you try, do you?”

“Wooshik-ssi’s right,” Yoo-jin agreed, “you’d be annoyed with yourself if you didn’t at least try to get to know him more.”

_ Fucking, Wooshik. _

It was at that moment, with absolute horror, that Hyungsik realised he wasn’t alone in the corridor.

Seojoon cleared his throat before stepping past him and opening the kitchen door, making it very obvious that he too had heard everything.

“Seojoon-ssi,” Wooshik greeted him, sounding surprised.

Hyungsik stepped into the kitchen too and poured himself a glass of water.

Yoo-jin cleared her throat, clearly feeling awkward.

“So, where are you going for lunch?” 

Hyungsik assumed that Yoo-jin was talking to Seojoon and Wooshik.

There was an awkward silence behind him, before he heard Yoo-jin add, in a teasing manner and evidently addressing Bo-young:

“They have a blossoming bromance!”

Hyungsik swung around quite dramatically, unable to contain himself but unsure of what he was going to do next.

They all stared at him, Seojoon seemingly daring him to say something.

“Got my water,” he said finally, awkwardly raising his glass before walking out of the kitchen as quickly as he could.

_ Fucking Wooshik. _

_ They can have their shitty ‘bromance’. _

_ We have a ‘love-hate dynamic’. _

_ I love him. _

_ He hates me. _

***

And so the week went.

Everyday was much the same.

Hyungsik and Seojoon didn’t speak to one another unless it was completely unavoidable and their work colleagues continued to see it as a source of entertainment.

Meetings were an awkward dance of skirting around questions about projects that they were supposed to be working on together, and being careful not to address one another, or even make eye contact.

Hyungsik felt miserable and returned home each night in desperate need of consolation and reassurance from Taehyung that he was doing the right thing.

Wooshik had been making regular appearances at their office and Hyungsik was convinced that they were meeting for lunch every day but had no real evidence of that.

One thing he  _ was _ sure of however, was that Seojoon must have confessed to Wooshik that something was bothering him, maybe even confided in him somehow without mentioning specifics, which really bothered Hyungsik.

In the two years that he had known Seojoon, he had never once talked about his personal life with Hyungsik.

What was so special about Wooshik?

Hyungsik was convinced that Wooshik knew something, because he had heard them both talking about the upcoming Friday work outing, and he had heard Wooshik say to Seojoon: “it’ll do you good to come out and have some fun.”

If Seojoon had mentioned Hyungsik in any way, Wooshik wouldn’t be suggesting that a night out in his company would ‘do him some good’.

Hyungsik felt like a detective, desperately looking for clues about Seojoon’s life and well-being, since he couldn’t ask him about any of it directly.

It was like torture.

Being with Seojoon was awkward, uncomfortable and oftentimes painful, but when Hyungsik was away from him he missed him more than he should. More than he had any right to.

Hyungsik was dreading the Friday night work outing and when it finally came around, he desperately tried to think of a last minute excuse for why he couldn’t go.

He knew what was going to happen: Seojoon would be dragged away again by Wooshik, and Hyungsik would have to watch them together all night, while everyone at his table talked about how cute their ‘bromance’ was.

And to top it all off, he now knew that Bo-young had been encouraged to ‘go for it’ with him, so he had that to look forward to navigating, too.

_ If only ‘no hetero’ was a thing _ .

  
  


The large group of twenty-or-so work colleagues traipsed together to the nearby subway station to catch the next train to Itaewon, Seojoon and Hyungsik wordlessly walking near one another but at a distance, while everyone around them talked animatedly.

While they were waiting on the platform, a man walked briskly past them, nearly colliding with Hyungsik who was just standing there. Seojoon pulled Hyungsik back out of the way, briefly clutching his arm and scowling at the man as he walked away, seemingly oblivious of the near-collision.

Hyungsik stared at Seojoon wide-eyed, far more grateful for such an innocuous gesture, than he should be, offering him a glimmer of hope that he had no right to feel.

Hope for what, he didn’t know, but he knew he didn’t want things to stay this way with Seojoon.

Seojoon avoided his gaze and they continued to stand in silence until the train arrived.

At the restaurant, Hyungsik was surprised when Seojoon sat next to him but quickly realised that he only did this to keep up appearances that things were relatively normal between them. 

Hyungsik was grateful for the first glass of soju which he drank quickly and felt suddenly overheated in the steamy barbeque restaurant on such a hot, summer evening.

He removed his jacket and his arm brushed against Seojoon’s briefly, who looked at him with his eyebrows raised, in that familiar, slightly-haughty way that he did.

“Sorry,” Hyungsik said to him, unable to look away from him.

“Seojoon-ssi!” came a voice from behind them.

They both turned, Hyungsik curious but certain he knew who the voice belonged to.

_ Fucking Wooshik. _

Wooshik had two curled up napkins wedged under his upper lip, like tusks or fangs, and pulled a face at Seojoon who laughed in such a way that Hyungsik seethed with jealousy.

“Sit with us?” Wooshik laughed, removing the napkins from his mouth.

Seojoon looked at Hyungsik, who tried to wordlessly beg him not to go with just his eyes.

Seojoon looked away from him and cleared his throat, his face setting into some sort of resolve, before he stood up from the table and walked away with Wooshik.

Hyungsik watched them and fought down a compulsion to throw a barbecue at Wooshik.

“Does Wooshik-ssi have a girlfriend?” Hyungsik suddenly heard one of the women from QA ask.

“I don’t think so,” another woman replied, before adding with a whisper, “I think he might be gay.”

Hyungsik stiffened.

“Don’t say that!” the first woman replied, sounding horrified, “poor Wooshik-ssi! He’s not here to defend himself.”

“If he  _ is _ , then he definitely likes Seojoon-ssi,” the second woman laughed in a hushed voice. 

“I think Hyungsik-ssi would know if his seonbae was gay!” the first woman retorted, her voice a little louder and after a moment of silence between them, Hyungsik realised that they were both staring at him.

“Of course he’s not gay!” Hyungsik found himself snapping, defensively and scowling at them both.

It was a survival instinct to be homophobic in these situations.

Hyungsik hated himself for it.

_ But I’ll be damned if I let this fucking pair of idiots try to out or shame Seojoon like this. _

Both of the women just laughed like it was nothing and turned their conversation to the food.

Hyungsik had lost what little appetite he had left.

One bottle of soju later, after watching Wooshik laugh for the hundredth time and being completely unable to read the back of Seojoon’s head, Hyungsik decided to walk over to their table, much to many of his work colleagues’ surprise.

He pulled up a stool and sat at the end of their booth, setting down his glass and bottle of soju.

Seojoon glanced up at him with an unreadable expression, his lips pressed together, and Wooshik looked at him with surprise.

“I don’t think that we’ve ever been properly introduced,” Hyungsik smiled at Wooshik, “My name is Park Hyungsik and I work with Seojoon-ssi.”

“Oh, yeah,” Wooshik laughed awkwardly, “I know who you are. But nice to meet you properly. My name is Choi Wooshik. I work in Diagnostics.”

_ Don’t I fucking know it. _

Hyungsik bowed his head a little and smiled, and he noticed Wooshik throw an awkward glance at Seojoon.

There was a brief moment of silence before someone else in the Diagnostics team started up a new conversation about computer games and Wooshik talked happily with everyone at the table, seemingly oblivious to the tension between them.

Seojoon and Hyungsik said nothing.

The talk quickly turned to movies, the group eviscerating one another for their favourite movie choices and scolding each other for having not seen the movies many considered to be classics.

“Yeah, but you like the Matrix Trilogy,” someone said, scathingly.

“Well, in his defence, the first one is still fantastic,” Wooshik said cheerily.

Seojoon nodded in agreement, sipping from his beer.

“I thought you said he only liked high-brow films?!” a man to the left of Wooshik asked, gesturing at Seojoon.

Wooshik chuckled, “he does!”

“No, he doesn’t,” Hyungsik heard himself say, and his eyes widened as many of the people around the table looked at him.

Seojoon shifted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable and stared at Hyungsik.

“I mean,” Hyungsik started, “yeah, he has good taste in movies but they’re not exclusively high-brow. Not in the least.”

“I stand corrected,” Wooshik said flatly, looking a little confused but still smiling politely.

“Although, he’s never seen High Fidelity, which is a travesty,” Hyungsik said sadly to himself.

“Well not, the whole way through no,” Wooshik replied, “obviously, he had to switch it off when it got to  _ that part. _ ” 

Wooshik seemed to be under the impression that Hyungsik had any idea what he was talking about.

Seojoon cleared his throat and drank a huge gulp of his beer.

“What?” Hyungsik asked him.

“The bit when her  _ Dad died _ ,” Wooshik covered his mouth and whispered to Hyungsik, looking earnest.

Hyungsik blinked rapidly and nodded as though he understood.

He stole a glance at Seojoon who was pretending to listen to another conversation at the table, and Hyungsik suddenly felt melancholic.

He poured another glass of soju and wondered what Wooshik meant.

Did his father die?

_ He never mentioned it to me. _

The Diagnostics team started up a very technical conversation about security and encryption codes, which Hyungsik largely ignored as he drank his soju, feeling his cheeks growing hot.

“That’s why I always warn my parents not to use birthdays for their keycodes,” someone said.

“I can’t help but feel like that’s understandable though,” Wooshik countered, “codes and passwords aren’t easy to keep track of and there are so many to remember these days.”

“Yeah as a non-techy representative at this table, I can wholeheartedly agree with that,” Seojoon announced with a smile, “I’m the worst for remembering that stuff.”

Wooshik laughed, “I’m just imagining you getting locked out all the time. I bet you have the keypad supplier on speed-dial, don’t you?”

_ Ha! _

_ You know nothing, Wooshik! _

“Seojoon doesn’t have a keycode lock,” Hyungsik announced with a smile, feeling very pleased with himself.

Seojoon cleared his throat but Hyungsik ignored him, holding Wooshik’s very confused gaze.

“Hyungsik-ssi can I talk to you for a minute?” Seojoon asked, standing up suddenly and pulling on his arm.

Hyungsik allowed himself to be steered by Seojoon into the darkened corridor which led to the kitchens, and pouted when he saw Seojoon’s scowl.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Seojoon asked in a low voice, “you ended this, remember? You’re being so obvious.”

Hyungsik gazed at him.

“You never told me anything about your father,” he said sadly.

Seojoon’s expression softened.

“You’re drunk,” he said quietly, before reaching out to lightly and briefly brush his index finger along one of Hyungsik’s cheeks, “have you even eaten anything tonight?”

_ Oh my god. _

_ My heart. _

“Seojoon,” Hyungsik said in a ragged voice, “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, come on,” Seojoon said as he wrapped his arm around Hyungsik and led him to the door of the restaurant, “let’s call you a cab.”

Hyungsik tilted his head onto Seojoon’s shoulder and closed his eyes as Seojoon led them both out into the cooler night air of the street.

“I don’t know how I got so drunk,” Hyungsik muttered, as he started to nuzzle into Seojoon’s neck.

He could smell him.

Fabric softener, coconut and coffee.

“It’s because you didn’t eat anything,” Seojoon said softly.

_ How could I when those evil witches were talking about you like that. _

“They  _ were  _ evil witches,” Hyungsik muttered.

Seojoon laughed.

“Okay, sure. Let’s blame those evil witches.”

“Seojoon?” Hyungsik asked again.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“Have you missed me?” 

Seojoon sighed.

“You know I have.”

_ I love you. _

“I really think that I do,” Hyungsik murmured, his eyes feeling heavy.

That was the last thing that he remembered about that night.

***


	4. Dolly and Kenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungsik and Seojoon try to find a way to work together in spite of their feelings.
> 
> There's more jealous mealous, as Wooshik continues his efforts with Seojoon, and after a spontaneous night at a karaoke bar, Hyungsik is more conflicted than ever.
> 
> Does Seojoon feel the same?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> You have no idea how happy and excited I've been by the response to this fic! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos, such lovely comments and reached out to me on Twitter - you guys are honestly the absolute best and you make it all so worth-while!
> 
> You can follow me on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/thbeautifullite) for my dumb ParkPark/Wooga/BTS tweets XD
> 
> Thanks again everyone - I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, I would *love* to hear your thoughts! x

He was in a long, thin, narrow box.

It was a coffin.

Not a satin-lined, mahogany coffin, the kind people usually bury their loved ones in.

But, a rough-hewn one, unstained and hammered together quickly.

The kind of coffin in which they bury bandits in old Western movies.

Light crept in from the two small holes drilled into the lid just above his eyes.

Hyungsik cried out as he heard the sound of dirt being shovelled on top of the coffin and he began to panic, as it hit his face, falling in his eyes and mouth.

He woke up in a cold sweat, his mouth dry.

He was at home, in his room, in his bed.

It took a moment for him to calm down from the horror of his claustrophobic dream and he reached for his phone to look at the time.

Stuck to the screen of his phone, was one of the sticky notes from his desk and he recognised Seojoon’s neat handwriting immediately:

**_I hope you feel better in the morning :)_ **

Hyungsik sat up in bed and looked around his room confused.

_ Was he here?! _

_ Wait, how did I get home? _

_ Fuck. _

_ What the fuck did I do? _

_ That shit I said to Wooshik. _

_ I’m so thirsty. _

He got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, pouring himself a mug of water, downing it, and pouring another.

“Ah, you’re awake!” he heard Taehyung say behind him, walking into the kitchen.

Hyungsik turned to face him, drinking the second mug-full of water and leaning back on the kitchen counter.

“I feel like I’m gonna die,” he breathed, after swallowing the last gulp.

“You were in a bit of a state last night, so I’m not surprised,” Taehyung smirked, folding his arms across his chest.

Hyungsik eyed him suspiciously.

He looked like he had just come across some really juicy gossip or been proven right about something.

“Why do you look like that, Tae?” Hyungsik asked him, tilting his head.

“Oh, no reason,” Taehyung smirked, “only that I met Mr. Fucking Amazing last night.”

“What? How?” Hyungsik exclaimed, “was he  _ here _ ?”

Taehyung nodded, a broad grin sat smugly across his face.

“He brought you home in a cab because you fell asleep on him,” Taehyung explained, “he had to call me on your phone using your emergency contacts because he didn’t know your address. He practically carried you up here.”

_ Oh my god. _

“So, hyung,” Taehyung continued, “he’s really hot, huh?”

“How can you say that to me?” Hyungsik scowled, “have you forgotten about last weekend? I can’t have this conversation with you.”

“Shit,” Taehyung replied, looking guilty, “sorry, hyung, I was just messing with you.”

“I’m way off being able to laugh about this, Tae,” Hyungsik admitted meekly.

Taehyung nodded, pressing his lips together and offering an apologetic smile.

“I have to admit, seeing you two together last night, I get it now,” he smiled sadly.

“Get what?” Hyungsik frowned.

“It’s very different to hear you talk about how you feel, versus seeing you clinging to him like you’re in the North Atlantic Ocean and he’s that door in  _ Titanic _ .”

“Oh, god,” Hyungsik gaped at him, “was I really?”

“Hyung, I won’t lie to you, you wouldn’t let go of him and you were saying some really weird stuff,” Taehyung winced.

“Like what?” Hyungsik asked, panic setting in.

“I can’t really remember, to be honest, because none of it made any sense, but you were pretty out of it,” Taehyung explained, “you wouldn’t let go of him when he tried to leave, so he actually  _ asked for my permission _ to take you into your room, like I was your father and he was gonna marry you or something.”

_ Aw. _

“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed though, hyung. He seemed really understanding and if I’m totally honest with you, it was pretty obvious to me that he’s completely besotted with you too.”

Hyungsik slid down the kitchen cupboard he was leaning against until he hit the floor and then he turned and fell back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling.

Taehyung walked over to him and lay down beside him.

“Sorry, hyung, I’m not helping am I?” he said quietly, wrapping his hands around his left arm.

“You are and you aren’t,” Hyungsik replied, eyes glazing over, “I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

Taehyung said nothing, but stared at the ceiling beside him.

“On the one hand, I just want to know that he feels the same as me,” Hyungsik continued, his voice weak, “but on the other hand, the thought that we both feel this strongly but nothing can ever come of it…”

“I know,” Taehyung said quietly, “I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, hyung.” 

“He told me he didn’t care about the job,” Hyungsik admitted, “he was ready to potentially lose everything for me.”

“When did he say that?” Taehyung asked, sounding shocked.

“Last Friday”

“Before or after the sex? Because you shouldn’t believe anything you hear before sex.”

“After, when I told him it was over.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

***

Hyungsik felt numb for the rest of the day but did his best to keep himself busy.

They met some friends in the park and lay in the sun while everyone talked about a vague plan to go on holiday together next year. 

Hyungsik joined in with the banter and tried to feel happy but just below the surface he felt an incredible sadness threatening to engulf him.

Taehyung had allowed him to send a text message to Seojoon after vetting what he intended to say. Seeing Hyungsik and Seojoon together had seemingly weakened Taehyung’s strict stance on the whole thing.

Hyungsik’s message was simple:

**_Thanks for taking me home_ **

He knew Seojoon wouldn’t reply.

That evening, Taehyung went drinking with their friends.

Hyungsik had been invited but he made his excuses, admitting only to Taehyung that he just really wasn’t in the mood, and just wanted a quiet evening in front of the TV.

That was a lie.

Thirty minutes after Taehyung had left, Hyungsik walked to the subway and got the next train to Itaewon.

He didn’t have a plan. All he knew was that he needed to talk to Seojoon outside of the crushing claustrophobia of the office, before work on Monday.

He felt oddly calm about the whole thing and was convinced that it was the right thing to do, despite knowing what Taehyung would say if he found out.

As he climbed the steps of the subway, he realised it was raining.

He didn’t have a jacket or an umbrella but the rain was refreshing after weeks of sweltering heat, so he didn’t mind.

Navigating the narrow streets of Itaewon, Hyungsik watched as people ran in the rain, couples laughing as they huddled under jackets and dashed to the closest shelter.

He turned up the narrow alleyway and climbed the steep steps which led to the rusty red building of Seojoon’s apartment.

He took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer.

Minutes went by and he listened closely for sounds that Seojoon might be coming down but there was no movement.

He pressed it again.

Hyungsik looked out across the city, from the high-vantage point of the stairs.

_ He’s not home. _

He pressed his lips together in a sad pout to himself, and started to make his way back down the stairs.

It was as he was lost in thought about his current miserable situation, heading back to the subway, that he heard his name from somewhere behind him.

He knew before he turned around, that it was him.

“I guess you got caught out by the rain too?” Seojoon said with a small awkward laugh, a plastic bag in his right hand, and soaking wet head-to-toe.

“Hah, yeah,” Hyungsik smiled.

“Did you come to see me?” Seojoon asked, looking a little nervous.

“Sorry, I should’ve given you some warning,” Hyungsik frowned, “now that I think about it. I should’ve done that.”

“Well, I’m glad I ran into you,” Seojoon smiled, his eyes betraying sadness, “did you… Did you want to come back to mine?”

Hyungsik looked down the busy Itaewon street, in the direction of Seojoon’s apartment building and images flashed in his mind from the last time he was there.

_ I can’t trust myself. _

“Maybe we should go somewhere else?” Hyungsik winced apologetically.

Seojoon nodded and looked around, before pointing at a busy bar not far from where they were standing.

Hyungsik smiled and nodded, blinking raindrops from his eyelashes.

***

As Seojoon removed his wet jacket and sat down opposite him, Hyungsik’s mind went blank and he forgot everything he intended to say. 

Then, his mind began racing, and the calm that had settled over him as he travelled to Itaewon, was replaced with mild panic.

_ Why did I come here? _

_ I wanted to see him. _

“I wanted to see you,” Hyungsik blurted out, before quickly recovering some composure, “to say thank you. For Friday night. And to apologise.”

Seojoon picked up some napkins from the table and began mopping rain from his face and arms, and Hyungsik watched every movement, hypnotised, his arms folded and resting on the table in front of him.

“I  _ did  _ get your text,” Seojoon said, his eyes on what he was doing, “I didn’t reply because I figured you’d rather I didn’t.”

Hyungsik’s eyes fell to the table and he nodded.

“This isn’t… I mean…” Hyungsik struggled to find the right words, “nothing’s changed.”

Seojoon dropped the damp napkins onto the table in front of him and looked at Hyungsik. 

He offered him a heavy-hearted smile.

“I know,” he said.

_ What I’d give to just be able to hug him. _

“Last week sucked so much,” Hyungsik admitted, miserably, “I felt like shit.”

“Me too,” Seojoon said, his eyes on the table.

He picked up his glass of beer and took a sip.

“What should we do?” Hyungsik asked, realising as soon as the words came out of his mouth, that he was relying on Seojoon for all the answers. Yet again.

Seojoon looked lost in thought, eyes fixed on the table.

“We can’t keep ignoring each other at work,” he said, finally, “we have to find a way to be able to work together again.”

_ I want more than that now. _

_ But I can’t have it. _

_ I have to settle for him being just my work colleague. _

_ Love, reduced to admin. _

Hyungsik managed to nod in agreement.

“I’ll stay out of your business from now on though,” Seojoon added, “I promise not to interfere.”

_ I want him in my business. _

“I guess, that would be best,” Hyungsik replied quietly, before taking a small sip of his beer.

“How did The Knight presentation go by the way?” Seojoon asked, eyes darting briefly to Hyungsik’s face before returning to his beer.

Hyungsik offered a small laugh.

“They liked the design,” he started, “the presentation, not so much.”

Seojoon looked at him and raised his eyebrows.

They both laughed.

“How bad was it?” Seojoon smirked.

“Siwon actually said out loud in the meeting: Oh, so this is what  _ your  _ work looks like?” Hyungsik laughed, feeling himself relax.

“Siwon is such an asshole sometimes,” Seojoon frowned.

“It’s fine,” Hyungsik smiled, “he wasn’t wrong, was he?”

Seojoon looked lost in thought again, tracing lines in the condensation on his glass.

“They’re never going to leave us alone at work,” Seojoon announced suddenly, “we have to find a way to convince them that everything’s fine between us.”

_ Fine. _

_ What a shitty, nothing word. _

_ That’s the best we can hope for now. _

_ For us to be ‘fine’. _

“I can’t help but feel like…” Seojoon started, looking very depressed, “you were right about everything.”

Hyungsik looked at him questioningly.

“The way everyone was last week,” Seojoon explained, eyes finally meeting Hyungsik’s, “imagine if they actually found out about us.”

Hyungsik sighed and sat back in his chair.

He looked at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry for getting so angry that night,” Seojoon added, quietly, “I handled all of that really badly. I know it was hard for you too. Thanks for being the adult here.”

_ What?! _

_ No! _

_ Don’t put me in that role. _

_ You absolutely, cannot rely on me to be the adult here. _

_ Get more alcohol in me and I’ll drag you back to yours without a second thought and then cry about it all morning. _

“You know how insane that is right?” Hyungsik laughed.

“That you’re being the adult?” Seojoon said with his eyebrows raised, mildly amused.

“I hope you’re not relying on that to happen again,” Hyungsik added, partially serious but laughing all the same, “because I’m not exactly known for my good-decision making.”

“I promise to try my best too,” Seojoon smiled, sadness in his eyes again.

Hyungsik held his gaze.

“I wish we could’ve been friends earlier. I wish I’d gotten to know you more,” Hyungsik said, trying to convey his regret to Seojoon.

“We would never have been friends,” Seojoon replied sorrowfully.

Hyungsik looked away.

“Guess not,” he agreed, feeling like he could cry.

_ Everything makes sense now. _

Hyungsik let out a bitter laugh.

“That’s why things were always  _ like that _ between us,” he announced to the ceiling.

“Are you only realising this now?” Seojoon said with the smallest of laughs.

“I thought you thought I was the most annoying person on the planet,” Hyungsik admitted, shaking his head and then looking at his trainers.

“I’ve liked you from the moment I met you,” Seojoon confessed quietly, blinking and looking down at his glass of beer.

_ “He’s into you. Obviously has been for some time. He was sad at the thought of you guys not working together anymore.” _

“Fuck,” Hyungsik managed to say, tears in his eyes but trying not to lose his composure.

“I’m sorry,” Seojoon said shaking his head and sitting up in his chair, “I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea to say that.”

Hyungsik wiped his eyes and avoided his gaze.

“Hyung!” a familiar voice cut across the din of the bar.

Hyungsik looked in the direction in which it came and saw Taehyung scowling at him, six of their friends standing behind him.

_ Shit, shit, shit. _

Taehyung strode over to their table like a storm cloud rolling in, their friends following awkwardly.

“Hey, Hyungsik,” Jimin waved, as the rest of them did the same, looking like they felt bad for intruding.

“Hey guys,” Hyungsik laughed awkwardly, quickly wiping his eyes again.

Taehyung was still scowling at him.

“This is Park Seojoon-ssi,” Hyungsik explained, gesturing to a fairly uncomfortable looking Seojoon, “I work with him at Pulse.”

“Nice to meet you!” Hoseok nodded.

“This is Park Jimin, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jung Hoseok and Jeon Jungkook,” Hyungsik introduced their friends, gesturing to each of them as he named them, “and Taehyung… who you’ve already met.”

Hyungsik noticed Jimin suppress a laugh.

“Nice to meet you,” Seojoon smiled and nodded at the group, and Hyungsik could see he was awkward but seemed adorably earnest.

Hyungsik’s eyes returned to Taehyung.

“Why are you here?” Taehyung asked, his gaze like lasers burning into Hyungsik’s eyes.

Hyungsik crossed his arms defiantly.

“I came to see Seojoon-ssi,” he replied flatly, daring Taehyung to argue with him.

Seojoon cleared his throat.

“And I was actually just above to leave, so,” he stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.

“Oh, don’t leave on our account!” Jimin cried, mischief in his eyes, “you guys should come to karaoke with us!”

Taehyung threw Jimin a scowl and Seojoon laughed awkwardly.

Hyungsik pressed his lips together and smiled at Seojoon imploringly, hoping that it was obvious that he really wanted him to stay.

_ I can just about trust myself with seven chaperones. _

_ I just want to be with him. _

Seojoon smiled back at him.

“Okay,” Seojoon said, turning to Jimin, “as long as I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“The more the merrier,” Taehyung sighed, raising an eyebrow at Hyungsik but looking defeated.

***

“I love karaoke!” Seojoon laughed.

Hyungsik stared at him in disbelief.

“So many layers…” he whispered, mouth agape.

“What’s your go-to track?” Hoseok asked him.

Seojoon thought for a moment, a smile on his lips.

“Super Junior,  _ Sorry, Sorry _ ,” he said finally.

Hyungsik dropped his head on the table in disbelief.

_ Who is this man?! _

_ Where has he been all this time? _

_ “We would never have been friends” _

_ Right. Yeah. _

When Hyungsik sat up, he met Seojoon’s eyes and shared a laugh. Hyungsik shook his head.

“Who’s the oldest here?” Jimin asked, suddenly.

_ That cheeky fuck. _

“I’m betting it’s me,” Seojoon laughed, “I’m thirty-three.”

“Looks like you get a break then, Seokjin-ah!” Jimin laughed, “the first round’s on Seojoon-ssi!”

_ I’m actually going to kill him. _

Seojoon laughed, and Hyungsik mouthed “I’m sorry” to him.

“Beer and soju?” he asked, looking more comfortable than Hyungsik could’ve imagined.

Hyungsik watched Seojoon stand up from the table and step across the back of the booth seat, navigating his way past Hyungsik’s friends.

Once he had disappeared upstairs, heading for the bar, Hyungsik’s friends started giving him the third degree.

“Is he the one?” Jungkook whispered loudly, leaning forward like it was a conspiracy.

“That’s the guy?” Namjoon frowned, turning to Jin questioningly, who looked fairly uninterested.

“Leave the guy alone,” Yoongi complained defensively, looking tired.

Jimin laughed with an eyebrow raised, “he’s fucking hot, hyung,”

“Do none of you remember what I said earlier?!” Taehyung exclaimed, looking exasperated with his friends.

Hoseok put both hands on Taehyung’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

“They’re adults, Tae-Tae,” he smiled at him.

“Nothing happened or is gonna happen,” Hyungsik said with a pout, “I just came here to talk to him. We both know that nothing can come of any of it.”

“All I can say is: you must  _ really  _ like your job!” Jimin laughed again.

“Hyung!” Jungkook cried before turning to Hyungsik, “sorry, hyung, we’ve been out for a while and he’s running tonight for some reason.”

“Aish, it’s Saturday!” Jimin pouted before turning to Yoongi for back-up.

“It is, my goyangi,” he reassured him, reaching out to stroke the back of his head.

“Whatever happens, hyung,” Taehyung warned Hyungsik, “you’re coming home tonight. Okay?”

“Yes!” Hyungsik cried, petulantly, “that was always my intention!”

_ I’ve been designated the fucking  _ _ adult _ _ , I’ll have you know, Tae-fucking-hyung. _

Seojoon re-appeared at the bottom of the stairs, carrying a large tray full of drinks and the group cheered as he set it down on the table.

Hyungsik was pleased when Seojoon made his way back to the empty seat beside him, rather than ask everyone to move along the booth seat to make space for him. 

It was a small thing to be happy about but Hyungsik was a hungry man and he was enjoying the crumbs.

“Who’s up first?” Hoseok asked, grabbing himself a beer and dropping a shot of soju into it.

“Jimin, Tae-Tae, shall we?” Jungkook grinned at them both, grabbing Taehyung’s hand.

_Yeah, we’ll see how much you give a shit what_ _I’m_ _doing, with_ _him_ _here tonight._

  
  


They all laughed and drank, as Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung got up and sang their hearts out to Twice’s  _ Cheer Up,  _ even going so far as to do the dance, something Hyungsik knew they had had a lot of practice with.

Namjoon decided it would be funny for him to sing  _ Glad to Meet You,  _ inviting them all to join him in the chorus, directing their wailing at Seojoon, who found the whole thing hysterical, glancing at Hyungsik who couldn’t contain his amusement and disbelief.

In a sudden burst of energy, Yoongi laughed and goofed his way through a Blackpink song, which greatly entertained Jimin, who insisted on filming the whole thing and shouting words of encouragement at him.

Seojoon laughed beside him and Hyungsik frequently stole glances in his direction, feeling like a teenager with a crush.

Jin bought another round of drinks for them all, as Hoseok jumped around to Missy Elliot’s  _ Get Your Freak On,  _ Yoongi and Namjoon providing back-up sound effects and background lyrics.

Then, Jimin announced that he had selected a duet for Hyungsik and Seojoon.

Hyungsik felt his stomach drop.

“You don’t have to do this,” Hoseok said reassuringly to Seojoon, who just laughed, looking relatively calm about the whole thing.

“It’s cool,” Seojoon said, turning to Hyungsik and smiling, “lead the way.”

_ I’m just about drunk enough for this. _

Hyungsik stood up and climbed over the back of the booth, Seojoon following him.

“What is it?” Hyungsik asked Jimin with narrowed eyes, as they stood at the end of the table.

“Get up there and you’ll find out!” Jimin cried with a laugh and all the air of an imp.

As Hyungsik stood on the low stage, mic in hand, beside a fairly self-conscious looking Seojoon, he couldn’t help but feel like this may be the most surreal moment of his life so far.

Then the first notes of  _ Islands in the Stream _ played and Hyungsik and Seojoon turned to guffaw at one another, Hyungsik covering his face.

“Decide! Who’s Kenny and who’s Dolly?!” Jimin shouted at them, as the intro played.

Hyungsik couldn’t recover and he couldn’t even look at Seojoon. He could feel his cheeks were burning, which was a very rare occurrence for him.

Then, he heard Seojoon singing, “ _ Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown, I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb, I was soft inside, there was something going on. _ ”

“C’mon, Dolly!” Jimin cried with glee.

Still unable to meet Seojoon’s eyes and still laughing, Hyungsik looked at the lyrics on the screen and joined in, not entirely sure of how the words were supposed to scan but going with the flow, “ _ You do something to me that I can't explain, hold me closer and I feel no pain, every beat of my heart, we got something going on.” _

Seojoon sang the start of the bridge, “ _ tender love is blind, it requires a dedication… _ ”

Hyungsik joined in with his best attempt at harmonising Dolly’s part: “... _ all this love we feel needs no conversation, we ride it together, ah ha, making love with each other, ah ha _ .”

Everyone joined in for the chorus, getting up to stand with them, having already had enough of a joke at their expense, and shouting the lyrics at the top of their voices, “ _ Islands in the stream! That is what we are! No one in between! How can we be wrong? Sail away with me! To another world! And we rely on each other, ah ha! From one lover to another, ah ha! _ ”

Jimin sang Dolly’s verse with Hyungsik, and he briefly threw him a look that said: “I’m going to kill you”.

“ _ I can't live without you if the love was gone, everything is nothing if you got no one, and you did walk in the night, slowly losing sight of the real thing _ ...”

Seojoon added Kenny’s part and Taehyung joined in with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and swaying them from left-to-right: “ _...but that won't happen to us and we got no doubt, too deep in love and we got no way out, and the message is clear, this could be the year for the real thing. _ ”

The group wailed the rest of the song together and Hyungsik was relieved when it came to an end, happy to retreat to the safety of the darkened booth.

_ It had been funny. _

_ But it also wasn’t. _

_ Those lyrics. _

He knew the song, of course, but had never really paid attention to the words before.

Until he was reading them on the screen tonight.

_ Jimin, you little fuck. _

As Seojoon left to use the bathroom, and Namjoon and Hoseok went to the bar for more drinks, Hyungsik took the opportunity to share his annoyance with Jimin.

“Thanks for that, Jimin,” he said stroppily.

“What?! You know that I’m rooting for you guys!” Jimin laughed.

“It’s not as simple as that, Jimin-ah!” Taehyung cried, “they work together.”

“Aigoo,” Jimin scowled, “we’ll see.  _ This could be the year for the real thing _ .”

“You’re really drunk, Jimin-ah,” Yoongi said quietly, rubbing his back.

Watching Yoongi and Jimin, Hyungsik felt suddenly really depressed again.

When Seojoon returned, he noticed he looked distinctly less buoyant too and Hyungsik wanted desperately to apologise to him.

They drank side-by-side for the rest of night, considerably more subdued than they were before, until Hyungsik found an opportunity to squeeze Seojoon’s hand under the table for the briefest moment, offering him a discreet sad smile.

Before he could move his hand away however, Seojoon turned his hand over and grabbed onto him, sliding his fingers between Hyungsik’s, his eyes subtly drifting in Hyungsik’s direction but never meeting his gaze.

They sat hand-in-hand beside one another until the singing was done and everyone was extremely drunk.

Outside the bar, as everyone began parting, Hyungsik wanted to find an opportunity to hug Seojoon, maybe even kiss him on the cheek, the alcohol in his system telling him that such gestures weren’t a big deal anyway. 

Taehyung had remained vigilant on his best-friend-watch however, and began dragging him away in the direction of the subway, shouting, “bye, Mr. Fucking Amazing!”, as Seojoon walked backwards away from them, offering Hyungsik a small, regretful wave.

_ He  _ _ is _ _ fucking amazing. _

_ Islands in the stream. _

_ How can we be wrong? _

  
  


***

“I’m just so glad I found you!” Taehyung cried, before shovelling a large ball of rice into his mouth, chewing it energetically with his mouth open, “god knows what would’ve happened otherwise!”

They were eating breakfast in the kitchen, the Sunday morning after the spontaneous karaoke night with Seojoon, and Taehyung was still chastising Hyungsik for going to Itaewon.

“How many times do I have to say to you?” Hyungsik scowled, his cheeks full of food, “I went there to apologise and we were literally just talking about how to deal with the work situation.”

Taehyung raised an eyebrow.

“Hyung, you  _ also  _ told me that he confessed to having liked you since he met you,” Taehyung reminded him, “and that it made you fucking cry! You were both on the cusp of some romantic shit and based on what happened the last time, you don’t seem to be able to think rationally when you’re around him. Apart from maybe a twenty minute window  _ after  _ you’ve had an orgasm.”

_ God, I hate it when he’s right. _

Hyungsik said nothing but poured hangover soup into his mouth.

“Jimin though,” Taehyung said to him, eyes wide.

“Yeah, Jimin,” Hyungsik shook his head, wiping his mouth with a napkin, before exclaiming: “and you! You called him Mr. Fucking Amazing!”

Taehyung shrank down on his stool looking sheepish.

“Sorry, hyung,” he winced.

Hyungsik shook his head again, scowling at his friend, before letting out a long sigh.

“I feel like an addict,” Hyungsik admitted bitterly, “every time I think: I just want to  _ see  _ him, I see him and then I think: I just want to  _ talk to him _ and then I talk to him and think: I just want to  _ touch  _ him-”

“You’re a love-sick puppy alright,” Taehyung nodded at him, pressing his lips together in a sad smile.

“I’m pathetic,” Hyungsik grumbled, flicking his napkin onto the floor as a small form of tantrum.

“Well you must think  _ he  _ is too, cos he’s on  _ your  _ hook,  _ that  _ much is obvious,” Taehyung said quietly, reaching for the last dumpling with his chopsticks.

“If I think that, I feel miserable. But if I think, he might not be, I feel miserable,” Hyungsik complained, “this is a shitty, shitty situation.”

Taehyung sighed.

“I’m not being unsympathetic, hyung, but you’re just going around in circles now,” he told him, sounding a little exasperated.

Hyungsik slumped down on his stool and looked at the ceiling, before throwing himself at the breakfast bar, collapsing his arms, hands and face onto it, not caring when he felt sticky rice pressing into his left cheek.

“We just need to keep you busy,” Taehyung suggested, resting his chopsticks on his bowl and chewing his mouthful.

“I just need to be sedated,” Hyungsik replied dramatically.

“Will you be mad if I go out today at some point?” Taehyung asked tentatively.

Hyungsik sat up and narrowed his eyes at him.

“To go where?”

Taehyung swung around on his stool and stood up, stacking the bowls and busying himself with clearing the table.

“I’m just meeting up with Jungkook for a bit,” Taehyung said nonchalantly.

“I feel like I’ve missed something. Or you’ve just not been telling me stuff because of my situation,” Hyungsik said, looking confused.

Taehyung shrugged.

“We’re not really labelling it yet so I didn’t think I should tell you.”

“So you’re finally, actually a thing?!” Hyungsik asked him, feeling excited but also furious.

_ There it is. _

_ I’m the loneliest man on the planet. _

“We’re not labelling it but I guess ‘a thing’ just about covers it,” Taehyung said with a smirk, avoiding Hyungsik’s stare.

“So, what are we talking?!” Hyungsik asked, desperate for details, “is this like hanging out and seeing where it goes or have you done stuff?”

“Fuck’s sake, hyung,” Taehyung sighed.

“I tell you everything!” Hyungsik cried.

“I never ask!” Taehyung laughed.

Hyungsik leaped off of his stool and grabbed his friends arm, pouting, “I need this Tae-Tae! Give me some vicarious relationship-stuff, please!”

Taehyung looked uncharacteristically coy then, and paused to think about it.

“Well…” he started, “I’ve been cautious about jumping into it and we’ve just been taking it slow but I think I feel ready now.”

“Why are you like this?” Hyungsik frowned at him.

“What?!” Taehyung exclaimed, widening his eyes.

Hyungsik sighed and walked back over to his stool.

“You’re always so… I don’t know innocent and chaste,” Hyungsik said a little bitterly, “don’t you not ever just-”

“Hyung, it’s not about that,” Taehyung interrupted with a scowl, “I just prefer to understand my own feelings before bringing sex into it. It’s not that I don’t  _ want  _ to.”

Hyungsik brought his hand to his chin.

“What if you already  _ think  _ you know your feelings because you’ve known them for two years and think you have them all figured out, and then they look at you like you’re this tasty snack, and so you kiss them thinking “nothing will come of this anyway” and then they kiss you back like they want you more than oxygen, and you end up having the kind of sex that is full of so much unspoken feeling, that afterwards it’s like everything’s… technicolour?”

Taehyung stared at him, chewing on his lower lip.

“How about I let you know if that ever comes up?”

***

Monday morning rolled around much quicker than Hyungsik anticipated.

With Taehyung out for most of the afternoon and evening, he was sure that his Sunday would drag, but he managed to keep himself busy with laundry, a game of chase-the-string with the neighbours cat, a re-organisation of his books and a lot of trashy TV.

He thought about Seojoon whenever his mind was idle, regularly looking at his phone even though he knew he wouldn’t contact him, and refreshing his Instagram on the off-chance he added anything. It had been dormant for months anyway.

When Hyungsik woke up with a start on Monday morning, his book was resting on his cheek and his phone alarm was shrieking beside him.

His bedroom was dark and he could hear heavy rain falling outside.

It was much earlier than he usually woke up on a weekday, but he had purposefully set an earlier alarm so that he could mentally prepare himself for the day - to see Seojoon again and do their best at being normal with one another.

Beginning his typical morning routine of checking social media, Hyungsik noticed an Instagram notification:

**_calico-cat has tagged you in a photo_ **

He tapped on the notification and the photo appeared on his screen.

It was of him and Seojoon, laughing together on the karaoke stage, coloured lights all around them.

Jimin’s caption read:  _ This could be the year for the real thing #IslandsintheStream #RootingForYou _

To Hyungsik’s absolute horror, he realised Seojoon had been tagged too.

He quickly sent off a message to Jimin:

**_I’m begging you Jiminie, please take that down *praying hands emoji*_ **

He watched the screen, waiting for the message to be read, but it didn’t happen.

_ This is just fucking great. _

_ What a perfect start to the week. _

_ Why? _

_ Why is Jimin like this?! _

***

The streets of Seoul were slick with rain, and there was a slight chill in the air, as Hyungsik walked from the subway station to the Pulse Games office building.

He bought himself a coffee and some toast from one of the trucks outside and made his way into the office.

It was a novel experience for him to be in the building as early as he was, and he found it slightly unsettling how quiet it was, the occasional sounds bouncing between the glass windows, from unknown sources.

The office was empty and dark, so he turned on all the lights, and filled the coffee machine in his department’s kitchen, figuring he’d save Bo-young a job.

He had been working for around half an hour when Siwon walked by, stopping as he noticed their office door was open.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” Siwon quipped, waggling one of his eyebrows at Hyungsik, “or is that really Park Hyungsik, at work, at seven thirty?”

“Morning, seonbae,” Hyungsik sighed, “I wanted to get a head start this week.”

“Yah, how’s the husband?” Siwon asked, in a mock-conspiratorial whisper.

“Whatever it was, it’s all fine now,” Hyungsik lied, deciding that it was useless to deny that there had been an issue between them. 

It was a half-truth so he hoped that his delivery was convincing enough to appease Siwon.

Siwon took a sharp intake of breath.

“He didn’t even tell you what it was?” Siwon furrowed his brow, before grinning, “bet you had to say sorry anyway though, right?”

Hyungsik just shook his head and laughed.

“Yah, can you tell him I left these for him?” Siwon said then, dropping a pile of paper onto Seojoon’s desk, “just in case he doesn’t know they were from me. Thanks!”

Before Hyungsik could acknowledge his request, he was gone.

Hyungsik returned to the piece he was working on, but he couldn’t help but feel curious about what Siwon had left for Seojoon.

He stood up and walked cautiously over to his desk, looking at the doorway to be sure no one would see him and he glanced at the pile of paper.

PULSE GAMES SAN FRANCISCO

ANNUAL ROADMAP

Hyungsik frowned.

Was he working on something for the San Francisco team?

He was about to flick through the pages to see what the other documents were, when Seojoon appeared at the doorway, and Hyungsik leaped backwards with a start.

Seojoon looked from Hyungsik to the papers and back again and let out a small laugh.

“Everything okay?” he smiled, looking mildly amused and confused.

“Morning,” Hyungsik managed, before clearing his throat and pointing at the pile of papers on his desk, “Siwon wanted you to know that he’d dropped those off for you.”

Seojoon walked over to his desk and sat down, pulling the papers towards him.

He cleared his throat and swallowed, an unreadable expression on his face, before opening one of his drawers and tossing the pile of paper inside.

“Are you working on something for San Francisco?” Hyungsik asked quietly, unable to contain his curiosity, “sorry, I looked.”

“Hm, maybe. I don’t know,” Seojoon replied casually, shrugging his shoulders, “you’re here early?”

“I wanted to get a head start,” Hyungsik explained, “I fell pretty far behind last week.”

Seojoon looked up at him and opened his mouth to speak before hesitating.

“I was going to offer to help you,” he said finally with a small superficial laugh, “old habits, die hard. Sorry.”

Hyungsik wanted to hug him.

“Don’t apologise for wanting to help me,” Hyungsik replied quietly, looking at the floor, “I appreciate it.”

Seojoon reached out and wrapped his left hand around Hyungsik’s calf, squeezing his leg lightly, before pulling his hand away.

_ This is gonna kill me. _

“Have you had coffee?” Seojoon asked him, blinking and pressing his lips together as though he were suppressing one or more emotions.

“I can always have more,” Hyungsik shrugged, “but Seojoon.. Ssi…”

He looked at the doorway, remembering where he was and the need for honorifics.

Seojoon looked at him questioningly.

Hyungsik pulled out his phone, opened Instagram, took a breath and showed him Jimin’s post.

Seojoon took Hyungsik’s phone in his hand, peering at the screen.

He said nothing for several seconds, before a heavyhearted smile formed on his lips.

“I really like your friends, Hyungsik-ssi,” he announced, meeting his gaze.

“You’re not worried?” Hyungsik asked him in a low voice, glancing at the door again.

Seojoon’s eyebrows knitted and he laughed.

“What does it prove? That we might actually like each other after all?”

“But Jimin’s caption…” Hyungsik trailed off.

“No one will pay it any attention, Hyungsik...ssi…” Seojoon stumbled to add the honorific, “It’s just song lyrics under a picture from a karaoke bar. He was rooting for our beautiful performance.”

Hyungsik laughed and felt his cheeks grow hot.

_ What the fuck is  _ _ this _ _ now? _

_ I’m blushing like a teenager. _

_ Except, I didn’t blush then either. _

“If it was a contest, which it was, we definitely won,” Seojoon smiled at him.

“What did you win?” an annoyingly familiar, cheery and very unwelcome voice came from the doorway.

He was smiling broadly, his hair slightly wet from the rain outside and looking more casual than usual in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans.

He looked questioningly from Seojoon to Hyungsik and then back again.

_ Fucking Wooshik. _

Hyungsik stepped away from Seojoon’s desk and backed away until he reached his chair and sat down, his eyes never leaving Wooshik who was now just watching Seojoon.

“We ended up going out for karaoke on Saturday night. Hyungsik and I had the best song,” Seojoon said casually, forgetting to use honorifics.

“Oh?” Wooshik asked, looking a little shocked but like he was trying to hide it.

He glanced at Hyungsik, who just crossed his arms and began looking at his fingernails.

“Good weekend?” Seojoon asked Wooshik.

“Er, yeah, thanks,” Wooshik said, falling over his words slightly, “I guess you didn’t see my message?”

Hyungsik swivelled around on his chair so he could silently express his rage with his face.

“Oh, yeah sorry about that,” Seojoon said earnestly, “I didn’t see it until late and I was already out by then, so…”

“No problem,” Wooshik replied cheerily, “where did you guys go?”

“Just a bar in Itaewon,” Seojoon answered him.

“Aish, I was in Itaewon!” Wooshik exclaimed, “I know you live around there right?”

_ You know nothing, Wooshik. _

“Mm-hm,” Seojoon offered in reply.

There was a moment of silence before Wooshik spoke again.

“Lunch today?” he asked Seojoon.

“Sure,” Seojoon replied, after a short pause, “after the departmental meeting?”

“Sounds good!” Wooshik exclaimed, “see you later! Bye Hyungsik-ssi!”

Hyungsik raised a hand over his shoulder, and half-heartedly waved at him, without turning around.

Seojoon turned on the radio quietly and Hyungsik could hear him moving papers on his desk.

“Coffee?” he asked Hyungsik again.

Hyungsik swivelled around in his chair and nodded with a smile.

He fantasised about rushing over to him and hugging him.

To rest his head on his shoulder and caress his neck with his fingers.

To bury his face in his hair and inhale...

_ This is what I’ve been reduced to now. _

_ These are my fantasies. _

_ I’m a husk of a man. _

***

Hyungsik managed to make real progress with his work that morning, getting lost in his art and trying his best to push everything to the back of his mind as much as possible.

The character designs he had been working on for an upcoming deadline had now been coloured and outlined, and he decided to add hand-written annotations beside them with arrows pointing to important costume details, especially those that tied to gameplay.

The Knight, which unbeknownst to Pulse Games, was actually modelled on Seojoon’s body, was finished in both full armour and without a helmet, the helmet-free version painted with a haughty expression and swept back hair.

He met with Siwon to discuss his previous presentation and ask him for feedback, which was surprisingly helpful and he came away feeling like he actually understood where he was going wrong, and a better grasp of what was generally expected from a presentation - something that up until now, he had never had to think about.

Bo-young had visited their office briefly to ask him where he had gone Friday night, since she didn’t see him leave the barbeque restaurant. He lied to her, telling her he had been feeling unwell all afternoon and decided to leave early. She seemed very concerned for him which only served to make him feel worse about lying to her.

During a brief coffee break, standing in the kitchen, he checked his phone and noticed two Instagram notifications.

A message from Jimin:

**_calico-cat: Well, I can’t_ ** **_now_ ** **_can I? ;)_ **

Hyungsik frowned at the screen in confusion.

He looked at the other notification:

**_psj_1216 commented on calico-cat’s post: “Just so we’re clear: I’m Kenny, he’s Dolly”_ **

Hyungsik laughed to himself, involuntarily covering his mouth with his hand and looking around.

He hit ‘like’ on Seojoon’s comment.

Then, it was time for the departmental meeting.

Siwon, Jung-eum, Yoo-jin and many others from their department were squeezed around the large table in the conference room - just one or two representatives for each team. 

Seojoon and Hyungsik sat next to one another and when he arrived a little later, Wooshik seated himself to Seojoon’s right, muttering something to him about coffee and doughnuts that Hyungsik could barely make out.

Siwon led the meeting as the most senior colleague, and talked them through a few changes that had been made to the roadmap, as well as providing an update on the work he was currently leading on. He asked each team to deliver a brief status report, which was typical for these meetings, and Hyungsik and Seojoon each spoke about what they were working on, including the work they would be presenting together. 

Hyungsik noticed Wooshik tapping Seojoon’s hand for attention several times during the meeting, leaning close to him to whisper things in his ear, at one point even sharing a discreet, silent laugh with him.

Hyungsik was incensed.

“Before I release you all back into the wilds,” Siwon announced, as everyone began making moves to leave, “Jung-eum-ssi has some news for you about this year’s annual team building get-away!”

He gestured dramatically to Jung-eum, who threw him a look that said: “ _ you’re such a freak _ ”.

“Ah, yes!” Jung-eum said cheerily, leaning forward in her chair, “we’ve noticed some tension around the office in some teams…”

Everyone turned to look at Seojoon and Hyungsik.

“...and it was a timely reminder that we always need a refresher for working on our communication and interpersonal skills! None of us are perfect, but we just need to know how best to work together to achieve our goals!”

There were some eye-rolls around the table and cynical glances exchanged.

“So, with that in mind, we’ve booked three nights and four days at a Sports & Activities Centre near Mount Seorak, from Thursday the twenty-nineth to Sunday the first, so in four week’s time. You’ll need to bring clothes for being active and hiking, so trainers, hiking boots and active-wear. The weather is supposed to be incredible but you never know in Korea, so come prepared and wear layers!”

There was a murmur around the conference table, and even some sighs and huffs, particularly from teams who had mentioned that they were struggling to make their deadlines.

“I know, I know,” Siwon called out, his hands raised, “you’re worried about losing those two days. I’ve cleared it with Head Office. Anyone who has a deadline after that date will have a week extension. You know we don’t believe in crunch at this company. This is really important to us and you all deserve a break, god dammit!”

There were laughs from around the table at Siwon’s dramatic outburst, which had been punctuated with a bang of his fist on the conference table, and some nods were exchanged, as all seemed to agree that this was an acceptable compromise.

When the meeting was over and as everyone filed out of the conference room, Wooshik tugged on Seojoon’s arm, seemingly as a reminder that they had plans to meet for lunch.

“See you later,” Seojoon smiled at Hyungsik, his eyebrows knitted together in an expression that Hyungsik read as apologetic.

Hyungsik nodded with a small, superficial smile.

He watched as Seojoon and Wooshik walked out of the office together, Wooshik gesticulating wildly as he talked and Seojoon hunching forward occasionally, laughing at whatever Wooshik was saying.

“I  _ love  _ that they have a bromance now!” Hyungsik heard the Community Manager say as she walked out of the conference room, “they’re both so  _ cute _ !”

“I know!” another voice said, one that Hyungsik didn’t recognise, “Ae-ra said that she saw them in the kitchen together last week, and Wooshik was trying to cheer him up by having a staring contest with him, and they both just kept laughing!”

“Awwww!” the Community Manager cooed, as they both walked away down the corridor behind him.

Hyungsik felt like he needed to scream.

_ How the fuck am I supposed to do this?! _

***


	5. The Best Bit of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungsik begins obsessing over social media.

As the week wore on, and June became July, the heat in the city became unbearable.

The office was mercifully comfortable, with an efficient air conditioning system, but the journey to-and-from work on the subway was stuffy and gruelling, and so Hyungsik’s morning coffee order from the trucks outside the office, quickly became an iced-coffee.

He had gotten into the habit of waking early and heading to work before eight, which he told himself was so that he could get a head start on work, but in truth, it was so that he could see Seojoon when the office was quiet.

The first ten minutes after Seojoon arrived for the day, were the closest Hyungsik felt to him, as they talked about their evenings and the projects they were working on. It seemed to Hyungsik that Seojoon looked at him with sadness in his eyes and it often felt as though there was a subtext when they were speaking, one that said: I miss you.

Then, one of them would begin working and the day would pass with few words between them, the radio playing quietly to fill the silence.

Hyungsik would find excuses to ask him work-related questions throughout the day, walking over to his desk and crouching down beside him, pretending to be absorbed in Seojoon’s answer about the paperwork he was showing him, and instead his eyes drifting to his face as he spoke.

As before, Seojoon didn’t talk about his personal life, and Hyungsik became more and more anxious about his blossoming relationship with Wooshik.

He still had no indication of what the nature of the relationship might be, but everyone in the office was obsessed with them, talking about how cute they looked together and sharing anecdotes about their ‘antics’, none of which were particularly note-worthy, but made Hyungsik seethe with anger all the same. 

Starved of information about him, Hyungsik was more excited than he should have been when Seojoon posted on Instagram for the first time in months, that Thursday night.

Taehyung was watching a movie with him and they had ordered fried chicken and beer as a treat, when Hyungsik’s phone buzzed on the coffee table.

He reached across to the table and unlocked the screen to see the notification: 

**_psj_1216 just shared a post_ **

Grabbing his phone, and settling back into the sofa, he quickly opened Instagram.

Seojoon had posted a photo of some street art of the main characters from the _The Wizard of Oz_ , skipping hand in hand on the yellow brick road, a rainbow behind them. Underneath, the caption read: _Dorothy and friends._

Hyungsik felt his heart leap.

There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that this post was for him.

A friend of Dorothy.

Hyungsik double-tapped on the picture to like it, before beginning deliberations about what to comment.

“What are you smiling about?” Taehyung asked with suspicion in his narrowed eyes.

Hyungsik considered not telling Taehyung, feeling sure that he would try to discourage him from commenting on his post, seeing it as a gateway drug to sending Seojoon messages or something, but he concluded that he would rather tell him everything.

He showed Taehyung his phone screen.

“Am I missing something?” Taehyung said, looking at the picture with confusion, “am I supposed to know what this means?”

“Well, that’s Seojoon’s account,” Hyungsik explained, leaning over his shoulder to look at the screen and point, “he posted a picture of some Itaewon graffiti. It’s _The Wizard of Oz_ \- you know that much, right?”

Taehyung raised an eye-brow and side-eyed him.

“Yeah, thanks for explaining that,” he grumbled, “I _can see_ what it is, but why were you over there grinning about it like it he had just sent you a love-note in class?”

“Do you remember I told you about the ‘Friend of Dorothy’ thing?” Hyungsik replied, “this post is pretty much directed at me.”

Taehyung frowned at him.

“I think you’re reaching, hyung,” he said, with a small shake of his head, pressing his lips together.

“Well, I’m sure of it,” Hyungsik said, smiling to himself.

“Wow,” Taehyung gaped at him, “I’ve _never_ seen you like this before.”

“What?” Hyungsik asked defensively.

“I don’t know,” Taehyung looked at his phone, “obsessing over a man’s social media and making the most tenuous connections to yourself about his posts. You really need to try to find a way to get over him, hyung.”

Hyungsik felt like he’d be punched in the stomach.

Taehyung must’ve noticed the impact his words had had on his friend, because his expression shifted into one of remorse and he wrapped an arm around Hyungsik.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean that to sound as harsh as it sounded.”

“It’s okay,” Hyungsik said, a pout on his lip and his eyes filling with tears.

“I just really hate seeing you like this. You’re not yourself and I can’t bear it. It’s like he has a spell over you or something.”

Hyungsik wiped tears from his eyes and sniffed.

“A spell?” he said bitterly, “it’s not a spell, Tae. I love him.”

Taehyung sighed and pulled Hyungsik close for a hug.

“I’m so sorry, hyung,” he replied, “I know you do. It’s easy to forget that you’re suffering and I'm an insensitive asshole.”

Hyungsik laughed, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“You’re probably just sick of me at this point,” he said with a bitter laugh.

“Never!” Taehyung exclaimed before squeezing him tighter and nuzzling into his neck, “you’re my Huggsie!”

Hyungsik laughed harder this time, wiping the tears from his eyes and wrapping his arms around Taehyung.

“I love you, Tae,” he said over his shoulder.

“I love you too, hyung,” 

  
  


When they finally settled back onto the sofa to continue watching their movie, Hyungsik drying his tears and Taehyung making sure he was okay again, Hyungsik looked at his phone and noticed that there were two likes on Seojoon’s post and a comment.

**_ws-2013: that girl keeps some fine company_ **

Hyungsik felt his heartbeat quicken and he frowned as he tapped on the user profile.

His heart sank as he scrolled through their pictures.

_Fucking Wooshik._

Wooshik posing with an ice cream, his tongue poking out of his mouth on one side.

A video of him stroking a random cat that he met on the street.

Selcas of him lying in bed and outside in the sun.

Macro-shots of circuit boards.

An odd-shaped cloud.

And, further back, six months ago, a photo of a night out with friends, and there, sitting at the table with them all, was Seojoon.

He looked a little awkward but he was smiling.

Hyungsik tapped on the comments and sure enough, Seojoon had left one:

**_psj_1216: why do I always look like a ghost haunting the party?_ **

Wooshik had replied with a laugh emoji.

Hyungsik wanted to throw something.

He scrolled through Wooshik’s photos, searching back further for pictures of Seojoon but couldn’t find any.

Then he began checking his posts for comments from Seojoon.

It wasn’t long before he found some.

Under a selca from seven months ago, of Wooshik lying in the sun, grass underneath him and dark sunglasses on, his hair stuck up at odd angles, Seojoon had written:

**_psj_1216: that’s a look_ **

_Oh my fucking god._

_This is actual flirting._

_What if he’s actually into him?!_

Hyungsik looked at the photo again.

Objectively, he could see that Wooshik was cute but… really?

_Him?_

“Fuccckkkkkkkkk,” Hyungsik groaned, throwing his phone on to the floor, making Taehyung jump, “I can’t. I can’t!”

Taehyung sat up on the sofa and leaned over to him, resting his hand on his back as he buried his face in the sofa cushions.

“What happened?!” he asked, sounding confused.

“There’s this guy, at work, and he’s friends with Seojoon and I’m pretty sure he’s into him!” Hyungsik wailed into the fabric of the cushion.

“Who’s into who?” Taehyung asked, still sounding lost.

“The guy is _definitely_ into Seojoon, but I think Seojoon might be into him too.”

“I’m guessing you saw something on his Instagram to make you think that?” Taehyung tried.

Hyungsik nodded into the cushion.

“I hate that this is happening to you, hyung,” Taehyung started, “but maybe something like this would be the best thing for both of you?”

Hyungsik sat up on the sofa and met Taehyung’s gaze with a pout.

“Logically, I know that,” he admitted miserably, “but right now, I don’t know how I’m ever going to get to a point where I’m okay with that. Watching them go to lunch together is enough to make me want to burn the office down. Them having sex… I can feel myself having a heart-attack.”

“Even if that happens, it’s not like you’ll have to watch them,” Taehyung quipped, clearly trying his best to make Hyungsik laugh.

“Tae-Tae!” Hyungsik wailed, punching his lightly on the shoulders with both of his hands, “I’m in actual pain here!”

“Hyung!” Taehyung exclaimed, “you said yourself: you don’t even _know_ if Seojoon’s into him. Aren’t you freaking out a little prematurely?”

“I know,” Hyungsik grumbled.

“Okay, so, just… try not to obsess over this,” Taehyung suggested to him, “and whatever you do: do _not_ ask Seojoon about it.”

_Sometimes it’s like he’s in my brain._

“I won’t,” Hyungsik said, another pout on his lips.

Taehyung got up from the sofa and retrieved Hyungsik’s phone from the floor.

“And maybe uninstall Instagram?” he added, as he handed it to him.

_Pfft._

_That would be the reasonable thing to do._

_But I’m far past the point of reason._

Hyungsik unlocked the screen and looked at Wooshik’s profile.

He tapped on the bell notification icon next to his name.

***

As Hyungsik walked past the coffee truck on Friday morning, it occurred to him to buy Seojoon a coffee too, so he ordered two iced coffees: one with milk and syrup, the other black, the way Seojoon likes it.

When he walked into their office, he was surprised to find Seojoon already sitting behind his desk, looking up with a small smile when he saw Hyungsik.

“Morning,” Hyungsik smiled at him, “I got you a coffee. I hope that’s okay?”

Seojoon’s brows knitted as though he were touched by the small gesture, and he let out a little laugh.

“Of course it’s okay,” he said softly, “thank you.”

Hyungsik walked over to his desk and set the coffee down, avoiding the papers he had spread-out around his keyboard and tablet.

“Did you have a good evening?” Seojoon asked him, reaching for the coffee and then sitting back in his chair to meet Hyungsik’s gaze.

_I saw your post._

“Yeah, I just watched a movie with Tae, and we ordered fried chicken,” Hyungsik said with a smile, “how about you?”

_Did you think of me when you saw that street art?_

Seojoon took a quick sip of his coffee and then shrugged.

“I didn’t do much. Watered my plants. Did some painting. The usual.”

_Did you talk to_ _him_ _?_

_Did you_ _see_ _him?_

_Do you like him?_

“Looks like we’ve been asked to change the layout for the Kimtrix level,” Seojoon continued, pointing at an email on his screen, “they want us to try some overlays too.”

_Is that a new shirt?_

_It looks good on you._

“Hyungsik...ssi?” Seojoon asked, leaning forward and peering at him, as Hyungsik’s eyes drifted to the floor.

“Hm?” Hyungsik replied, “oh right, yeah. We can do that this morning if you want?”

“I just need to finish this piece and then we can look at it, “ Seojoon replied, rolling his chair forward and picking up his stylus, “give me thirty minutes?”

Hyungsik nodded with a small smile and walked over to his desk.

Then he absorbed what Seojoon had said to him.

_Overlays of what?_

He turned around and stepped forward to ask Seojoon for more information about the layout changes, only to find himself face-to-face with him in a near-collision.

Seojoon looked panicked and Hyungsik had a fight-or-flight impulse, except in this case ‘fight’ was ‘push-onto-floor-and-ravage’. 

Seojoon cleared his throat as he stepped backwards, his eyes blinking and looking around the room awkwardly. 

Hyungsik leaped backwards towards his desk and grabbed his coffee, taking a big swig, which went down the wrong way, sending him into an uncontrollable coughing-fit.

Clearly concerned for him, Seojoon tentatively stepped forward and reached around to his back to pat him.

“You okay?” Seojoon asked him.

Hyungsik managed to nod and give him a very awkward thumbs up, which sent them both into a fit of hysterics.

“What’s so funny?” came a cheery voice from the doorway.

Hyungsik didn’t have to look to know who it was, but he glared at him anyway.

“You two look like you’re having way too much fun for work,” Wooshik added.

Seojoon coughed before speaking, clearly still recovering.

“I guess you had to be there?” he replied, with a shrug and an apologetic look to Wooshik.

“Okay well, I bought you something,” Wooshik said quickly, stepping into the office and watching as Seojoon walked back over to his desk.

Hyungsik picked up his coffee and pretended to not be interested.

Wooshik placed a small cardboard box of some kind on Seojoon’s desk, which rattled in a sound that seemed familiar to Hyungsik somehow.

Seojoon picked up the box and inspected it, Hyungsik realising that it was a box of pencils.

“You said you wanted to get back into sketching, well, these are apparently the smoothest pencils you can get,” Wooshik told him, looking pleased with himself.

“That’s really kind of you,” Seojoon said earnestly, “thank you, Wooshik-ssi.”

_And I just bought you stupid coffee._

“Yah, I was thinking,” Wooshik continued, “do you want to come out with all of us tonight? The usual crowd, we were thinking Itaewon so we’d be in your neighbourhood anyway?”

Seojoon turned to look at Hyungsik for the briefest of moments before looking at the pencils in his hand.

_No, no, no._

_Say no._

“Okay sure,” Seojoon replied, but Hyungsik could hear hesitation in his voice, “shall I meet you there? I want to go home and shower first.”

“Sure,” Wooshik beamed, “I’ll send you a message when we’re there and let you know where we end up.”

“Sounds good,” Seojoon nodded.

“Daebak, see you later then,” Wooshik grinned, looking like he had just won a prize, which as far as Hyungsik was concerned, he had, “bye Hyungsik-ssi!”

Hyungsik narrowed his eyes at him, as he walked away without a glance to Hyungsik.

_It’s wrong for me to hate you._

_But I hate you._

Seojoon cleared his throat and turned to face Hyungsik, leaning against his desk.

“Um, I was just gonna say, before Wooshik… The overlays,” Seojoon started, stumbling over his words.

“Right, yeah,” Hyungsik replied, eyes wide and trying his best to look nonchalant, “I was gonna ask what you meant by that.”

Seojoon walked over to Hyungsik’s desk, looking at his computer monitors, so Hyungsik took it as a cue to pull up his emails, which he did swivelling around to face the screen.

Seojoon leaned over him slightly to point at the email he was talking about.

Hyungsik felt his pulse quicken involuntarily, as the now very familiar smell of fabric softener, coconut and coffee, reached his nose.

He scratched his head and his eyes darted away, looking anywhere but in Seojoon’s direction.

Hyungsik quickly opened the email.

“See, it’s this section,” Seojoon started, deep in concentration, “I think if we just move this here, and combine those elements…”

_I fucking love his hair._

“...maybe remove that character…”

_I love the way it feels when I push my hands into it._

“...I don’t know. Maybe you really want to keep that version in but I’m not sure it fits?”

_Especially when he’s on top of me._

“Hyungsik...ssi…?” Seojoon said, looking at him, his eyes wide.

Hyungsik met his gaze before looking away again with a cough.

“Sorry, I was thinking about something else…” Hyungsik admitted, before pointing at the screen, “combine those elements?”

“And remove this version of The Knight?”

Hyungsik looked at what he was pointing at. 

It was the Seojoon Knight. Helmet off, hair swept back, with a haughty expression.

Hyungsik glanced at Seojoon, momentarily worried that he might somehow know that it was fashioned after him, but Seojoon just continued to look at him questioningly.

“We can remove it,” Hyungsik said with a nod, turning his gaze back to the screen.

“Okay, so I’ll make the changes and send it to you first, shall I?” Seojoon asked him.

“Sounds good, thanks,” Hyungsik smiled, his eyes still on his screen, but drifting to Seojoon’s right hand, which was now resting on his desk.

_Why are his hands so sexy?_

_I want to touch him._

“Everything okay?” Seojoon asked him, a look of concern on his face.

_No, I want you so much that it physically hurts._

“Mhm,” Hyungsik nodded, “I think I just need more coffee.”

Seojoon laughed.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll let you wake up a bit before asking you all the questions,” he joked, before walking back to his desk and switching on his radio.

_And there it goes._

_The best bit of the day._

_***_

“Oh, Huggsie!” Hoseok wailed, “we’re gonna make it all better for you!”

He was slightly drunk and draped across Hyungsik, as he shouted in his ear, struggling to be heard over the music in the night club.

Taehyung had convinced him to come out for a night of dancing, laughter and alcohol to take his mind off of the fact that Seojoon was out with Wooshik, and to stop him obsessing over their Instagram accounts.

For the first few hours, it seemed to be a failure, Hyungsik not feeling in the mood to dance, instead sitting alone in a booth and scrolling through pictures on his phone, stopping occasionally to look at Seojoon’s Instagram profile.

But as the alcohol content increased in his system, he found himself feeling more and more resolved to try and move on with his life, after all Seojoon was out with Wooshik and whatever happened, it was over between them.

He had just located his friends dancing when Hoseok had spotted him and grinned, clearly pleased to see he had changed his mind.

Taehyung was completely lost in the gaze of Jungkook, who was dancing closely opposite him, both of them looking every bit like a couple who hadn’t had sex yet but really wanted to and soon.

Jimin had managed to drag Yoongi onto the dancefloor, who was making him laugh with his ‘signature moves’ as he liked to call them, Jimin grabbing at the back of his neck to pull him closer every time he drifted away from him.

Hyungsik couldn’t even look at Namjoon and Jin, because the sight of them mock-voguing was just too embarrassing for him.

So, he was relieved for Hoseok, the only other single guy in the group.

His partner-in-lonely-crime.

“I was gonna get more drinks!” Hyungsik shouted into his ear, “help me?”

Hoseok nodded enthusiastically with a big, broad grin, before tapping on Jin’s shoulder and pointing at the bar so that they knew where they were going.

They made their way through the crowd and reached the bar, which was relatively quiet, so Hyungsik was served almost immediately.

“Hobi?” a voice called from further along the bar.

Hoseok leaned forward and looked in the direction of the voice and his eyes widened in happy surprise.

“Haein!” he cried, jumping up and down and clapping, before rushing over to the man and dragging him back to where Hyungsik was standing.

He was shorter than Hyungsik, with a slim build and a cute, baby face, so Hyungsik couldn’t guess his age but he assumed he was in his mid-to-late twenties. He looked dashing in a black and white suit, a thin tie hanging from his neck and polished shoes.

“Is it just you two or is the whole gang here?” the man asked Hoseok, a broad smile on his face.

_He’s cute._

_He reminds me of Seojoon when he smiles._

“Oh the whole gang’s here,” Hoseok confirmed, “Haein, this is Park Hyungsik! Hyungsik this is Jung Haein!”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Haein nodded with a small bow.

“Nice to meet you,” Hyungsik nodded back at him, a polite smile on his lips.

Haein started up a conversation with Hoseok about another friend of theirs that he had bumped into that night, and so Hyungsik grabbed everyone’s drinks on a tray and took it back to their booth, feeling too awkward to linger next to them as they talked.

He was just about to pull out his phone again, when a man approached him.

“You’re back again!” the man cried, looking a little drunk.

He was younger than Hyungsik, maybe early-to-mid twenties and had a short, stocky build. He was wearing a white vest and baggy jeans, his hair slicked back with a lot of product and gave the overall impression of a noughties group idol.

Hyungsik just smiled and laughed awkwardly.

“I’ve been watching you!” the man tried again, shouting but leaning as close to Hyungsik as he could get away with, “it’s a crime that you’re sitting here alone tonight!”

“I’m fine!” Hyungsik called out to him, smiling politely, “I’m with my friends!”

Suddenly, another man, another stranger sat down opposite Hyungsik and smiled at him.

“Sorry I’m late!” he called, before looking at the noughties-idol questioningly.

He was tall, around the same height as Hyungsik, with a lean build, high cheekbones and a strongly defined cupid's bow on his full lips. His hair was cut short and styled off of his face in a messy-but-deliberate way. If Hyungsik had to guess, he would say he was around the same age as him, maybe a little younger.

“I’ll leave you in peace, sorry!” the noughties-idol called, before walking away with a shake of his head and a dismissive wave of his hand.

Hyungsik watched him leave, before turning to look at his new booth-mate.

“Sorry!” he called, smiling, “that guy’s been sharking all night! I figured you needed rescuing!”

Hyungsik laughed.

“Thanks!” he called back.

“I’m Seo Kangjoon!” the man cried.

Hyungsik tilted his head and regarded the man.

_He’s kinda cute, I guess._

_And I really need to stop obsessing over Seojoon._

“Park Hyungsik,” Hyungsik smiled.

“Dance with me?” Kangjoon asked.

Hyungsik grabbed his drink from the tray and poured a small shot of soju, which he dropped into his beer. He took a large gulp from the glass and then turned to Kangjoon, offering him a small nod.

They both stood up from the booth, and Kangjoon led them both to the dance floor.

As they began dancing together, Hyungsik realised they were close to his friends and he made eye contact with Jimin, who raised an eyebrow at him at the sight of Kangjoon, a big grin spreading across his face. He tapped on Yoongi’s arm and said something into his ear, and Hyungsik saw him nodding a wordless approval.

Kangjoon was a good dancer. He moved to the rhythm in perfect synchronicity and didn’t breach Hyungsik’s personal space too often, saving that for slower tempos, which Hyungsik approved of. He hated it when people got too close straight away - it just seemed desperate and shattered the illusion that they were dancing just to dance. Which tonight, Hyungsik wasn’t sure of.

Hyungsik enjoyed the way Kangjoon laughed when a song he liked came on, widening his mouth in excitement, and meeting Hyungsik’s gaze, as though they were sharing the moment. Like old friends. Or lovers. 

Kangjoon was playful, enjoying the occasional joke-dance in which he would hold Hyungsik’s hands, raising their arms as though they were ballroom dancing and twirl Hyungsik, which made him laugh for the first time in what had felt like so long. 

But he was also sexy, the expression on his face, at times, like that of a model, lips slightly parted in a pout that seemed entirely natural, and Hyungsik started to enjoy it when they touched, skin brushing softly against skin, their hands on each other as they danced.

When the group headed back to the booth for drinks, Taehyung pressed his palm lightly onto Hyungsik’s back and called into his ear, “we’re gonna sit down for a bit! Bring your friend!”. 

Hyungsik looked at him and he grinned back at him.

Kangjoon had stopped dancing and was watching them with mild amusement, so Hyungsik leaned forward and called into his ear, “do you want to stop for a drink with us?”

Kangjoon nodded.

Hyungsik led them back to the booth and Kangjoon sat down beside Hyungsik, his friends not being subtle about their interest.

“This is Seo Kangjoon!” Hyungsik called out to them all, gesturing to Kangjoon with his upturned hand.

“Nice to meet you, Kangjoon!” Jimin shouted, a mischievous glint in his eye, “and how did you meet our gorgeous, ‘Sik?”

“He saved me from someone,” Hyungsik said with a half-smile, before glancing at Kangjoon.

Kangjoon smiled back at him, his eyes scanning Hyungsik’s face, and it was clear to Hyungsik that he was liking what he saw.

“I think this calls for more soju and beer!” Namjoon announced, standing up from his seat at the end of the other side of the booth.

The group remained seated for the next eight or nine songs, downing their drinks quickly and exchanging brief, drunken and shouty words with one another from across the booth. 

It was when Taehyung and Jungkook started kissing, that the rest of the group fled back to the dancefloor.

This time, Kangjoon didn’t hesitate to pull Hyungsik close to him as they danced, his hands on Hyungsik’s hips and a hungry look in his eyes as he smiled at him mischievously.

Hyungsik, now extremely drunk and enjoying the attention, could feel his inhibitions melting away, as they both moved in unison to the beat of the music, Kangjoon's gaze fixed on Hyungsik, Hyungsik looking anywhere but at Kangjoon, a knowing smile on his face.

As the fifth song came to an end, Kangjoon took Hyungsik’s hand and gestured to a booth in a dark corner of the club.

Hyungsik smiled at him, biting his lip.

Kangjoon led Hyungsik to the booth and they both sat down, moving along the seat until they were sitting at the back, slightly obscured by a pillar to one side of them.

Kangjoon didn’t hesitate to lean close to Hyungsik, sliding a hand around to his back and pulling him close until their lips met.

His lips were soft and warm, and Hyungsik returned the kiss, their lips slowly parting, tongues touching, gently at first, then with an increasing hunger. 

He tasted of beer and spearmint.

It was as Kangjoon's hand moved to Hyungsik’s neck that he thought of Seojoon.

Hyungsik pictured his face.

The way he had looked at Hyungsik before they had had sex for the first time, his fingers caressing his neck.

He recalled how good it felt when Seojoon’s lips and tongue were on his neck.

_Oh, god…_

Hyungsik pulled away from Kangjoon, who looked shocked and confused.

“Um, I’m sorry!” Hyungsik called out to him, before starting to slide across the seats to leave. “I… I… have to go! I’m sorry!”

He walked away quickly, past the bar and out into the corridor that led to the bathrooms. 

He could feel that he was breathing heavily and felt a little nauseous.

_I’m broken._

_I’ll never be over this._

_I’ll never want anyone but him._

“Hyung?” he heard Taehyung say, from beside him, “are you okay?”

Taehyung placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We were just coming back to the booth when we saw you walking away from that guy,” Taehyung explained, “what did he say to you?!”

“Nothing,” Hyungsik admitted, “ _he_ wasn’t the problem. It’s me.”

Taehyung pulled on his arm and pulled him close for a hug.

“It’s okay,” he said soothingly, “don’t hurry yourself. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

_I fucking love this man._

“Thanks, Tae-Tae,” Hyungsik said quietly, feeling his voice break, “you have no idea how much I needed to hear that right now. I feel like such a freak.”

“No!” Taehyung cried, a little drunkenly, grabbing at Hyungsik’s neck and squeezing him, “you’re not a freak! You’re my Huggsie and you’re nursing a broken heart! We bought you out here to dance and get drunk! That’s it! It’s not your fault that you’re a tasty snack, snaring men left-and-right, without trying!”

Hyungsik nodded, pressing his head up against Taehyung’s.

Taehyung exhaled loudly before pulling away from him, clutching his shoulders.

“Come on, let’s get you more alcohol”

***

Three weeks passed and Hyungsik could feel he was drifting further away from Seojoon.

Life remained the same, his routine unchanged, but with every day that passed, the reality of working with someone he had fallen in love with but couldn’t have, became an extremely depressing one.

Hyungsik didn’t know what he had expected to happen, he had been the one to end it after all, but the honest truth was: he hadn’t thought much further ahead than the next time he would see Seojoon, as though he could be sustained just by being in close proximity to him. 

This was quickly proving to be a false assumption. 

Seojoon still looked at him with sadness in his eyes and still talked to him in that soft, soothing way that he did, ever since that night at the karaoke bar, but Hyungsik’s desire for more was growing rather than diminishing, and what felt like enough to sustain him before, become painfully fleeting.

To make matters worse, Wooshik had become a regular feature in the few moments that Hyungsik had with Seojoon, showing up earlier to work in the mornings and eating into the precious time that Hyungsik had alone with him, instead forcing Hyungsik to watch as he made every effort to win Seojoon’s affections.

Wooshik had invited Seojoon out with his friends for the last three Fridays, and each time Seojoon had gone, Hyungsik having no clue as to where they went, who they were with or what might have happened, hearing only small hints from their conversations about it on Monday morning.

He still had no understanding of the nature of their relationship or what may or may not be blossoming between them, but it seemed to Hyungsik that nothing had happened between them, solely based on how much Wooshik still seemed to be pursuing Seojoon.

They had both been posting semi-regularly on Instagram, mercifully not pictures of each other or of them together, but Hyungsik had been watching with increasing hopelessness as they exchanged comments with one another, Seojoon’s comments being infuriatingly ambiguous due to his dry sense of humour, but that _could_ be interpreted as flirting.

He wondered what was happening between them.

He wondered if Seojoon thought of him. 

He wondered if he still missed him.

By the time the monthly office-night-out arrived, Hyungsik felt defeated and braced himself for a night of misery, this time telling himself he was going to remain as sober as possible and avoid Wooshik and Seojoon, something he assumed would be relatively easy since Wooshik would likely drag him away anyway.

As staff from other departments started to make their way to the elevators, Seojoon and Hyungsik began getting ready to leave, Hyungsik shutting down his computer and grabbing his jacket from the hooks behind the door.

They were about to head to the exit together, when Wooshik approached them.

“Mind if I walk with you guys?” he asked, joyfully.

_Why the hell not?_

“Sure,” Seojoon smiled at him, “how was your day?”

“Ah, you know the usual,” Wooshik smirked, “wrote some code, deleted that code, broke some stuff, fixed some stuff…”

“Right,” Seojoon laughed, “things a caveman like me wouldn’t get.”

They reached the elevators and waited.

“Hmm, I wouldn’t call you a caveman,” Wooshik replied, his fingers on his chin, “you’re a sensitive artiste.”

Seojoon scoffed.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he said.

The elevator doors opened in front of them and they stepped inside with a few other people from their office.

“I really think that covers it,” Wooshik laughed, “I’m still reeling from the revelation that you keep an easel in your fridge!”

Hyungsik felt like his heart had stopped.

He fought an urge to look at Seojoon.

To ask him with his eyes how Wooshik came to know about the easel in his fridge.

Had he been to his apartment?

_I feel sick._

He heard Seojoon laugh awkwardly, which only served to make Hyungsik feel worse.

_Is he laughing awkwardly because he feels bad for me, even though nothing happened between them, or is it because they had sex and he didn’t want me to find out like this?_

_This is like torture._

_Surely I’m allowed to just ask him at this point?!_

_I need to know or I’m going to go insane._

_But do I really_ _want_ _to know?_

_Especially if they’re having sex._

Hyungsik wanted to sink to the floor of the elevator and curl into the foetal position.

“Do you paint Hyungsik-ssi?” Wooshik asked him suddenly, happy curiosity in his voice, seemingly still utterly oblivious of Hyungsik’s resentment towards him.

“Hmm? Paint? Me? No,” Hyungsik managed to say, avoiding his gaze, “I mostly sketch. That and digital art.”

“That’s really cool,” Wooshik replied, earnestly, “I love your work by the way.”

_Just don’t._

_I am_ _not_ _the way to his heart._

“Thanks,” Hyungsik replied, sounding more sarcastic than he intended, a fake laugh escaping his lips.

Seojoon looked at him, recognising his fake laugh and they exchanged a glance that Hyungsik found utterly unreadable.

It could have been Seojoon silently chastising him for being rude or it could have been his way of acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation.

“Hyungsik-ssi is very talented,” he said finally, holding Hyungsik’s gaze.

Hyungsik felt a tiny glimmer of hope flicker into existence.

“Thanks Seojoon-ssi,” he replied, trying to convey his feelings in just his eyes and expression.

He could see Wooshik looking at them both out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t care.

The elevator doors opened and they both looked away from each other, stepping out into the lobby and the three of them walked in an awkward silence to the doors.

As they stepped out of the office building, Hyungsik saw Bo-young skipping towards him, a sweet smile on her face.

“Hyungsik-ssi!” she cried before looping her hand around his arm, “how are you?”

“I’m good, Bo-young-ssi,” he lied, smiling at her, “how are you doing?”

“Are you okay, Seojoon-ssi?” Hyungsik heard Wooshik say quietly behind him.

“I’m really relieved it’s Friday,” Bo-young replied, cheerily, drowning out the voices from behind him, “let me buy you a drink?”

“That’d be nice, thanks Bo-young-ssi,” Hyungsik nodded and smiled at her, “only if I can buy one for you though!”

She nodded enthusiastically.

_She‘s so fucking cute._

_I’m sorry I like men, Bo-young._

_It would be so much easier, if right now, I didn’t like men._

_Or rather: man._

***

It was an especially busy Saturday night in Itaewon.

The streets were bustling: lively locals bouncing between bars and tourists shopping in the late hours, stopping to take photos of the neon signs.

It had been raining that day, so the tarmac was glittering, the pools of water reflecting the neon signs, a magical, colourful glow sat beneath the stars of the clear night sky above.

Hyungsik had been, once again, dragged out for the night by his friends.

He was stumbling, drunk, arm-in-arm with Jimin, who was explaining to him in great detail how much he despised a woman that he worked with.

“We can’t all be lucky and work with an absolute _snack_ , like you!” Jimin exclaimed with a slur.

“Lucky,” Hyungsik scoffed, “is that what you’d call it?!”

“Yah,” Jimin said then, suddenly stopping, “didn’t you say he lived around here?”

Hyungsik looked around him, getting his bearings.

He realised that they were standing directly at the bottom of the steep, narrow steps that led to that rusty red building in which Seojoon lived.

Hyungsik nodded in the direction of the stairs.

“Ooh, show me?” Jimin said with a drunken whisper.

Hyungsik looked at the stairs.

_I’m only showing him a building._

_That’s not a crime._

He nodded at Jimin.

They were halfway up the stairs when Hyungsik noticed that there were two people standing outside of Seojoon’s building.

As they drew closer, he realised that they were locked in an embrace, kissing amorously.

It was Seojoon and Wooshik.

He stood frozen and watched with horror as Seojoon fumbled with the keypad, unlocking the door, before they both disappeared inside, still kissing and grasping at one another hungrily.

The door closed with a shriek, metal grinding against metal like nails on a chalkboard.

Hyungsik woke up in a cold sweat, momentarily confused and anguished.

He felt like he wanted to cry, the lingering memory of his vivid dream, refusing to leave him.

_Fuck me._

_Fuck._

_Fucking Wooshik._

He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

And then the tears finally came.

Frustration, anguish and fear came flooding out of him and he just buried his face in his pillow as he cried.

He couldn’t shake the image of them together.

It was too much for him to bear.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Hyungsik - dat dream!!
> 
> As always, I would love to hear what you think so far!
> 
> EDIT: so, I wrote this long before Jisoo admitted to the awful things that he did to his classmates when he was in school and I'm truly disgusted. After talking with someone on Twitter, they suggested swapping him out for Seo Kang-joon (the perfect solution - thank you!), so Jisoo has been removed from this fic now.
> 
> Next week: it's the Team Building Weekend... (OMG)


	6. Trust & Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of the Team Building weekend and Hyungsik has had *enough* of Wooshik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this chapter early, just 'cos, why not? ;)
> 
> I think I feel bad for leaving it hanging on such angst with the last chapter...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!

It was the last week of July and the week of the team building weekend.

Hyungsik, following his vivid dream, was no longer able to feign niceties with Wooshik, and had taken to offering him subtle insults and sarcastic comments, whenever he was in their office.

Seojoon seemed very much aware of the change, but didn’t say anything to him, nor did he try to apologise for him. He became frustratingly unreadable.

Hyungsik knew he was acting like a child, testing Seojoon’s patience and loyalty to him with every cutting comment that came from his mouth, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t sit idly by and watch as Wooshik stole him away.

He knew it was selfish and wrong but he couldn’t help himself.

He rationalised it based on one tiny, tentative thing: if Seojoon wanted him to stop, he would tell him.

It might shatter what was left of the relationship they had, but to Hyungsik, in the short-term, it was worth it.

During a rare, mid-week night out, Hyungsik had noticed that Seojoon had posted a picture of a sunset over the buildings of Itaewon. It was the view from the stairs outside of his apartment. 

He had tagged Wooshik in the photo, who had immediately replied to simply say: 

**_ws-2013: Beautiful!_ **

Hyungsik, drunk and seething with jealousy, replied to Seojoon’s post:

**_phs_huggsie: why did you tag that person?_ **

It had seemed like an outrageously appropriate thing to do at the time, but in the cold, hard light of Thursday morning, the first day of the team building weekend, Hyungsik was mortified.

He quickly deleted his comment, but accepted that it was very likely already seen by both Seojoon and Wooshik.

Feeling thoroughly hungover and dreading facing Seojoon, he packed his bag for the four day team building weekend, making sure to take a variety of clothing for all weather and activities.

As he packed, Hyungsik recalled the previous year’s team building weekend.

They had taken a coach to the coast, and Hyungsik and Seojoon had bickered the whole way there, Seojoon holding a grudge from the previous week when Hyungsik had made them miss a deadline and Siwon had given them both an informal warning, telling them to get their act together.

Seojoon had refused to share a room with him, just like the previous year, and Hyungsik ended up sharing with a very dull man from the marketing team, who seemed to talk about nothing but fishing, something Hyungsik had never actually done, nor did he wish to. 

But then he remembered that moment.

They had all been drinking at a bar overlooking the beach, and for once, Seojoon had remained sitting with him the entire night. He couldn’t recall seeing Wooshik, but for once he didn’t drag him away.

As everyone began turning in, Hyungsik who was extremely intoxicated, decided he didn’t  _ want  _ to go back to the hotel, he wanted to walk on the beach.

With little thought of a plan, he had started wandering towards the beach until his feet hit the sand and he removed his trainers.

He made a beeline towards the sea, feeling like the cold water on his hot feet was exactly what he needed on that extremely hot summer night.

As he approached the gently crashing waves and lapping water, his feet began sinking into the wet sand and he had felt himself losing his balance, falling towards the water.

He remembered the surprise and confusion he felt, when he perceived hands around his waist, preventing him from falling.

He remembered looking down at first, to see the hands pressed against his stomach, before turning around to see Seojoon, who quickly moved his hands to Hyungsik’s shoulders, keeping him upright.

Hyungsik knew he was drunk too and they had both laughed at Hyungsik’s stupidity of nearly falling into the sea, as they made their way back to their hotel, but looking back on it now, recalling Seojoon’s hands around him...

_ “I’ve liked you from the moment I met you” _

Hyungsik sighed to himself.

How many moments were there like that?

Things he couldn’t recall now because the moments seemed to mean nothing at the time, but what he would give to live them all over again, feeling as he does now.

_ How did it take me so long to realise? _

_ How could I be so blind? _

_ What does it matter now? _

_ It doesn’t fucking matter. _

_ *** _

When Hyungsik arrived outside the Pulse Games office building, there was already a large group of his work colleagues huddled beside the road, next to a large coach.

As he approached them, he could hear Siwon more-or-less boasting about a new car he had just bought and regalling them with a tale about the first time he tried to lower the sunroof, forgetting to remove some button fastenings, the sound of them popping off making him think he was being shot at.

Hyungsik waved to Bo-young, who was standing with Yoo-jin and had noticed him straightaway, dressed in a cute red dress and heels. She waved him over enthusiastically, so Hyungsik made his way over to her, his eyes scanning the crowd for Seojoon.

“Morning Hyungsik-ssi,” Bo-young beamed at him, “did you have a nice evening?”

Hyungsik smiled sweetly at her.

“I did thanks, Bo-young-ssi,” he lied, his head still thick from his hangover, “how about you? And you, seonbae?”

Bo-young nodded sweetly as Yoo-jin sighed and unleashed a long, angry rant about how she had spent the evening at her car dealership getting her seat fixed for the fourth time since she bought it and how rude the salesman had been to her about it.

As he listened to Yoo-jin’s tirade, he noticed Seojoon walking over to the group dressed in casual clothes: black converse, ripped black skinny jeans, a pale grey t-shirt and red-framed sunglasses.

_ Of  _ _ course _ _ he has to look like that. _

_ As if this isn’t torturous enough. _

Then, he noticed Wooshik walking beside him, looking very happy with himself.

_ Wait. _

_ Did they come here together? _

Seojoon spotted Hyungsik and walked over to him, moving his sunglasses to the top of his head so that they were nestled in his thick, swept-back hair.

_ God, he looks amazing. _

“Morning!” Wooshik greeted them, with a small wave.

“Morning you two!” Yoo-jin said with a big smile, “did you travel together?”

“Yeah, we live together now,” Wooshik quipped, and Hyungsik rolled his eyes, “no, I just saw him walking up from the subway.”

“Morning,” Seojoon said to Hyungsik, a small smile on his lips, his eyes intent on meeting his gaze.

Hyungsik felt suddenly bashful with everyone looking at them, so avoided his gaze and managed to mumble: “morning”.

“Looking forward to some team building?” Wooshik asked with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“I’m really looking forward to it,” Bo-young said earnestly, “at least we get two days off and hopefully the food will be good!”

“I really appreciate your priorities,” Hyungsik laughed, feeling grateful for her presence, her cute and cheerful nature, a genuine comfort to him with everything that was going on.

“As long as they don’t pair me with anyone from Marketing, I’ll be fine,” Yoo-jin scowled, curling her lip and looking in the general direction of the Marketing Team, “they’re such a bunch of dullards.”

“I shared a room with one of them last year,” Hyungsik said with a nod, “he just kept talking about fishing.”

“Where did we go last year?” Yoo-jin asked, pinching her chin and pouting.

“The coast,” Hyungsik replied, “do you remember? I nearly fell in the sea whilst drunk.”

Hyungsik met Seojoon’s gaze hoping to see recognition, but he narrowed his eyes at him.

“Huh,” Seojoon said, a smile spreading on his lips, “so you  _ do _ remember that?”

Hyungsik smirked and looked at his shoes.

_ Yes! _

_ Flirting! _

_ Very, very minor flirting! _

_ It’s been nearly a month since we had sex so I will TAKE THIS. _

Yoo-jin exchanged looks with Bo-young and Wooshik.

“I’m guessing it’s another one of their jokes that you had to be there for,” Wooshik said with a small laugh, but Hyungsik could tell he was annoyed.

_ Yeah, it fucking sucks doesn’t it, Wooshik? _

“Okay!” Jung-eum’s enthusiastic voice rang out, “I think we’re ready to get going! As you get on the coach can you please tick the sign in sheet by the door? Thanks everyone!”

The group began filing onto the coach, and Hyungsik watched as Wooshik positioned himself directly behind Seojoon.

_ I know what you’re doing, you grinning fuck. _

Sure enough, and exactly the way Hyungsik was anticipating it to happen, Seojoon sat down in a seat by the window and Wooshik sat himself down beside him.

Seojoon met Hyungsik’s eyes as he walked past them and he could see he looked sorry about the situation.

Hyungsik sat down in the seats behind them, Bo-young sitting down beside him with a smile.

“Mind if we be coach buddies?” she asked cheerfully.

“I would love to be your coach buddy!” Hyungsik replied, grinning at her and clutching his chest.

_ I have to try my best to get through this. _

_ I can do this. _

Then, he remembered Seojoon narrowing his eyes at him.

_ “So you do remember that?” _

_ Yes, yes I do. _

_ It’s a  _ _ new _ _ item, in the montage-of-Seojoon-torture, that plays on repeat in my brain. _

***

Roughly half an hour later, the coach pulled up outside the hotel, which was nestled amongst the trees half way up Mount Seorak.

It was a sweeping, modern structure and had the aesthetic of an ‘activity centre’, the vast majority of guests bustling around outside, dressed in athletic and sports wear.

As Hyungsik stepped off the coach, he was hit with the fresh air of the countryside, and he took a deep breath, appreciating the smell of the trees.

“It smells amazing out here!” Seojoon exclaimed, stretching his long arms above his head.

“I was just thinking that!” Hyungsik cried, almost forgetting himself and their situation.

“Great minds,” Seojoon smiled, his lips pressed together and his eyes narrowed.

“The minds of a pair of artistes,” Hyungsik replied in a mocking tone, smirking to himself.

Wooshik threw him a look that was probably as close to a scowl that he would allow himself in front of Seojoon, and Hyungsik looked back at him with an air of innocence, his eyebrows raised.

_ I’m sick of your shit, Wooshik from Diagnostics. _

_ This truly means war. _

_ I can’t win but I won’t let you win either. _

“Okay!” Jung-eum’s voice came from across the group, “Before we go into the hotel I just want to tell you the pairings for the weekend. These have been assigned for both room sharing and for the team building exercises! We’ve chosen these, either because they’ve never worked with one another before and could benefit from the networking, or pairings with an existing working relationship, that we feel could use some improvement!”

_ Oh. _

_ We’re not choosing this year? _

As Jung-eum read out the pairings, Hyungsik felt a mix of emotions and his mind raced with questions.

_ What if I’m paired with Seojoon? _

_ What if I’m  _ _ not _ _ paired with Seojoon? _

_ What if we’re paired together and it’s awkward and horrible and we end up having a huge fight? _

_ What if we share a room and we end up having sex? _

_ Fuck. _

_ I can’t trust myself. _

_ I don’t have any condoms. _

_ That’s a good thing. _

_ That’ll save me from myself. _

_ I should buy some condoms. _

“Park Seojoon and Park Hyungsik from Concept Design!” Jung-eum’s voice interrupted his frantic thoughts, “you’re in room 1116!”

Hyungsik widened his eyes and gaped at Seojoon, who looked a little shocked, his lips parted slightly and his eyebrows raised.

“It’s your birthday,” Seojoon said to Hyungsik.

“Huh?” Hyungsik replied, utterly confused.

_ Is he flirting again? _

_ He doesn’t  _ _ look _ _ like he’s flirting. _

“The room number,” Seojoon added, “1116. November sixteenth.”

_ That’s… _

_ Adorable. _

Jung-eum approached them as everyone began filing into the hotel.

“I hope this is okay guys,” she said with a grimace, “I know the air’s been a little clearer between you lately but you can’t deny that you’re not the same. I’m worried about you both, and I really think this will do you the world of good.”

Hyungsik watched as Wooshik walked backwards towards the hotel, his eyes on Seojoon.

Seojoon cleared his throat and nodded.

“We’ll work on it, seonbae,” he told her, before she smiled and turned on her heels, striding towards the hotel.

“So…” Seojoon began, “this is okay, right?”

_ Aside from the fact that I can’t control myself, yeah sure. _

_ Just don’t touch me or come near me. _

_ But also: please fucking touch me. _

“It’s fine,” Hyungsik laughed, “we’ll be doing dumb trust exercises and obstacle courses most of the time probably anyway.”

Seojoon regarded him for a moment before nodding with a small smile.

“Shall we?” he asked, gesturing towards the hotel.

They walked into the lobby and Seojoon approached the reception desk.

“Oh, hi, um we’re with Pulse Games. We’re staying in Room 1116.”

_ Aka my birthday room. _

_ There should be presents in my birthday room. _

_ I should give myself a present. _

When the receptionist returned with the key card, Hyungsik leaned over the desk.

“Um, hi, can you tell me if you have a shop on the grounds? Like a pharmacy or…?”

Seojoon frowned at him.

“We have a small market to the left of the entrance,” the receptionist replied politely, “what were you looking to buy?”

“Plasters,” Hyungsik lied quickly, feeling Seojoon’s sceptical and confused gaze on him.

“The market has plasters,” she nodded.

“Okay, thanks,” Hyungsik grinned at her, as they walked away from the desk.

“I’ll see you up there,” Hyungsik said to Seojoon.

“Hyungsik,” Seojoon called to him before he could leave, “are you  _ really  _ buying plasters? What  _ for _ ?”

“You know how clumsy I can be,” Hyungsik lied, thinking on his feet, “I really don’t trust myself not to get hurt doing all these sporty things.”

Seojoon turned his head away from him and narrowed his eyes in an expression that said:  _ that’s bullshit and I don’t believe you _ .

“I’ll see you up there,” Hyungsik said again, impatience in his voice.

“Okay!” Seojoon replied, holding his hands up defensively, “I’ll see you up there.”

***

As Hyungsik knocked on the door of room 1116, he felt a pang of guilt and shame for buying condoms.

He knew that he couldn’t let anything happen between them, especially not at a work team building weekend.

He tried to remind himself of the reasons he couldn’t have Seojoon.

They could be fired.

They could be outed.

They might struggle to find jobs again.

_ “If they find out about us at work, the way I feel right now, I don’t fucking care, they can sack me! I don’t give a shit!” _

_ Fuck, he’s amazing. _

The door of his hotel room opened and there stood Mr. Fucking Amazing.

“Did you get your plasters?” Seojoon asked, eyebrows raised and a small smirk on his lips, as he held the door open for him.

_ Fuck, I forgot to buy plasters. _

“Yep, thanks,” Hyungsik said, avoiding his gaze and walking into the room.

“I don’t have a preference for which bed to take, so I thought I’d let you decide,” Seojoon explained, pointing at the two single beds in the room.

Hyungsik inspected the room.

It looked clean, the sheets white and crisp looking.

One of the beds was pressed up against the bathroom wall, the other stood separated by a bedside table, another table the other side of it.

Opposite the beds was a small dressing table and unit on which a large TV sat.

“I feel like…” Hyungsik started, weighing up his options, “this one should be mine.”

He placed his hands on the bed closest to the bathroom.

“I  _ knew  _ you’d have an opinion on it,” Seojoon smirked, “dare I ask why?”

“No, you dare not,” Hyungsik replied with mock-regality.

_ It’s because I don’t want you to hear me using the bathroom, you sexy fool. _

_ I’m a mastermind when it comes to these things. _

_ You know nothing. _

_ I’m having far too much fun already. _

_ Calm down, Hyungsik. _

“Okay, well, the first exercise starts in ten minutes and I need coffee,” Seojoon announced, dropping his bag down on the bed that had been designated his by process of elimination, “coming?”

***

Fifteen minutes later, they walked into the large conference centre of the hotel, coffees in hand and Hyungsik immediately spotted Wooshik walking over to them.

“Fuck’s sake,” Hyungsik said out loud before he could stop himself.

Seojoon looked momentarily confused, before noticing Wooshik approaching and then raising an eyebrow at Hyungsik.

Hyungsik avoided his gaze, instead fixing his eyes on Wooshik and scowling.

“Looks like you guys have got the right idea,” he said cheerfully, “I could really do with some caffeine right now.”

“We bought them from outside,” Seojoon replied to him, gesturing towards the door of the conference centre.

“Yeah, why don’t you go and buy one for yourself,” Hyungsik suggested, in a faux-polite voice, a saccharine smile on his face.

Wooshik laughed in a manner that said: _ okay, we’re not playing nice anymore, are we? _

“I might just do that,” he said, staring at Hyungsik, before striding towards the doors.

Seojoon met Hyungsik’s gaze as he sipped his coffee and Hyungsik raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes in faux-innocence.

“So, I feel like,” Seojoon started, sipping his own coffee, “you don’t like Wooshik much.”

Hyungsik swallowed his coffee and tilted his head at Seojoon.

“Wow, you’re good,” he said sarcastically, “have you considered a career in law enforcement.”

Seojoon pressed his lips together, suppressing a smile.

“ _ Why _ , though?” Seojoon asked.

Hyungsik scoffed and folded his arms.

“You know, I always thought you were super-smart,” Hyungsik started, his eyes narrowed at Seojoon, “do you really not know? You can’t  _ possibly  _ figure out why I might have a problem with the guy who-”

“Right everyone!” Jung-eum’s voice came booming from the speakers in the corners of the room, interrupting Hyungsik’s speech, “thanks for getting down here on time! It’s time for our first exercise!”

The muttering around the room died down and everyone turned their attention to Jung-eum who was standing at the front of the conference centre, a microphone in her hand.

“We’re going to start with a nice easy one before we break for lunch. You may have done this one before. Siwon-ssi is coming around with some newspaper and tape for you all. The object is: in your pairings, build a table which can hold the weight of this book!” Jung-eum held a large book above her head, “you have forty five minutes!”

Seojoon turned to Hyungsik again.

“You were saying?” he said, eyebrows raised and lips parted.

“Let’s just build this stupid table,” Hyungsik said with a pout, kicking one of his legs out in front of him, scuffing the carpet.

“The guy who what, Hyungsik?” Seojoon asked him, trying to meet his evasive gaze, “what did he do?”

“Oh, another domestic?” Siwon quipped from behind him, holding out some newspapers and tape, “you know Jung-eum won’t settle for anything less than a proposal this time? She’s really determined. Me, I couldn’t care less, as long as you  _ submit your work on time _ .”

He emphasised the last point through gritted teeth, waving the newspapers and tape at them, seemingly urging someone to take them from him.

Hyungsik reached out and grabbed the materials, with a nervous laugh.

“Thanks, seonbae,” he said, as Siwon turned and walked to the next pairing.

Hyungsik walked away from Seojoon, finding an empty table and sitting down.

Seojoon sat down opposite him and locked eyes with him.

“Say what you were gonna say,” he urged him, a determined look on his face.

“This isn’t the place, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Hyungsik grumbled, “so how should we do this? I feel like we need to make legs by rolling the paper into tubes?”

“You know there’s nothing going on between us right?” Seojoon asked, leaning across the table and lowering his voice, “because if that’s what’s been bothering you, I’m sorry.”

Hyungsik met his eyes.

“Nothing?” 

“Nothing.”

_ OhmyfuckinggodthankfuckfuckFUCK. _

_ FUCK YOU, WOOSHIK. _

Hyungsik looked away and tried to suppress a smile.

He felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” Seojoon said, his voice soft.

“Because!” Hyungsik started, his voice more whiny than he intended, before lowering it, “Tae told me not to.”

Seojoon laughed. It was a big, hearty guffaw.

Hyungsik laughed with him and they shared a warm so smile.

Seojoon exhaled, looking around the room with a smirk.

“So, this table then?”

“Yeah, this table,” Hyungsik nodded, pretending to be taking it really seriously, “I really think we need to sketch it out first. Design it, y’know?”

“We are  _ artiste’s  _ after all,” Seojoon replied, narrowing his eyes and offering a flourish of his hand under his chin.

Hyungsik let out another laugh before composing himself.

“Yep, yep,” he managed, “let’s sketch this thing.”

It took them less than ten minutes to come up with their design, passing their sketch back and forth and making adjustments, Hyungsik watching Seojoon carefully as he worked, admiring his hair and his hands while he wasn’t looking.

They began building the components first, making twenty four tubes to make up their cube, which included the supporting structure and load-bearing cross bars.

Hyungsik suggested they wrap them entirely in tape in the hope that it would make them stronger so they worked quickly to get everything ready before putting it all together.

“This is gonna be hard,” Hyungsik said with a pout, “shall we make it on the floor?”

Seojoon looked from the components on the table to the floor.

“Yeah, good idea,” he agreed, “if you try to hold the pieces in place as we go, I’ll be on tape-duty.”

Hyungsik nodded, grabbing as many paper-tubes as he could carry in his arms and tossing them onto the floor.

Seojoon pushed the last of the tubes onto the floor and he crouched down on his knees.

Hyungsik followed him, hunching over the pile and began organising the components.

“Shall we do the base first?” he asked Seojoon.

“I mean, every side is the same, so...” Seojoon smirked.

Hyungsik rolled his eyes at him.

“Okay fine,” Hyungsik replied, “four sides and a cross bar. Is that specific enough for you?”

Seojoon laughed at him.

They began building the table, Hyungsik holding each component in place as Seojoon wrapped tape around the joins.

It was relatively straight forward at first, but as the structure grew, there became less space to work and they found themselves getting in each other’s way until they ended up laughing, heads pressed together, determined to finish it.

Seojoon managed to tape both his and Hyungsik’s hands into one of the joins and they both fell into a fit of hysterics, tethered by a cuboid shackle of their own making.

Hyungsik had almost forgotten that they were meant to be at work.

Aside from the fact that he wouldn’t choose to spend his time building a table with nothing but newspaper and tape, he really was having too much fun.

He loved to see him laugh.

Especially when it was just them.

“And… that is time!” Jung-eum called into the microphone, “that’s it everybody! If you didn’t quite make it, don’t worry, let’s all look at where we could’ve gone wrong and how we can improve. This was all about teamwork!”

Seojoon tossed their cuboid table into the air before catching it again, looking pleased with himself.

The end result was a shockingly neat, perfect cube with crosses on each side to keep it strong. The whole thing was covered in an entire roll of tape and part of a second one, so the thing was at least seventy percent plastic.

“Ours is definitely the best,” Hyungsik said to him, looking around at the competition.

“It’s all in the teamwork,” Seojoon smiled.

Hyungsik smirked and continued looking around the room.

His gaze fell on a pair of eyes looking back at him.

_ Oh, hi, Wooshik. _

_ How is it, looking in from  _ _ outside of the feast _ _? _

_ He’s mine. _

_ I can’t have him, but no one else can either. _

_ Yes, I  _ _ will _ _ be that selfish. _

_ Besides, if he had wanted you, it would’ve happened already. _

_ But he  _ _ doesn’t _ _ want you. _

_ He wants me. _

_ I know he does. _

“Hyungsik,” Seojoon said with a whisper, nudging him.

“Hm?” Hyungsik said, turning to look at Seojoon questioningly.

“It’s our turn,” Seojoon gestured to the front of the room, and Hyungsik realised that it wasn’t just Wooshik looking at him - the entire room was.

Hyungsik laughed nervously, turning on his most charming smile as he nodded his apologies around the room.

Seojoon led them both to the front of the room and placed their cube down on the table in front of Jung-eum, with all the pride of a new father.

“Wow!” Jung-eum exclaimed, “this is amazing! You guys have done a  _ fantastic  _ job! It’s because they’re designers, see. Did you sketch it first too?”

They both nodded proudly.

“So, let’s see if it will hold the weight of the book!” she exclaimed, with all the air of a gameshow host, before tentatively placing the book on top of the cube.

It held in place, standing strong.

“Wow! Look at that!” she cried excitedly, “I think this could hold  _ two  _ books! This is  _ incredible  _ teamwork, you guys!”

_ Yeah, it’s amazing what releasing two years of pent-up sexual tension can do for a working relationship. _

_ In the office, no less. _

_ It’s currently standing at only one month, so it’s still a vast improvement. _

_ Maybe I should lead these team building things. _

_ Lesson one: if you like them, fuck them. _

“I don’t think it’s too early for me to say that we might have a winner here?” Jung-eum asked, her eyes scanning around the room, “does anyone think their table beats this one?”

There was a low murmur around the room as teams exchanged comments about their work but no one spoke up to challenge the dominion of their table. 

“I think that’s it! We’ll still go around and look at each team’s work, but well done guys,” Jung-eum exclaimed, “you’re the winners for this challenge!”

They both beamed as everyone clapped, and Seojoon grabbed Hyungsik’s hand and held it above their heads, taking a low bow like an actor at the end of a stage play.

Hyungsik lost all composure and doubled up in a fit of hysterics, covering his mouth with his free hand.

“Attention whores!” Siwon called, “boo! Get off the stage!”

Seojoon started laughing too then, and he released Hyungsik’s hand before grabbing their cube and walking back to where they were standing amongst the crowd, Hyungsik following close behind.

As they watched everyone’s tables being tested, Jung-eum calling out suggestions for where they went wrong and encouraging audience participation like it was a pantomime, Hyungsik and Seojoon stood beside one another, leaning close so that their heads were almost touching.

Hyungsik couldn’t help but feel like this weekend had different rules.

Yes, it was a work thing.

Yes, they had to do awful, embarrassing, pointless tasks.

But he was with Seojoon and they made each other laugh.

He knew, with absolute certainty, that Seojoon felt the same.

This weekend was different.

***

When the group stopped for lunch, Jung-eum directed them to the picnic tables outside, positioned to the right of the entrance and overlooking a vista looking over the valley below.

There was a large spread of food, to which they could help themselves to and Hyungsik, feeling the happiest he had felt in weeks, piled his plate high with an inordinate amount of food, which made Seojoon sputter with laughter.

“Are you really gonna eat all that?” Seojoon asked him, his eyes narrowing in suspicion as they made their way to a free picnic bench.

“Watch me,” Hyungsik said, focusing his attention on the plate to be sure he didn’t lose anything to gravity.

“I intend to,” Seojoon said with a small laugh, “how about a wager? Thirty thousand won says you can’t eat all that.”

“Can I get in on that?” Wooshik’s voice came from behind them.

Seojoon glanced at Hyungsik who just rolled his eyes.

“I was just kidding,” Seojoon laughed, turning to face Wooshik, “if he really  _ does  _ eat all of that, he won’t be able to move this afternoon.”

“ _ I’m _ not kidding,” Wooshik said with a smirk, “how about it Hyungsik-ssi? Shall we call it fifty thousand?”

As they all sat down at a picnic bench, Wooshik sitting opposite them, Hyungsik placed his plate down carefully onto the table and looked at Wooshik, his eyes narrowed with loathing.

“Fine. You’re on,” Hyungsik said with a curt nod.

“I really don’t think-” Seojoon started to say, before Hyungsik raised a hand to his face, tapping his chopsticks down on his tray to level them, and then taking his first huge mouthful of food, his eyes locked on Wooshik’s.

“This is insane,” Seojoon said quietly to himself, with a shake of his head, before starting to eat his own normal, human-sized portion of food.

It wasn’t until roughly half-way through the pile of food, that Hyungsik started to feel full, but he powered through anyway, switching to vegetables for a while in an effort to keep things light before diving back into the carbs and protein.

It had become incredibly important to him that he win this bet against Wooshik, despite the fact that he had no idea how this matter came to be reduced to a one-man eating contest.

He could see out of the corner of his eye, that Seojoon was watching him with increasing disbelief, as he neared the bottom of the pile.

_ I’m really not sure how this helps me. _

_ I mean, I probably don’t look especially sexy right now. _

_ Unless Seojoon’s a secret feeder. _

_ I feel sick. _

_ I hate that grinning asshole though. _

_ I can’t let him win. _

_ I’ll pay for a stomach pump with the prize money. _

“Money please!” Hyungsik cried, as he popped the final bite of meat into his mouth, holding out his palm to Wooshik.

Wooshik stared at him in disbelief, his mouth agape.

“Hyungsik...ssi,” Seojoon started, wearing an expression which was half-amusement, half-concern, “you must feel like puking right now?”

Hyungsik turned to shake his head at him, his cheeks full of food and still chewing.

He rested a hand on Seojoon’s shoulder and offered him a thumbs up with a big, cheeks-full grin, which caused Seojoon to guffaw.

This, in turn, made Hyungsik laugh so he had to place a hand over his mouth to stop food from spilling out, and he writhed on the bench to contain the laugh inside.

Seojoon guffawed even more, doubling over and clutching his stomach, tears forming in his eyes.

_ I’m totally gonna be sick. _

_ This is the dumbest and funniest thing I’ve ever done. _

_ It made him laugh. _

_ I’m so happy. _

***

Hyungsik felt like he was going to explode as they all traipsed to the area in which that afternoon’s torture would take place.

Jung-eum directed them to a large, wide patch of grass to the rear of the activity centre and hotel, which was surrounded by the trees, and slightly sheltered from the hot July sun.

Set out on the grass, was an army of small, coloured plastic cones, several pop-up fabric tunnels and some training hurdles.

Hyungsik just knew that this was going to be something physical.

He felt his stomach churning.

“So!” Jung-eum cried with a clap, “this afternoon’s exercise is a test of trust and communication!”

There was a murmur amongst the group, some even laughing and crying out in protest.

“In your pairings, you’re going to decide who will be blindfolded and directed through an obstacle course and who will be doing the directing!”

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon.

“Okay, so,” Seojoon started, pressing his palms together and holding them in front of his face, “how much are you regretting eating all of that food right now? Out of ten?”

Hyungsik looked up at the sky, suppressing a smile.

“Hmm… eight?” Hyungsik replied.

“Only eight?” Seojoon raised his eyebrows, “wow. Then I guess you’d be fine running the obstacle course?”

“I could probably still do it,” Hyungsik nodded, smirking at him.

“You just don’t know when to quit do you?” Seojoon laughed, “what are you even trying to prove at this point?”

“I don’t know,” Hyungsik admitted, before breaking into a laugh.

Seojoon shook his head, laughing.

“You can blindfold me,” he said with a smile, a look in his eye that made Hyungsik bite his lip involuntarily.

_ Oh, fucking hell. _

_ Yes please. _

_ God, he’s so fucking hot. _

_ I’m really hot. _

_ I feel sick. _

_ I ate too much. _

“You haven’t killed one another yet then?” Siwon asked rhetorically with a big grin, as he approached them, a box in his arms and waving a black cotton blindfold, “who’s getting this?”

“That would be me,” Seojoon replied, holding his hand out for the blindfold.

“I’m surprised!” Siwon exclaimed, his mouth opening to comedic proportions, “ _ you’re _ putting your trust in  _ him _ ?”

“I resent that,” Hyungsik cried, scowling at Siwon, “I’m very trustworthy!”

“Ah, but are you good with _ instructions and communicating clearly _ ?” Siwon asked with a wag of his index finger, “if your presentations are anything to go on, I’m betting not so much.”

Hyungsik opened his mouth to argue with him but he found himself at a loss for a retort.

_ He’s probably right. _

“Hyungsik-ssi knows how my brain works,” Seojoon said to Siwon, “that’s half the battle in communicating with  _ me _ , at least.”

_ Aww. _

“It’s your funeral!” Siwon cried with a dismissive wave of his hand, before walking away from them.

Hyungsik turned to Seojoon with a look of anguish.

“Thanks for defending me, but I really think we should switch,” Hyungsik said almost pleadingly, “I’ll only mess it up. Siwon-ssi’s right.”

“You’ll be fine,” Seojoon assured him, “and besides, do you really want to do an obstacle course blindfolded, with half of the produce of Korea in your stomach?”

Hyungsik slumped forward and pouted.

Seojoon started putting the blindfold on and Hyungsik laughed as he saw how lopsided it was.

He reached for it without thinking, straightening it across his face, his fingers lightly brushing his hair.

Hyungsik felt his heart beat faster, especially when Seojoon’s fingers lightly touched Hyungsik’s hand before he lowered his arms.

Hyungsik eased his fingertips into his hair, taking advantage of the situation.

Seojoon’s lips parted slightly and Hyungsik drank in the sight of him in close proximity again.

He wanted to touch his face.

To sweep his index finger across his lips.

To tease him with his tongue.

“So!” Jung-eum called out, making Seojoon and Hyungsik jump, Hyungsik pulling his hands away from Seojoon’s head and Seojoon nearly losing his balance, until Hyungsik steadied him.

“One of you should be blindfolded by now, if you’re not, put your blindfolds on now!” Jung-eum instructed them, “we’ll go in alphabetical order, starting with: Choi!”

“That’s Wooshik,” Seojoon said quietly, waving a hand to Hyungsik, who smirked to himself before leaning towards him, Seojoon’s hand making contact with his arm, “is he blindfolded or giving the instructions?”

Hyungsik watched as Wooshik was led, blindfolded to the start of the obstacle course, by a middle aged woman from Human Resources.

“Blindfolded,” Hyungsik replied with a smug smile.

“Describe it to me,” Seojoon grinned, “this’ll be good practice of your communication skills.”

“Okay, so, Wooshik is being led through a maze of cones and has so far knocked over two, which I hate to say, is actually quite impressive,” Hyungsik said with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Are they being timed?” Seojoon asked.

Hyungsik looked at Jung-eum and Siwon, noticing a stopwatch in Siwon’s hands.

“Yes,” Hyungsik confirmed.

“Okay, so what now?” Seojoon pressed.

“Wooshik has just started crawling towards the first tunnel, and has completely  _ missed  _ the tunnel and is now crawling  _ past  _ the tunnel...” Hyungsik started cackling and Seojoon guffawed beside him.

“Now, he’s trying to lift his little legs over a hurdle, and he’s knocked it over,” Hyungsik said with another cackle.

Seojoon waved a hand in front of his face and Hyungsik noticed a fly bothering him, so he swatted it away defensively, before turning back to the entertainment.

“He’s made it over two hurdles now,” Hyungsik continued, “and as the last task, he’s crawling through a tunnel, actually inside it this time, and that’s it! They’re done!” 

Hyungsik clapped with everyone else, and watched with amusement as Seojoon joined in with a blank expression on his face.

_ I like him like this. _

_ He’s entirely mine. _

“Okay so, I’m guessing they’ll use time as a tie breaker, “Seojoon said, leaning close to Hyungsik, “so take your time giving me clear instructions and tell me to stop if I’m about to fuck up, like crawl past a tunnel or something, but we should try to be as quick as we can. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Hyungsik replied, laughing silently at his serious expression.

“It’s really hot under this thing,” Seojoon grumbled.

Hyungsik began wafting his hand by Seojoon’s face, who smirked to himself, when he felt the tiny breeze.

When it was time for their turn, Hyungsik led Seojoon by his shoulders towards the cones, fighting the urge not to laugh at the sight of him struggling to even walk properly on the slightly uneven ground.

When Seojoon was positioned at the start of the obstacle course, poised ready to fight for the win, Hyungsik nodded to Jung-eum to let her know that they were ready.

“Okay!” Jung-eum cried, “time starts: now!”

“Walk forward the distance to my desk,” Hyungsik instructed him.

Seojoon hesitated, before smiling to himself and walking forward.

“Stop!” Hyungsik cried out, lightly touching Seojoon’s arm out of instinct.

“You can’t touch him!” Jung-eum chastised Hyungsik.

_ Story of my life. _

“Okay, now turn forty-five degrees to your left,” Hyungsik added, quickly, watching as Seojoon turned, “and step forward slowly, two steps.”

Seojoon obeyed, stopping just short of a blue cone.

“Now, turn forty-five degrees to your right,” Hyungsik watched him turning, waiting for him to get into position, “and walk forward until I say stop.”

Hyungsik waited for him to be a step short of the red cone ahead of him, then called out: “stop!”

“Last bit! Turn forty-five degrees to your left,” Hyungsik laughed as Seojoon nearly tripped over his own feet, before steadying himself, “now step forward and stop!”

Seojoon bumped into a yellow cone with the toe of his converse sending it skipping into the other cones with a clatter.

“Sorry!” Seojoon cried out.

Hyungsik laughed.

“It’s okay! Now forty-five degrees to your right and then walk towards my voice.”

Seojoon obeyed.

They completed the obstacle course almost perfectly, the yellow cone being their only mistake.

Hyungsik found the sight of Seojoon crawling on all fours through a brightly coloured tunnel and raising his long legs awkwardly up over the hurdles, straddling them with a guffaw, trying not to touch them or fall over, almost too much to bear but managed to hold it together to give him the directions he needed.

When Seojoon removed the blindfold, Hyungsik collapsed onto the grass in hysterics as everyone around them clapped and cheered.

Seojoon crouched down beside him, beads of sweat on his forehead and breathing heavily.

“Something funny?” he asked, in faux-indignance.

Hyungsik sat up and tried his best to recover.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Seojoon asked him with wide eyes and a laugh, looking like he wanted to retaliate somehow, “after I did you a favour too. Maybe I should’ve let  _ you  _ do the obstacle course and then laughed as  _ you  _ fell over and possibly even puked.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyungsik pouted at him, before a thin smile spread across his face again and he sputtered, “that was so fucking funny though.”

“You’re an asshole,” Seojoon smiled at him, shaking his head.

Hyungsik didn’t care when they finished in second place.

They had won, as far as he was concerned.

It had been the  _ best  _ day.

***

It was just before ten when Seojoon and Hyungsik returned to their hotel room.

They had all eaten dinner in the hotel’s restaurant and then gathered in the bar for drinks, listening to Siwon talk about his car and tell wildly inappropriate jokes.

Seojoon had remained by Hyungsik’s side and they both avoided alcohol, Seojoon ordering coffee followed by a string of cokes, Hyungsik sticking to tea.

Wooshik had joined them at their table, which came as little surprise to Hyungsik, but Hyungsik was secretly smug about the fact that he knew nothing was going on between them, at least as far as Seojoon was concerned.

He made a mental note to himself to ask Seojoon how Wooshik came to know about the easel in his fridge, that little detail bothering him more than anything else, as to Hyungsik: it was information that belonged to him only.

Hyungsik felt like he could ask Seojoon about it, because this weekend was special.

It was an exception to the rules.

They had walked to their room in silence, and Hyungsik could feel awkward tension building between them again, as the reality of them being alone in a hotel room for the night, loomed over them.

Once inside, Hyungsik dropped himself down onto the end of his bed, and Seojoon began busying himself with his bag.

“Do you mind if I take shower?” Seojoon asked him, the subtly-tense expression that he had worn for the last five weeks, back on his face.

“No, go ahead,” Hyungsik smiled, waving at the bathroom.

When Seojoon disappeared into the bathroom, Hyungsik fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes.

_ Shit. _

_ I need to get sex off of my mind. _

_ The TV. _

He sat up on the bed and looked for the remote, spotting it on the dressing table. 

Leaning forward, he grabbed it and turned on the TV, before sitting back on his bed, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them.

Fifteen minutes passed by and he was partially absorbed in a trashy drama when Seojoon came out of the bathroom, his hair wet and smelling of coconut and coffee.

_ Fuck _ .

_ That’s just unfair. _

_ That smell. _

_ My response is Pavlovian. _

“I might have a shower too, if that’s cool?” Hyungsik asked, looking anywhere but at Seojoon.

“Go for it,” Seojoon replied, sitting down on his bed and arranging the pillows behind him.

  
  


Hyungsik took a shower, thinking of Seojoon, in the hopes that it might save him from himself, and afterwards felt inexplicably embarrassed by the knowledge that he had done that with Seojoon in the room beside him.

_ It’s not like he’ll know. _

_ He probably did too. _

_ I wonder if he did? _

_ He’s fucking crazy if he didn’t. _

_ Unless… _

_ Unless, he intended to have sex. _

Nervous and excited, Hyungsik left the bathroom and returned to their room to find Seojoon asleep, the TV still on.

He was still sitting exactly where Hyungsik had left him, on top of the covers and propped up his pillows, but his head was resting against the headboard, his eyes shut and lips parted.

Hyungsik crept over to his bed and looked at him.

_ He’s perfect. _

_ He smells amazing. _

_ Why is he asleep right now?! _

_ He’s gonna get a bad neck sleeping like that. _

Hyungsik sat down on the bed beside him and reached out to his arm, shaking him gently.

“Hyung,” Hyungsik whispered, “wake up, you’re gonna get a bad neck.”

Seojoon’s eyelashes fluttered and he opened his eyes, squinting.

“Did you just call me ‘hyung’?” he asked, his voice croaky.

Hyungsik laughed, “I guess I did. Would you rather I called you ‘oppa’?”

Seojoon reached out to Hyungsik’s hand, his expression serious, and Hyungsik felt his heartbeat quicken.

“I had fun today,” Seojoon said, sadness in his eyes again, and clutching Hyungsik’s hand.

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon’s hands, as he stroked Hyungsik’s hand with his thumbs.

“Me too,” Hyungsik said wistfully.

Seojoon began shuffling away from him, still clutching Hyungsik’s hand, and moved the pillows and sheets with one of his hands, gesturing beside him for Hyungsik to lie down.

Hyungsik met his gaze and Seojoon looked at him almost pleadingly.

_ Right, I ended this. _

_ This is as much as he dares to ask me for. _

_ “I promise to try my best too” _

_ I need to be an adult. _

_ We’ll both get hurt all over again. _

Hyungsik lowered himself onto the bed, lying on his side with his back to Seojoon, and raised his legs onto the bed, still clutching Seojoon’s hand.

Seojoon moved closer to him, leaving a narrow gap between them, apart from his face, which he moved close to the back of Hyungsik’s neck and Hyungsik could feel his breath.

Hyungsik squeezed his hand and adjusted how he was holding it, interlocking his fingers between Seojoon’s.

He closed his eyes.

_ God, I love you. _

_ I love you so much. _

_ I want you. _

_ This is torture. _

***


	7. Code Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungsik and Seojoon continue to get closer again as the Team Building weekend goes on, but can they control themselves and their feelings?
> 
> (Warning: one of the characters discusses grief - the loss of a parent, parental homophobia and estrangement as well as internalised homophobia in this chapter.)

Hyungsik was dreaming about Seojoon, their bodies pressed together, tongues in each other’s mouths and moments away from having sex, when he woke suddenly.

Momentarily confused by the sight of the hotel room before him, he started to remember where he was and it was then that he realised Seojoon was wrapped around him.

Seojoon had somehow managed to get  _ both  _ of his arms around Hyungsik, clutching him tightly as though he might drift away if he didn’t, his face buried in the back of Hyungsik’s hair and one of his legs over Hyungsik’s.

Hyungsik could feel Seojoon’s body pressed up against his back - and his butt - and he could feel that he wasn’t the  _ only  _ one with sex on his mind.

Seojoon moved in his sleep, rolling his hips slightly, his lips brushing against Hyungsik’s neck as he adjusted his sleeping position.

_ Come on! _

_ What the fuck?! _

_ What am I meant to do about this?! _

It was as Hyungsik was deliberating whether to throw caution to the wind and just let it happen, that both of their alarms went off, with loud shrills.

“Nnnaahhh,” Seojoon groaned, squirming on the bed and seemingly involuntarily squeezing Hyungsik, before he stopped moving suddenly and Hyungsik could feel him sit up, peering over Hyungsik’s shoulder.

Hyungsik considered pretending to be asleep to avoid the situation but left it too late, Seojoon meeting his eyes,

Seojoon cleared his throat and began releasing Hyungsik, shifting backwards on the bed, and Hyungsik rolled over to face him, both of their alarms still screaming at them until they finally fell silent.

“So, I-” Hyungsik began.

“Sorry,” Seojoon said at the same time.

_ Don’t be sorry! _

_ I want you all over me. _

_ If I had my way, we would do nothing but that, sleep, eat and fuck and then repeat until I’m old and die happy. _

Hyungsik smiled at him before pressing his face into one of the pillows.

“You weren’t the only one with a situation,” he laughed into the pillow.

“I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that,” Seojoon replied, sounding like he was closer to the former, “this is really hard.”

There was a brief pause as both of them absorbed Seojoon’s unintentional pun and then they both fell into a fit of hysterics.

Seojoon sat up in the bed and ruffled his hair with embarrassment, still laughing.

“Am I human to you yet?” he laughed, “I’m such an idiot.”

Hyungsik sat up too and looked at him, his hair an absolute mess and a coy smile on his lips.

“Does it break the rules if I tell you I want you right now,” Hyungsik asked, before he could control the words falling out of his mouth.

Seojoon looked at him, momentarily stunned.

“There aren’t any rules,” he said finally, “or there doesn’t have to be.”

_ Oh god. _

_ This is dangerous territory. _

_ Hyungsik, you fucking stupid fucking… _

“Sorry,” Seojoon added, looking away from him, “I’m trying my best but… I want you too. I think you probably know that by now. I know there has to be rules.”

Hyungsik reached out for his hand, feeling desperate to find some kind of middle ground.

“What if,” he said to Seojoon imploringly, “for this weekend, we can be honest with one another and talk about  _ anything,  _ ask each other anything, say whatever thoughts pop into our heads. It can be like, we’re dating, this weekend is a really long date but… without the other stuff, obviously.”

“Hyungsik-” Seojoon said, an apologetic look on his face as though he thought it was a bad idea.

“Seojoon, I can’t… I can’t act like I don’t feel all this stuff for you,” Hyungsik said, hearing his voice breaking, “and everyday, it just gets more intense, I thought it would fade away but it hasn’t...”

“Hyungsik,” Seojoon said again, moving close to him on the bed and resting a hand on his leg, “I feel the same way, but what about next week, and the week after that? If we allow ourselves to get closer, how do you think it’ll feel when things go back to normal?”

“That’s next week’s problem,” Hyungsik countered, “I don’t give a fuck about next week. I’m here with you now and I want to enjoy it. Like we did yesterday.”

Seojoon held his gaze and he seemed deep in thought for several minutes.

Suddenly, he dropped his head and ruffled his hair again with both of his hands, grasping at his hair in frustration.

“You’re… you’re my fucking weakness,” he said quietly to himself, “I know this is a bad idea but… I think I’m incapable of saying no to you.”

“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m a selfish narcissist, so that just makes me really happy to hear,” Hyungsik told him honestly and Seojoon let out a guffaw.

Seojoon looked up at him looking a little dazed, a smile still on his lips.

“God, I want to kiss you right now,” he said, a hungry look in his eyes.

Hyungsik felt a little surprised, unprepared for his own knee-jerk impulse to grab him and could feel his pulse quicken.

“Too honest?” Seojoon asked.

Hyungsik swallowed and managed to reply, “nope.”

_ Fuck, why did I suggest this? _

_ How will this help, again? _

_ It’s one thing for me to say what  _ _ I’m _ _ thinking, that’s therapeutic for me, but to deal with the reality of what  _ _ he’s _ _ thinking?! _

Seojoon sighed and leaned over to where his phone was resting on his bedside table.

“Shit,” he said, “we should get dressed and go. We have to eat something before we have to meet everyone in forty minutes.”

Remembering where he was and why they were there, Hyungsik suddenly panicked and leaped off of the bed.

They quickly freshened up and dressed, remembering Jung-eum’s instructions from the previous evening, to dress for hiking that day.

Hyungsik pulled on his black skinny jeans and chose a shirt with hearts all over it, hoping it would say everything he couldn’t to Seojoon.

He grabbed his sunglasses, dabbed sun lotion onto his face and arms and then pulled his boots on, lacing them up tightly.

When he was ready, he looked at Seojoon, who was dressed in a similar fashion: skinny black jeans with holes at the knees, big boots, red-framed sunglasses nestled in his thick, swept back hair and a white slogan t-shirt, which to Hyungsik’s great amusement read:  _ LOVED _ , in small red lettering across his chest.

Hyungsik fought the impulse to walk over to him, to pull him close and tease him for the shirt, picturing himself tugging at it playfully.

“Aish,” Seojoon laughed, his eyes falling on Hyungsik’s shirt.

Hyungsik suppressed a smile and started to make for the door of their hotel room.

***

It was after they had quickly eaten breakfast together and Hyungsik was in a queue for coffee, that he heard two women talking about them, from somewhere further along the line.

“Have you seen what they’re wearing this morning though?” one of them laughed, “they look so adorable.”

“I know, I think I’ve totally changed my mind,” the other replied, “that’s the  _ real  _ bromance. They were so funny yesterday! I don’t think I’ve ever seen them like that before. It was like they were dating!”

_ Ha! _

_ Fuck you, Wooshik! _

_ Wooshik? _

Hyungsik realised that Wooshik was standing behind him in the queue, and judging from the look on his face, Hyungsik could only guess that he had heard everything the women had said.

Hyungsik suddenly found himself feeling sorry for Wooshik, and felt a pang of guilt for his petulant behaviour.

“Morning,” Hyungsik nodded to him with a reluctant smile.

“Morning,” Wooshik returned, looking up at him like wanted to be anywhere but there.

“Where’s my fifty thousand won?” Hyungsik joked without thinking.

Wooshik broke into a sarcastic smile.

_ Oof. _

_ Not better. _

“How’s it going with your partner?” Hyungsik asked, trying to sound earnest.

Wooshik narrowed his eyes at him.

“Why are you being nice to me suddenly?” he asked, looking like he was gearing up for a fight.

Hyungsik floundered, maintaining an innocent look on his face, his eyes wide.

“I’m guessing it’s because you got what you wanted,” Wooshik added bitterly, turning his eyes away from Hyungsik and looking ahead at the queue.

_ What does he mean by  _ _ that _ _?! _

_ Are we talking about Seojoon here? _

_ How am I supposed to respond to that? _

_ Here, surrounded by our work colleagues. _

_ “We didn’t fuck if that’s what you mean, Wooshik. We wanted to but we can’t because we both work together and if the company found out, they’d find a way to legally dismiss us, and we might never find jobs in the industry again and find ourselves in financial ruin. But we already have anyway. Twice. Once in the office. So fuck you. All the way to fucking Diagnostics.” _

_ What I would  _ _ give _ _ to say that out loud. _

“You know that I know, right?” Wooshik added, his voice low, clearly frustrated by Hyungsik’s lack of response, “I mean he hasn’t said anything but I can tell. The way you both look at one another. That comment you left on his Instagram post. The way you’re always there, hovering around him.”

Hyungsik’s mouth fell agape.

_ This little… _

“The way  _ I’m  _ always…” he started in a loud indignant cry, which he then lowered to a hiss, remembering where he was, “the way  _ I’m _ always hovering around him?!”

“So I’m right?” Wooshik hissed back, quiet rage in his voice.

“Right about what?” Hyungsik asked quietly, looking around him to be sure no-one was listening, “I really think we should talk about this somewhere-”

Wooshik scoffed.

“It’s fine,” he replied bitterly, “that’s all the confirmation I need.”

Hyungsik looked at him as he stared ahead, eyes fixed on the coffee truck.

“I’m sorry,” Hyungsik said finally, before turning around to face forward in the queue again.

He could hear Wooshik huff behind him and could sense that he was seething.

_ So that went well. _

_ Glad we cleared the air there. _

***

Hyungsik returned to Seojoon feeling a heady mixture of triumph and guilt.

He knew that Wooshik was now a ticking time bomb and that it was only a matter of time before he exploded, probably at Seojoon but possibly at both of them.

_ I really need to ask him about Wooshik. _

Hyungsik handed Seojoon his coffee and Seojoon passed him some yubuchobap.

“Where did you get this?!” Hyungsik asked him excitedly, “I fucking love yubuchobap!”

“I know you do,” Seojoon smirked, “that nice woman from HR had some. She bought it from home. She offered me some when we were talking.”

Hyungsik formed a heart with his thumb and index finger and gave Seojoon his cutest smile, before biting into the yubuchobap with enthusiasm.

Seojoon leaned close to him and said in a low voice, “well, since this is a date, I need to up my game.”

Hyungsik laughed with his mouth full, “you know you don’t even have to try, right?”

Seojoon smiled earnestly at him and sipped his coffee, and Hyungsik couldn’t help but think that he looked positively smitten.

“Okay! Good morning Pulse People!” Jung-eum’s voice came from somewhere behind them and they both turned to see her dressed for hiking, a comically large hat on her back.

“We’re going to take the coach further up into the mountain today and there’s going to be a fair bit of hiking but the pace won’t be too strenuous, I promise!” she cried, “tomorrow will be a quieter day too, to make up for it!”

The large group began filing towards the coach, and Hyungsik noticed Wooshik lock eyes with them before looking away quickly.

“That was weird,” Seojoon said with a frown.

“Yeah, about that…” Hyungsik laughed nervously.

“Did I miss something?” Seojoon asked him, eyeing him suspiciously and looking a little panicked, “did you talk to him this morning?”

Hyungsik offered him apologetic puppy-dog eyes.

“Aish,” Seojoon whispered, “what did you say?”

“Nothing really,” Hyungsik muttered sulkily, “he was already mad when I bumped into him. I don’t know what the deal is with you two, but you should know he  _ really  _ thought he had a chance with you.”

Seojoon sighed.

“Shit,” he said quietly.

“You have to tell me everything,” Hyungsik said, leaning close to him, “it’s physically paining me.”

“I will,” Seojoon nodded, “later though, obviously.”

  
  


The ascent up the mountain was a brief one, the journey only taking fifteen minutes, but the trees were even thicker when they arrived at their destination.

There wasn’t a building in sight, and aside from the carpark that they had pulled into, Hyungsik could see nothing but trees on the horizon. 

A thin, gravel pathway weaved it’s way between the trees and dotted periodically along the trail were tall thin, wooden signposts with coloured labels.

It was swelteringly hot, even at the higher altitude of the mountain, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the sun beating down on them relentlessly.

Hyungsik hoped that they’d be retreating into the forest soon.

“So, today then!” Jung-eum clapped her hands together excitedly, “today you’ll be going off on your own in your teams! You’ll be given a packed lunch, water, a map, a compass and a small canvas bag. The object of today is to locate and collect as many red ribbons from the trees as you can find. The team that collects the most wins! There will be prizes for first, second and third places, and the prizes are worth the effort, people!”

Hyungsik raised his eyebrows at Seojoon.

_ I want a prize. _

_ I’m staying in my birthday room. _

_ I deserve a present. _

Hyungsik looked around at everyone preparing for the challenge, some of them starting to stretch their legs ahead of the hike, some of them beginning to argue.

Siwon approached them from Seojoon’s left and upon catching sight of their shirts, began laughing.

“You know I was kidding about the proposal right?” he said with a gasp, “you two have really started a bromance this weekend! Good for you!”

Siwon thrust a canvas bag at Seojoon, and Seojoon took it from him with an awkward laugh.

“Rooting for you!” Siwon called with a raised fist and a grin, as he walked over to the next team.

“Do you think he’s… a friend of Dorothy?” Hyungsik asked Seojoon, his gaze on Siwon as he mocked two awkward looking members of staff from Communications.

“I don’t know,” Seojoon admitted, “I don’t think I’d rule it out as a possibility.”

Hyungsik turned with a small jump towards Seojoon.

“Anyway… What’s in the baaaag?! WHAT’S IN THE BAAAGGG?!” Hyungsik cried at him, shaking his arm.

Seojoon raised an eyebrow and smirked at him.

“Seven?” Hyungsik half-asked him.

“I got the reference you absolute dork,” Seojoon chuckled, before looking down at the bag and opening it.

Hyungsik reached in to grab the food and Seojoon pulled out the map.

“Looks like each pathway has a colour,” Seojoon thought aloud, inspecting the paper.

“This isn’t bad actually,” Hyungsik nodded in approval at the food, “although I feel like there should be double. Is this really meant to be for two people?!”

Seojoon looked up at him and scoffed.

“Consider it a fast, after the banquet you had yesterday,” he laughed, “look, the signposts point to each coloured pathway, so it should be easy to navigate. We should leave crosses where we find each ribbon so we know where we’ve been. Have you got a pen or a pencil?”

“There’s no kimchi?!” Hyungsik exclaimed in dismay, eyes still scanning the food.

“Hyungsik,” Seojoon said, a little impatiently.

“Hmm?” Hyungsik said wide-eyed, “Right. A pen. No.”

“Shit,” Seojoon said with a frown, checking the canvas bag again, “I guess we can’t do  _ that  _ then.”

“Okay!” Jung-eum called out again, “Now that you all have your bags, we’re going to send you on your way! To make it fair, you’ll be sent down different paths in batches, to give you a chance to reach the ribbons at the same time! You have four hours, so we need to all meet back here at two o’clock. Does anyone have any questions?”

“Gwa Jang-nim!” Seojoon called out to her, “do you have any pens or pencils?”

There was a low murmur amongst the large group before people started to call out with the same request.

Jung-eum looked flustered.

“I’m really sorry!” she called out, looking around at them all before her eyes settled on Seojoon, “I didn’t think about that. I haven’t got pens  _ or  _ pencils, I’m afraid.”

Seojoon nodded and smiled at her.

“Okay! I’ll lead the way and get you all started!” she cried, her voice excited again.

Hyungsik looked around as they walked towards the forest, and noticed a pair to his right with a pencil.

“That’s so unfair,” he whined quietly, “some fucking psychics in the group came prepared!”

Seojoon guffawed.

“It’s fine,” he laughed with an air of confidence, “I think I should be able to keep track. No pun intended.”

“You’re loving the puns today,” Hyungsik smirked at him, nudging him with the side of his hip and feeling his pulse quicken as he remembered how they woke up that morning.

“All accidental,” Seojoon smirked back at him, before looking at his boots, some of his hair falling forward, before he quickly swept it back in place.

He pulled down his red-framed sunglasses and Hyungsik followed his cue, donning his new designer sunglasses proudly.

When they reached Jung-eum, she smiled coyly at them. 

“You guys…” she cooed, tilting her head at them, “you’re on  _ fire  _ this weekend!”

“Team ParkPark!” Hyungsik cried, punching his fist into the air, with a heavy dose of irony.

“ParkPark!” Jung-eum cried, adoringly, “I  _ love  _ it! You guys are starting on the blue path to the right here, okay?”

“Thanks, Gwa Jang-nim!” Seojoon called to her as they walked away, returning his attention to the map, “okay, so we’re here-”

Hyungsik peered at the map.

“Here?” he pointed.

“Where my finger is,” Seojoon clarified.

“Which one?!” Hyungsik complained.

“It doesn’t matter!” Seojoon laughed, “they’re all in the same general area, which is here, where we are now.”

“So here,” Hyungsik said, pressing his finger down on the map.

As Seojoon looked down, Hyungsik quickly flicked him on the forehead.

Seojoon looked at him with shock and outrage, trying to suppress a laugh.

Hyungsik raised his eyebrows at him, his mouth open, mimicking Seojoon’s outrage, daring him to retaliate.

Seojoon returned his attention to the map, a smirk on his face.

“I’ll find a way to get you back,” he muttered quietly, suppressing a smile.

_ Something to look forward to. _

_ I do so love to be punished. _

“Seojoon!” Hyungsik said with a gasp, not caring that someone might hear him not using honorifics, “a ribbon!”

He pointed to a tree to the left of them, and ran over to grab it from where it was loosely tied on one of the branches, and turned around, waving it triumphantly at Seojoon.

“There’s another one!” Seojoon called in an urgent whisper, running over to Hyungsik and pointing past him, further into the forest.

“Can you climb trees?” Hyungsik asked him, looking at how high the ribbon was.

“Not since I was a kid,” Seojoon admitted, “what if I gave you a leg up?”

They rushed over to the tree and Seojoon dropped the bag and the map onto the forest floor, before locking his fingers together and holding his palms out.

Hyungsik grabbed his shoulder and tentatively placed his foot on Seojoon’s hands, before looking up at the ribbon, eyes on the prize.

“Ready?” Seojoon asked him, “1, 2, 3!”

Hyungsik tried to propel himself towards the branch but it wasn’t enough and instead he simply dived sideways onto the forest floor.

They both immediately fell into hysterics, Hyungsik unable to recover from the mental image of how that must’ve looked like to Seojoon.

Seojoon walked over to where Hyungsik was still sitting on the forest floor and crouched down beside him, still laughing.

“Are you okay?” he managed to ask.

Hyungsik was able to nod between laughs, his hands hovering over his mouth involuntarily.

Seojoon reached out to his head, and Hyungsik felt himself stilling, hypnotised by whatever Seojoon was doing.

“You’ve got half the forest in your hair,” he grinned, as he pulled leaves and other natural materials from Hyungsik’s hair.

Hyungsik swallowed.

“In the spirit of honesty,” Hyungsik started, his voice low, “I want you again.”

Seojoon held his gaze, before easing his fingertips into Hyungsik’s hair, his lips parting slightly.

“Me too,” he said quietly, his fingers tracing the outside of Hyungsik’s left ear.

_ Fuck. _

_ I’ve never had sex in a forest before. _

_ I feel like that would be uncomfortable. _

_ And gross. _

_ And pretty risky on a team building exercise for work, in broad daylight. _

_ Okay, scratch that idea. _

“So, this ribbon then,” Hyungsik coughed, before making to stand again, Seojoon’s hand falling away from him.

Seojoon stood too, clearing his throat and swallowing, looking up at the ribbon.

“What if you got on my shoulders?” he asked quietly, looking a little flustered by his own thirst.

Hyungsik smirked at the sight of him before regaining his focus.

He looked up at the ribbon.

“I really think that might work,” Hyungsik nodded, fully recovered from his momentary loss of his senses.

“Okay, so,” Seojoon nodded at him, trying not to smile, “this is totally gonna make us both laugh so we need to try and keep it together long enough to get that stupid fucking ribbon, okay?”

Hyungsik bit his lip and nodded.

Seojoon walked over to him and turned him around so that he was facing the tree and then Hyungsik saw his head appear between his legs and immediately started laughing.

Seojoon powered through it, grabbing Hyungsik’s thighs and hoisting him up onto his shoulders, seemingly with a great deal of difficulty.

Hyungsik covered his face with his hands and laughed uncontrollably, as Seojoon teetered them both towards the tree.

“Can you grab it?” Seojoon asked him, looking up at the ribbon, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Hyungsik flailed in the direction of the ribbon and he found himself pressing his palm down on the top of Seojoon’s head as he tried to push himself further up.

Finally, after a lot of manoeuvring, Hyungsik grabbed the ribbon.

“Yes! We have you now, you smug fucker! Lording it up there in your tree!” Hyungsik cried out, and he could feel that Seojoon was laughing as he lowered Hyungsik to the ground. 

Hyungsik turned around as Seojoon collapsed onto the forest floor, breathing heavily and wiping sweat from his face.

_ I want to climb on top of him. _

“I can’t help but feel offended,” Hyungsik said to him, his eyes narrowed.

“About what?” Seojoon asked breathily.

“Are you saying I’m really heavy?” Hyungsik smirked.

“We’re the same fucking size!” Seojoon exclaimed, amusement in his eyes.

“Your arms are bigger than mine,” Hyungsik nodded, gesturing to Seojoon’s biceps, “why  _ are  _ they so big?”

“I do weight training every morning,” Seojoon replied.

Hyungsik gaped at him.

“Every morning?!” he exclaimed, “even before work?!”

“Yep,” Seojoon confirmed as he sat up and reached inside the canvas bag for the bottle of water.

“I figured you must go to the gym or something but that’s dedication,” Hyungsik said, almost admiringly.

“Thought about it before have you?” Seojoon smirked at him, before taking a swig of water.

“You have no idea,” Hyungsik blurted out.

Seojoon stood up, smiling to himself and grabbed the canvas bag, throwing the bottle inside.

He walked over to Hyungsik and leaned close to him, slowly tilting his face toward Hyungsik’s.

Hyungsik was about to lunge forward to kiss him when Seojoon flicked him on the forehead.

Hyungsik’s mouth fell open and he gaped at Seojoon incredulously.

“Un-fucking-believable!” he cried in protest.

Seojoon, who was still standing very close to him, started to guffaw.

“You didn’t think I was really gonna kiss you in the middle of a team building exercise did you?” he laughed, his voice low.

“I’ll be totally honest with you: I lose the ability to think logically when you’re in close proximity to me,” Hyungsik replied quietly, before narrowing his eyes at him with a smirk, “you know you owe me now though, right?”

Seojoon’s face became serious then and he looked a little conflicted.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “that was a shitty joke to be making right now.”

He started to walk away but Hyungsik grabbed his wrist.

“It wasn’t,” Hyungsik protested, “it was funny and I meant what I said.”

“Hyungsik-” Seojoon started to say.

“Seojoon,” Hyungsik said firmly, looking into his eyes, “we have to find more ribbons.”

***

Shortly after finding the second ribbon, they found a third and fourth on a route deeper into the forest, and Hyungsik became convinced that they had stumbled on a trail which they should follow.

Things between them quickly returned to flirting after Seojoon’s serious spell, and Hyungsik couldn’t get his mind off of the fact that he had every intention of kissing him later. 

Those were the new rules: kissing was now allowed.

They hadn’t seen anyone else since they had left the gravel path, and the air was cool between the trees - it felt like they were somewhere else - not at work, not even in Korea.

“So, Wooshik,” Hyungsik announced suddenly, as they walked slowly, deeper into the forest, looking around them for signs of ribbons, “what’s the deal with that little guy?”

Seojoon smirked at his petty description.

“Wooshik…” Seojoon exhaled, “I’ve known Wooshik since high school.”

“Have you?” Hyungsik exclaimed, surprised and feeling a tinge of jealousy.

Seojoon nodded.

“I didn’t know him well, I mean, we weren’t friends or anything but we were in the same grade so I saw him around and knew him well enough to stop and say ‘hi’ to.”

“Let me guess: you were popular in high school?” Hyungsik grinned.

“Oh god no,” Seojoon laughed, “I was a teenage disaster.”

Hyungsik cackled at that.

“So, what are we talking here: massive geek or embarrassing try-hard?” Hyungsik pressed him.

“I would say a bit of both, with a bad haircut to boot,” Seojoon admitted.

_ I need to see photos of this at some point. _

“And where did our little Wooshik fit into this social hierarchy?” Hyungsik asked.

Seojoon thought for a moment.

“I don’t know really- another ribbon!” he stopped to remove a ribbon from the tree close to him and dropped it into the canvas bag.

He fell back into step with Hyungsik.

“I didn’t really ever get to know him well enough and I don’t really remember.”

_ Made a strong impression then. _

_ Mediocre Wooshik. _

_ He’s liked  _ _ me _ _ for two years. _

_ He can barely remember  _ _ you _ _. _

“Then he joined Pulse about… six years ago? And, we became friends.”

_ Six years ago. _

_ Okay… _

_ That’s a long time. _

“When you say friends?” Hyungsik pressed.

“I mean, at first, just work friends and then… something…  _ major  _ happened in my life and he ended up being someone I could talk to when I had no one else.”

_ Fuck. _

_ Is it insanely selfish and petty for me to be jealous right now? _

_ I  _ _ am _ _ selfish and petty... _

“Can I ask… what the major thing was?” Hyungsik tried tentatively, “you can tell me to fuck off if it’s none of my business.

Seojoon shook his head.

“I  _ want  _ you to know,” he said quietly before taking a deep breath, “okay, so this is a long and involved story about pretty much every aspect of my personal life and gets heavy in places. Are you sure you want me to tell you, and if so, are you sure you want me to tell you here and now.”

Hyungsik looked at his phone, “we’ve got just over three hours. Yes and yes. As long as you’re okay telling me.”

Seojoon nodded, his eyes on the forest floor.

“So… I don’t know where to start,” he mumbled, “six years ago, I was in a long-term relationship with someone, a man, obviously, and… my parents didn’t know I was gay.”

Hyungsik looked away from him and looked at his shoes.

_ Hard relate. _

“I was on a date with him one night, in Itaewon, and we were both really drunk, and we kissed outside a bar. My father was out that night too, at some work night-out with some clients. He saw me with my boyfriend.”

_ Oof. _

“Now, my father and I were really close, had been for as long as I could remember…” Seojoon’s voice broke a little and Hyungsik could tell he was fighting not to cry, “but when he found out I was gay… he became this completely different person…”

“Are you okay?” Hyungsik asked him, stopping in his tracks. He reached out and stroked Seojoon’s arm with his hand.

Seojoon stopped too and dabbed tears from the corner of his eyes, his gaze avoiding Hyungsik.

“So, basically, my father disowned me and my mother didn’t really do anything to defend me, preferring to just pretend nothing was happening, putting fucking side dishes in my fridge when I wasn’t there… and then… nine months later…”

Seojoon was crying now, hanging his head low, his shoulders slumped forward.

“My father died of a heart attack.”

Hyungsik pulled Seojoon slowly towards him and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tightly. He pressed his face into Seojoon’s neck and closed his eyes, rubbing Seojoon’s back with his hands.

He could smell that blend of fabric softener, coconut and coffee that made Seojoon smell like Seojoon, but this time he only had the desire to comfort on his mind.

Seojoon slowly moved his arms around Hyungsik and he fell into the hug, sobbing quietly onto his shoulder.

It was several minutes because he stilled and he pulled away, his eyes red and puffy.

Hyungsik dabbed at his cheeks with his thumbs.

“I’m so sorry, Seojoon,” Hyungsik said quietly.

“I haven’t even finished the story," Seojoon laughed bitterly.

Hyungsik’s brow knitted in sympathy.

Seojoon looked up at the sky and exhaled.

“So, I hated myself, my father had just died and we hadn’t spoken in months since he saw me that night in Itaewon. I blamed myself for his death and… I blamed my sexuality. Things got rough with my boyfriend and two months later, he left me.”

“Fuck,” Hyungsik replied, utterly shocked.

_ He didn’t love you if he did that to you. _

_ Fuck that guy. _

“So, Wooshik…” Seojoon gestured with his hand, as though he were trying to wrap up his own story, “Wooshik saw me falling apart outside work one day and I ended up telling him everything. I drifted apart from all of my friends because they were also  _ my ex’s  _ friends, and they all thought I was this bitter, miserable, self-loathing, homophobic, gay man, which I guess I was at the time. So, I started hanging out with Wooshik for a little while.”

_ Shit. _

_ Now I feel like an asshole. _

_ He was your emotional support Wooshik. _

“I can’t believe you went through all of that,” Hyungsik said quietly, “I’m glad Wooshik was there for you.”

“Which brings us to our present situation,” Seojoon said, rubbing his eyes and looking suddenly exhausted, “I always wondered if maybe he felt that way about me, but I figured he would’ve said something by now if that were the case. It’s not like he had to navigate the whole is-he-or-isn’t-he-gay bullshit. I never meant to confuse him or give him the wrong impression…”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Hyungsik reassured him, “Wooshik’s a big boy and it’s not like you were flirting with him or teasing him or anything. Were you?”

“Subtly done, Hyungsik,” Seojoon said with a laugh.

Hyungsik suppressed a smile and bit his lip.

“No, of  _ course  _ I didn’t,” Seojoon clarified, “in fact, I think I was always guarded with him for exactly that reason.”

“You have nothing to feel bad about here, then,” Hyungsik assured him, “it’s not  _ your  _ fault that he decided to finally go for it in the middle of… our mess.”

“Our mess?” Seojoon laughed incredulously.

“What would you call it then?” Hyungsik raised his eyebrows, “our  _ entanglement _ , our  _ liaison _ , our  _ embroilment _ , our  _ uncontrollable-thirst-for-one-another _ ?

“Those are all pretty reductive,” Seojoon grumbled.

“Well…” Hyungsik whined, “I’m not ready to talk about the other stuff yet.”

“Unless you’ve had several bottles of soju on an empty stomach in a barbeque restaurant,” Seojoon smiled to himself.

“Huh?” Hyungsik frowned.

“What?” Seojoon asked him, an innocent expression on his face.

“Can you please tell me what you mean by that?” Hyungsik asked him in his sweetest voice, sidling up to him.

“Another time, since you’re not ready. You said so yourself,” Seojoon smirked.

Hyungsik felt his cheeks grow hot as his mind raced with what he could possibly have said to Seojoon that night.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

_ This is all your fault, Wooshik. _

_ I only got so drunk that night because of you. _

_ You’re just the gift that keeps fucking giving. _

“I feel like we may have wandered quite far into the forest here,” Seojoon announced then, a frown on his face.

He began search for something in the canvas bag,

“Fuck!” he cried suddenly.

“What?” Hyungsik asked him, looking shocked by his outburst and the look of horror on his face.

“The map,” Seojoon said, “it’s not here.”

Hyungsik began looking around at the forest floor.

“When did you last have it?” Hyungsik asked him, eyes scanning the forest.

Seojoon thought for a moment.

“By the second tree with the ribbon. When I lifted you on my shoulders.”

“So… ages ago, then,” Hyungsik said with resignation, “it’s okay, I’m pretty sure we’ve been walking parallel to the path anyway, so if we just cut back through that way, we should reach the path.”

Seojoon shook his head.

“Hyungsik, we came off the path  _ diagonally  _ and have more or less weaved into the forest since.”

Hyungsik thought about it for a moment before realising he was right.

“We’ve got that compass, what if we turn around, get the bearing and then stick to it until we see a path?” Hyungsik suggested.

“That’s a pretty good idea,” Seojoon nodded.

“Don’t sound so surprised!” Hyungsik said incredulously.

Seojoon smirked and turned around, pulling out the compass.

“Okay, so South-East?” Seojoon asked Hyungsik, who peered at the compass.

“Does that seem right to you?” Hyungsik frowned, “what direction were we facing when we were walking on the path?”

“No fucking idea,” Seojoon admitted.

Hyungsik pulled out his phone and pulled up Jung-eum’s number.

“Don’t panic yet,” Seojoon assured him, “let’s just try your plan. We’ve only been walking for… fuck an hour and a half!”

Hyungsik raised his eyebrows and hit the  _ call  _ button on his phone.

“Shit,” Hyungsik frowned, “it’s not connecting.”

He looked at his phone and waved it around.

“I think the signal’s too weak here.”

_ Fuck. _

_ I don’t want to get lost in the forest. _

_ I’m definitely the type to die in this kind of situation. _

_ Especially if we get separated. _

“Don’t leave me,” Hyungsik said suddenly, grabbing Seojoon’s arm.

“I wasn’t planning to,” Seojoon said with a small laugh, a surprised expression on his face, “let’s just try heading in this direction, and hope we come out somewhere near the trail or the car park.”

  
  


Two hours later, they were still walking and had found no sign of the trail or car park.

It was now around the time that the group were supposed to be meeting in the aforementioned car park, and Hyungsik could feel that he was starting to panic.

The GPS’ on their phones weren’t working, due to the remote location and lack of signal, and neither of them could make calls.

To top it all off, Hyungsik was feeling light-headed and he realised that neither of them had eaten anything since breakfast and it was now just after two.

“Seojoon,” Hyungsik started, “can we stop and eat something? I’m not feeling so great.”

Seojoon stopped and looked at him with concern on his face.

He touched his hand to Hyungsik’s forehead and then both of his cheeks.

“You do look a bit flushed,” Seojoon frowned, sounding worried, “let’s sit down. Maybe you’re dehydrated. When did you last drink water?”

“I don’t know,” Hyungsik admitted, dropping himself unceremoniously onto the forest floor, “I’ve been too anxious to think about that stuff.”

Seojoon sat down beside him and pulled out the large container of food and the bottle of water.

“Here, have some water first,” he said, passing Hyungsik the bottle.

Seojoon watched him drink.

“Are you really that worried?” he asked, his eyebrows knitted in sympathy.

Hyungsik nodded, screwing the lid back on to the bottle and setting it down on the ground.

“I’ve never been much for the great outdoors,” Hyungsik scowled, looking around him, “I love visiting places and I like nature, obviously but… camping? Fuck all the way off.”

Seojoon laughed.

“We won’t have to camp, I promise,” Seojoon smiled reassuringly at him, resting a hand on Hyungsik’s thigh and squeezing it.

_ We’d better not. _

_ I want to be safe, back in that hotel room. _

_ Trying desperately not to get fucked, while also trying desperately to get fucked. _

_ I want to, at the very least, wake up with your awkward boner against my butt. _

“Are you… outdoorsy?” Hyungsik asked him, as he began eating from the box of food.

“I’m probably about the same as you, with maybe slightly less hatred for camping,” Seojoon said with a laugh, “my father used to take me camping when I was a kid, so I guess I have good associations with it.”

Seojoon looked at his hands.

Hyungsik wrapped an arm around him and pressed his head to Seojoon’s, whilst also continuing to eat from the box.

“This is the most half-hearted hug I think I’ve ever had,” Seojoon laughed.

“I’m sorry!” Hyungsik said through a very large mouthful of food, before chewing intently and swallowing, “it was like once I started, I couldn’t stop.”

“Yeah, I’ve witnessed that first hand,” Seojoon quipped, side-eyeing him.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be such a five course-meal,” Hyungsik countered with a cheeky smile, “you should really take this from me and eat some yourself.”

Hyungsik passed him the box and fell back onto the forest floor.

“I  _ do  _ feel better now though,” he sighed.

“Good,” Seojoon replied, and Hyungsik could hear he was finally eating, “I just need to keep you distracted from panicking. We really will be fine.”

“Are there Moon Bears on this mountain?” Hyungsik wondered out loud.

“Please don’t think about bears,” Seojoon pleaded with him, turning around to face him, “we’re less than half a mile from a very busy and popular trail. We’re  _ not  _ in the wilderness.”

“Okay, so distract me,” Hyungsik started, “how did Wooshik know about the easel in your fridge?”

Seojoon let out a surprised laugh.

“Wooshik again? I’m really surprised that I mentioned an actual long-term relationship to you, and  _ that  _ you have no interest in, but Wooshik? You want to know everything we’ve ever said and done together.”

Hyungsik sat up.

“Okay, first of all: the long-term guy,  _ fuck  _ him. I would  _ never  _ do something like that to you,  _ especially  _ after your fucking father died. What’s to know about him? He’s a piece of shit.”

Seojoon looked like he was experiencing a mixture of emotions that veered from genuinely touched to highly amused.

“Second: Wooshik has been low-key torturing me, deliberate or otherwise, for the past month or so. I have an axe to grind.”

Seojoon nodded, pressing his lips together.

“Also…” Hyungsik’s voice became quieter, “the easel thing. I sort of felt like that was something I only knew about.”

“It was,” Seojoon confirmed, “until Wooshik invited me out one Friday night and I needed to run home because I forgot my phone, and he wanted to come in and see my apartment.”

Hyungsik rolled his eyes.

“Of course he fucking did. And then he just rifled through your fridge?!”

“Like you didn’t more-or-less do the same?!” Seojoon countered.

Hyungsik shuffled forward on the forest floor to be closer to Seojoon.

“No, I  _ charmingly  _ mentioned the fact that I hadn’t seen your apartment before and then I  _ glanced  _ in your fridge after you had already opened it,” Hyungsik retorted, resenting the accusation, despite knowing it was true.

“I really feel like somewhere along the line you’ve conflated relationships with food. First, the eating contest and now a battle for dominion over my fridge,” Seojoon laughed, “you know you’re the only boy for me, right?”

Hyungsik stared at him wide-eyed and mouth open.

Seojoon looked shocked and awkward at the same time.

“I didn’t mean… that was a joke…” he sputtered, before sighing and hanging his head looking defeated, “no it wasn’t. It wasn’t a joke. I don’t know why I’m denying it. You are.”

_ Must...  _

_ Fight...  _

_ Urge...  _

_ To… _

Hyungsik reached out and placed his hands either side of Seojoon’s head, the tips of his fingers sliding into Seojoon’s hair.

He looked at his face, his eyebrows, his hair, his cheeks, his mouth…

He leaned forward, tilting his head and pressed his lips onto Seojoon’s.

Seojoon reached up, sliding his right hand along Hyungsik’s jawline until his thumb was on his cheekbone and his fingers in his hair. He wrapped his left arm around Hyungsik’s waist and pulled him closer.

Their lips parted and their tongues touched, cautious as though this were their first kiss again.

Then, it was as though something snapped in them both.

Hyungsik pushed Seojoon back onto the forest floor, and began kissing him hungrily, his hips rolling and moans escaping his lips.

Seojoon’s hands were all over Hyungsik, grasping at him and pulling him closer as he writhed on top of Seojoon.

It wasn’t until Hyungsik remembered that they were in the middle of the forest,  _ lost _ , in the middle of the forest, that he came up for air, breathless and thoroughly worked up.

“Oh my god,” Hyungsik breathed, pressing his head down onto Seojoon’s shoulder.

Seojoon said nothing but Hyungsik could feel his heart racing in his chest and how tight his jeans had become.

Seojoon wrapped his hands around Hyungsik’s waist and began to sit up, moving Hyungsik with him, his face pressed against Hyungsik’s chest.

“We really have terrible survival instincts,” Seojoon quipped, as his breath returned.

“I don’t know,” Hyungsik countered, “the sound of us fucking may have bounced around the mountain like some sort of horny S.O.S.”

Seojoon broke down into hysterics against his chest and he leaned back, meeting Hyungsik’s gaze.

“I do _really_ want to fuck right now,” he admitted, “in the spirit of honesty and to use your favourite word.”

_ Okay. _

_ Code red. _

_ Are these the new rules? _

_ I think we’ve lost track of the rules. _

_ What are we doing? _

***

It was six o’clock when Seojoon and Hyungsik finally reached a road, and another thirty minutes before they came upon a seafood restaurant, of all things, nestled on the edge of an impressive mountain vista.

They had been walking through the forest for four hours, and upon talking to a local, realised that their route had been in completely the opposite direction to the hiking trail, taking them further up the mountain. Neither of them had noticed the steady incline upwards.

Seojoon had kept Hyungsik’s mind occupied with an almost constant barrage of questions like: “what’s your favourite colour?” and “if you had to choose, would you have an infinite amount of money or eternal life?”, seemingly in an effort to ensure Hyungsik didn’t begin to panic again.

With no-one around to see them in the quiet, remote, forest, they held hands as they walked.

Feeling extremely hungry and dehydrated by the time they reached the restaurant, they decided to eat a meal together before heading back to the hotel, Seojoon joking that it really was a proper date now as he pulled out Hyungsik’s chair for him, in mock-chivalry.

Seojoon called Jung-eum as they waited for their food, assuring her that they were both okay but that they were going to eat something before heading back. She was clearly upset and blaming herself for the fact that they had gotten lost, but Seojoon explained how they had lost their map and basically made a series of bad decisions with their navigating, before she finally accepted there was nothing she could have done to help avoid the situation.

Hyungsik had ordered an excessive amount of food, feeling sure he was too hungry for normal portions, only to find his appetite diminish with each bite, as his mind stopped worrying about survival and turned to sex, in spite of how exhausted he felt, watching Seojoon eat from across the table.

When they had finished their meal, Hyungsik getting most of his wrapped up to take away, a member of staff at the restaurant helped them arrange for a local cab to take them back to the hotel.

Jung-eum was very relieved to see them when they walked into the hotel bar, and they explained to her everything that had happened since they had walked away from her, apart from the details best left for them only.

Siwon simply informed them that they both looked like shit and should take a shower, to which they nodded, and traipsed up to their room.

Once inside their room, Seojoon collapsed onto his bed before reaching down to remove his boots with what seemed like the last of his energy.

“I know I really need a shower but I don’t know if I can stand again,” he joked, as Hyungsik sat down on the edge of the bed beside him.

Hyungsik began unlacing his boots and could smell that he too really needed a shower.

“Mind if I go first? Give you time to get your strength back,” Hyungsik quipped.

Seojoon nodded, gesturing to the bathroom, before reaching for the remote and turning on the TV.

_ Don’t you fucking fall asleep again. _

_ Drink some coffee and get your strength back. _

_ I’m dying over here. _

“Why don’t you order yourself a drink or something?” Hyungsik added, picking up the room service card.

Seojoon narrowed his eyes at Hyungsik.

“You know that you’re not as subtle as you  _ think  _ you are?” he said.

Hyungsik widened his eyes and opened his mouth in outrage.

“What have I done?!” he cried.

“You want me to order alcohol,” Seojoon guessed.

_ Ha. _

_ Wrong. _

_ You’re such a rookie. _

_ Adding alcohol to an already sleepy man is not the way to sex.  _

“I definitely don’t want you to order alcohol,” Hyungsik smirked, “anyway, I’m jumping in the shower.”

Hyungsik was relieved when, ten minutes later, he returned into the room to find Seojoon awake and watching TV.

He enjoyed the attention Seojoon gave him as he walked over to his bed and began drying his wet hair with his towel.

_ I don’t think you’ll take much convincing. _

_ Thank fuck. _

“How are the energy levels after the rest, old man?” Hyungsik asked cheekily.

“Old man?” Seojoon repeated indignantly, “I’m only four years old than you!”

“And, oh what a difference they make,” Hyungsik grinned, “I’m still in my twenties and you’re nearly in your  _ mid-thirties _ .”

Hyungsik emphasised Seojoon’s age with a whisper and a grimace, as though it were the stuff of nightmares.

Seojoon gave him a look that he found both frightening and arousing.

“Well, I’m gonna go and take a shower before I’m  _ so old _ that I need a sponge bath,” Seojoon replied bitterly, as Hyungsik cackled at him.

_ Fuck, I want you so much. _

_ Is it possible to die of sexual frustration? _

Hyungsik sat on Seojoon’s bed during the long fifteen minutes that he was in the shower, and tried to give his attention to the TV. He began channel hopping until he discovered _The Host_ on one of the channels and found himself absorbed, despite having seen it many times before.

Seojoon walked back into the room and stopped beside his bed.

“What’s this now?” he asked incredulously, “are you claiming  _ both  _ beds?”

Hyungsik kept his eyes on the TV and shifted across on the bed, before tapping on the empty space beside him, a smile on his lips.

Seojoon climbed on the bed and began drying his hair with his towel.

Hyungsik could smell coconut and coffee.

“I haven’t seen this for years,” Seojoon said, looking at the TV, “where are you up to?”

“The creature has just attacked them and taken Hyunseo,” Hyungsik explained, eyes still on the TV.

“Oh cool, so we haven’t missed much?” Seojoon replied, crossing his legs and settling back into the bed, tugging at the pillows to claim half of them back from Hyungsik.

“Get some from over there!” Hyungsik protested, waving at his own bed.

“This is  _ my bed _ !” Seojoon exclaimed, “you’re such an incredible brat.”

Hyungsik looked wounded, before getting up and walking to his own bed, picking up his pillows and handing them to Seojoon, a sulky pout on his face.

“ _ Thank you _ ,” Seojoon said emphatically, “you do realise that by sulking right now, you’re basically proving my point?”

“Does this mean I’m not allowed back on your bed,” Hyungsik asked, offering him puppy-dog eyes and another pout.

Seojoon scoffed before grabbing Hyungsik’s wrist and pulling him down onto the bed.

Hyungsik grinned at him.

“You’re in the way of the TV,” Seojoon said, looking past Hyungsik and suppressing a smile.

Despite the fact that Hyungsik’s mind was semi-occupied with thoughts about sex, they watched  _ The Host _ together, Hyungsik cuddling up to Seojoon and eventually becoming completely absorbed with the movie.

When the credits rolled, Seojoon stretched and yawned.

“What time is it?” he asked.

Hyungsik looked at his phone.

“Almost nine thirty,” he told him.

“Why do I feel so tired?” Seojoon wondered out loud, “and don’t say it’s because I’m ancient.”

Hyungsik cackled.

“We  _ did  _ walk for hours today,” Hyungsik pointed out to him, “do you want to sleep?”

“I don’t know,” Seojoon said thoughtfully, “I’m exhausted but I don't know if I could actually sleep right now. It’s way too early.”

Hyungsik looked down at Seojoon’s body, his head still resting on Seojoon’s shoulder.

He felt his pulse quicken as recalled how Seojoon looked naked.

He bit his lip and began tracing the back of his index finger upwards along Seojoon’s arm.

“I can think of something we could do with the last of your energy,” he said breathily, as he rolled his body towards Seojoon, pressing himself against him.

“Hyungsik,” Seojoon protested, his expression one of lust and anguish.

“Seojoon, I’m begging you, can we please just have this? I don’t wanna talk about what this means, or what happens next week, I just want you. I want you so much that I feel like I’m going crazy,” Hyungsik admitted, sounding breathless and desperate, “can we please just add it to the long list of exceptions that we’ve made this weekend and enjoy the time we have together?”

Hyungsik began presumptuously kissing Seojoon before he could answer, sliding his tongue into his mouth and lapping at him in synchronicity with the roll of his hips, as he shifted his weight onto Seojoon’s lap.

Seojoon didn’t have to answer, since his tongue met Hyungsik’s almost immediately, before pressing it into Hyungsik’s mouth hungrily, and he grabbed onto Hyungsik’s waist with such force that Hyungsik momentarily stopped breathing.

_ Fuck, I want this so much. _

Seojoon began lifting Hyungsik’s shirt and Hyungsik pulled away to remove it, before reaching for Seojoon’s and helping him remove his.

Then Seojoon stopped, looking breathless and pained.

“Fuck,” he said, “I haven’t got any condoms.”

Hyungsik sank back down onto him, smiling to himself as he kissed him again and began to pull down Seojoon’s sweatpants.

“I do,” Hyungsik whispered onto his neck, with a grin, feeling thoroughly pleased with himself.

Seojoon wrapped his hand around Hyungsik’s head and kissed him with so much gusto, that Hyungsik took it to mean: “good job”.

By the time Hyungsik finally stopped to grab the condoms, they were both completely naked and dazed with lust.

Seojoon watched as Hyungsik reached into his bag to retrieve the bag from the market, and a look of recognition fell on his face when he saw the logo on the side. The logo for the hotel market.

“You weren’t buying plasters,” he said, the truth dawning on him, “we got paired up and  _ this  _ was your first thought.”

“It was a precaution,” Hyungsik protested, before he realised there was no use denying it, “oh fuck off. Yes - I thought the opportunity might present itself. I  _ hoped  _ it would. Shocker: I want to have sex with you.”

Hyungsik stroppily threw the condoms at Seojoon who started laughing.

Seojoon stood up and walked over him, the sight of which made Hyungsik feel like he was going to have a heart attack.

“You think I didn’t think it too?” Seojoon leaned close and whispered onto Hyungsik’s lips, sliding a hand into his hair and another around his back and pulling him close.

“Fuck,” Hyungsik whispered breathlessly, “do you  _ know  _ what you do to me?”

Seojoon began kissing and licking Hyungsik’s neck and began walking them both back towards the bed, Hyungsik being led backwards.

When Hyungsik felt the back of his legs hit the bed, he let himself fall back, pulling Seojoon with him, and Seojoon reached out for the condoms.

Hyungsik adjusted his position on the bed as Seojoon struggled to open the pack, and Hyungsik found himself laughing at him as far too much time passed.

Seojoon guffawed.

“I don’t think there’s enough blood in my brain for this,” he laughed, looking apologetic, exasperated and deeply frustrated.

Hyungsik grabbed the pack from him and tore it open like a child opening presents at Christmas.

He literally took matters into his own hands, helping Seojoon with the condom, before pulling him back onto the bed and letting out a gasp at the push of Seojoon’s fingers inside him.

Hyungsik kissed him hungrily, lost in the pleasure and feeling himself growing so hot that he thought he might combust, the smell of coconut and coffee making him feel drunk with lust.

When Seojoon finally pushed himself inside Hyungsik, his lips and tongue on his neck again, Hyungsik felt like it was his first time, the experience feeling entirely new and overwhelming his senses so much, that he didn’t know he could feel this much pleasure.

As Seojoon pulled back and pushed himself inside Hyungsik again, he exhaled onto Hyungsik’s neck and paused, brushing his cheek against Hyungsik's cheek and whispered close to his ear: "I love you, Hyungsik."

Hyungsik felt a wave of heat pass over him and he pressed his fingers into the skin of Seojoon's back. He could feel himself trembling.

"You don't have to say anything. I just need you to know."

  
  


As they had sex, Hyungsik felt like for the first time in his life he understood what it meant to 'make love'. 

He had always hated that phrase, cringing whenever he heard someone using it. 

Sex was just sex to him no matter the circumstances in which it happened, and the attempt to romanticise such a raw, animalistic act always seemed ludicrous to him.

But tonight, sex with Seojoon was different.

With every movement, every kiss, every lick, every moan, every grasp of the hand and every roll of the hips, Hyungsik felt not just a physical pleasure but an ache in his heart. 

He felt a longing for Seojoon, even though he was inside him, because he knew that this was one of their last nights together, and he held on to him tightly, wishing so badly that Seojoon could be his.

As they had sex, Hyungsik thought to himself, over-and-over like a mantra:

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. They've both utterly lost control of the situation and are just a pair of human disasters but at least they have each other right? For now anyway...
> 
> Also, "I want to, at the very least, wake up with your awkward boner against my butt" is one of the favourite lines I've written in anything so far. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did when I typed it and laughed out loud at my own dumb sense of humour.
> 
> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for taking the time to read my awful ramblings!


	8. The Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungsik and Seojoon are in deep now, and the reality of their situation is only just hitting Hyungsik, despite his best efforts to bury and ignore it. 
> 
> Things get more complicated as Hyungsik reveals more about his situation than he had been willing to share before, as the Team Building weekend comes to an end and the tension with Wooshik comes to a head.

Hyungsik had been having a very intense and stressful dream about his father, when he woke in the darkened hotel room on Mount Seorak, Seojoon wrapped around him and in a deep sleep, breathing softly onto the back of Hyungsik’s neck.

He felt thirsty and hot but didn’t want to move, enjoying the feeling of Seojoon’s arms around him, his body pressed against him, legs intertwined.

_ This fucking man. _

_ I’m so angry about how much I feel for this fucking man. _

Hyungsik reached for Seojoon’s lifeless hand and pulled it to his mouth, planting a kiss onto his fingers.

Seojoon’s fingers twitched before he tightened his grip around Hyungsik’s hand and stirred, pressing his head into Hyungsik’s hair, as he straightened out his legs and stretched.

Then, he pulled Hyungsik close again, wrapping a leg around Hyungsik’s legs and squeezing him.

“Morning,” he said softly onto Hyungsik’s neck, “did you sleep okay?”

“I don’t remember how or when it happened but yeah, I did, thanks,” Hyungsik laughed, “how about you?”

“I woke up once to get water and it was really raining outside,” Seojoon explained, “but apart from that, I think I was completely knocked out.”

Hyungsik slowly rolled on the bed, Seojoon shifting his position to make space for him, until Hyungsik was pressed up against him again, face-to-face.

Seojoon smiled at him and kissed him on the nose, as he wrapped his leg around him again.

“Your hair looks good like that. You look like a man who had lots of sex last night,” Seojoon said playfully, a mischievous look in his eye.

Hyungsik slid his hands around Seojoon’s waist and smiled, before kissing him lazily, Seojoon’s arms around Hyungsik’s back, his hands on his shoulder blades, holding him close.

It was just as Hyungsik started to weigh up sex vs food as his first priority, that both of their alarms rang out.

They both groaned onto each other’s mouths, and Seojoon refused to let go of Hyungsik as he flailed to locate his phone on the bedside table.

Hyungsik finally wrestled free of his grip and switched off his alarm, noticing he had a message from Taehyung, as Seojoon kissed his neck and chest.

He felt his stomach churn as he remembered Taehyung, and in turn, the threatening loom of reality.

_ I don’t want to go back. _

_ I want to stay here forever. _

_ With him. _

“Seojoon,” Hyungsik began, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, “I don’t wanna do more team building bullshit today. Why don’t we stay here all day and fuck until we’re numb.”

Seojoon stopped kissing him and leaned back, his eyebrows raised, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Please,” he laughed, “say what’s on your mind. Don’t hold back will you?”

Hyungsik scoffed.

“You have no fucking idea. If that’s what I  _ say _ , I’ll leave it to your imagination what I think about.”

Seojoon looked at him hungrily and suppressed a smile.

“You used to wonder if  _ I _ was human,” he laughed, “but right now I’m thinking you were made in a lab by very horny, gay scientists.”

Hyungsik cackled mischievously, before pressing against Seojoon again, sliding his tongue into his mouth greedily.

“Is that a yes?” Hyungsik asked him when he pulled back for air.

Seojoon began flailing with his arm, searching for his own phone on the other bedside table.

Once he had located it, he pulled back from Hyungsik, concentrating on the screen, and Hyungsik watched in amusement as he dialled Jung-eum’s number.

“Oh, hi, Gwa Jang-nim? Yeah, It’s Seojoon,” he was speaking in a slightly over-dramatic, weak voice, which Hyungsik found laughable but he was sure would be sufficient enough to fool Jung-eum.

“I just wanted to let you know that Hyungsik-ssi and I think we have food poisoning. Yeah… We’ve been up all night. It’s really bad. Yeah… we think it was the seafood restaurant. Hmm… I didn’t think about heatstroke. Yeah, you could be right…”

Hyungsik buried his face in the mattress to suppress his impulse to cackle loudly, and Seojoon tickled him on the ribs with his free hand, causing him to thrash wildly.

“No, no, Gwa Jang-nim! Don’t come up!” Seojoon said, sounding mildly panicked, “we’ll order room service if we need to. We’re not keeping much down at the moment anyway. Okay… Yeah… I hope you all have fun today. Thanks. Thanks. Bye, Gwa Jang-nim… Yeah, I will… Bye.”

Hyungsik released his cackle and turned to look at Seojoon.

“Gwa Jang-nim said she hopes you feel better soon,” he said with a smirk.

“I hope I feel better soon too,” Hyungsik agreed, pulling Seojoon on top of him and wrapping his legs around him.

***

By the time their room service arrived, they had both showered and stripped Seojoon’s bed of the sheets, leaving them sheepishly outside the door with their used towels, and making Seojoon’s bed up with the bedding from Hyungsik’s bed.

Hyungsik waited until he could hear the staff leave the trolley outside and then cautiously opened the door and wheeled it inside, before locking it again.

He inspected the food.

“This hotel really has ideas above it’s station,” he scoffed.

“Why?” Seojoon laughed as he brushed his hair.

“It’s clearly just an activity centre but the chef here must be punching for Michelin stars,” Hyungsik sneered, “they’ve got a ways to go before  _ that  _ happens by the look of the food though.”

“Wow,” Seojoon gaped at him, “you’re  _ such  _ a fucking snob.”

“Am not!” Hyungsik protested with a pout.

“Where were you raised?” Seojoon asked him, a glint in his eye.

“Fuck off,” Hyungsik replied, returning his attention to the food.

Seojoon laughed.

“I’m guessing… an expensive high-rise, overlooking the river,” Seojoon teased, “middle class family, reputable school.”

Hyungsik debated whether or not to lie to Seojoon, but decided he wanted him to know everything about him. 

He exhaled and wheeled the trolley of food over to the bed.

“I grew up in Gangnam,” Hyungsik explained, his eyes on the food as he removed the lids, “my father is on the board of directors for the company that made the car that Siwon’s been bragging about all weekend.”

Seojoon’s jaw fell open.

“Are you serious?” he asked him, a look of shock and fear on his face.

Hyungsik nodded, sitting down beside him, unable to meet his gaze.

There was an extended period of silence between them and Hyungsik wondered if Seojoon was completely freaking out.

“Say something,” Hyungsik said, finally breaking the silence.

“I… I don’t understand,” Seojoon managed, before turning to look at Hyungsik, “but you work at a fucking games company?”

“Yeah, and you best believe my father was fucked off about  _ that _ ,” he replied, bitterly, still unable to meet Seojoon’s eyes, “still is, in fact.”

Seojoon said nothing, his eyes scanning Hyungsik’s face.

“I know what you’re thinking. No, they don’t know I’m gay,” Hyungsik told him, trying not to let his emotions reach his voice, “I mean, I’m pretty sure my father does, since he’s always hated his overly-dramatic, flirtatious son, and it certainly didn’t escape his attention when I would disappear with the pool boy when I was fifteen, but his approach is just angry, vehement denial and insisting I get married before I turn thirty, after all, I owe him  _ that  _ at least, since I refuse to work for the company, like a good little chaebol boy.”

Seojoon placed his hand onto Hyungsik’s and he drew circles onto it with his thumb.

“I feel like I’m slowly catching up now,” Seojoon said quietly, “your fear… about us. If the company found out, so would your family.”

“If I lost my job and got outed at same time, my father would implode from his own sense of self-satisfaction and righteous anger, forcing me to work for that fucking company and marry me off to some poor unsuspecting woman who’s gonna have to learn about pegging pretty fucking quickly.”

Seojoon let out a guffaw and pressed his forehead against Hyungsik’s temple.

“You’re all about the gallows humour aren’t you?” he laughed, sadness in his voice, “I’m so sorry, Hyungsik-kkeo”

At the sound of Seojoon saying his name with the possessive suffix, Hyungsik closed his eyes and let tears roll down his cheeks.

Seojoon realised he was crying and pulled him close into a hug, sweeping his thumb across his cheek.

“Please don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart,” he said softly.

“No matter what happens,” Hyungsik managed to say through the tears, “I hope you know that I’ll  _ always  _ be yours.”

Seojoon wrapped both of his arms around Hyungsik and squeezed him tightly, nuzzling into Hyungsik’s hair and kissing him on the temple and forehead.

Hyungsik realised that he was crying too, as his tears pressed against Hyungsik’s cheeks and fell onto his hands.

Hyungsik wrapped his arms around Seojoon and buried his face in his neck, inhaling deeply.

_ Fabric softener, coconut and coffee. _

_ The quite literally bittersweet smell of the man I love. _

  
  


The food was lukewarm by the time they began eating it, which they did in silence, in front of the TV.

Hyungsik felt a mixture of relief and regret at telling Seojoon the truth, and wondered if he had shattered any happiness there was left, in the bubble they had created in that hotel room.

He was the first to admit to himself that his coping mechanism was denial, and telling Seojoon everything meant that he could no longer run from it.

Hyungsik was starting to feel thoroughly depressed, when Seojoon spoke again.

“Did you know that  _ Islands in the Stream _ is also a book by Hemmingway?” he asked.

Hyungsik turned to him and shook his head.

“He wrote it before he died and it was released only after his death. It’s about family, love, loss… it’s about the people you cling to in the stream, to stop you being carried away by the current.”

Seojoon held Hyungsik’s gaze, and Hyungsik felt like his heart was going to burst.

“There’s this quote from it that I’ve always liked and I feel like you might need to hear it right now. I think you might relate to it.”

Seojoon smiled, reaching for Hyungsik’s hand and squeezing it,

“ _ Out of all the things you couldn’t have, there were some that you could have, and one of those was to know when you were happy and to enjoy all of it while it was there and it was good _ ."

Hyungsik listened to him and absorbed the words.

“What I’m trying to say is: I’m sorry for pressing you when we started this. You’re right. Let’s just be happy now. This weekend. Here together. While it’s good.”

Seojoon leaned forward and kissed him, sliding his hand up the back of his neck and into his hair. Hyungsik returned the kiss and could feel the longing in his heart getting heavier.

When Seojoon pulled away, he cradled Hyungsik’s head in his hands and looked into his eyes.

“I love you, Hyungsik-kkeo and no matter what happens, for as long as I  _ breathe _ , I’ll never forget how happy you made me and how incredible it was to be with you, however briefly. I’m a fucking lucky man.”

Hyungsik started to cry again and Seojoon hugged him.

“Don’t cry.  _ Please  _ don’t cry. We need to fuck until we’re numb, remember? We’ve got an entire pack of condoms to get through!”

Hyungsik laughed against Seojoon’s shoulder, between sobs.

“I never,  _ ever  _ imagined I’d get a heart-wrenching declaration of love from Park-Fucking-Seojoon on Mount Seorak, on a Pulse team building weekend!” Hyungsik cried between sobs.

“Imagine how  _ I _ feel,” Seojoon said with a laugh, “this time last year, you put in for a transfer to get away from me!”

“I was never really gonna go through with that!” Hyungsik protested, pulling away from his chest and looking at him.

Seojoon narrowed his eyes and smiled at him affectionately.

“Petty bastard.”

***

“Joon-kkeo?”

“Mhm?”

“Why do you always smell of coconut and coffee?”

Hyungsik was resting against Seojoon’s chest, Seojoon’s legs either side of Hyungsik and one of Hyungsik’s arms resting on his knee.

They were watching some dumb Hollywood action movie that Hyungsik was only half-paying attention to, when it occurred to him to ask Seojoon why he always smells like a literal snack.

“Do I?” Seojoon asked, his chin resting on Hyungsik’s head.

“You do,” Hyungsik said, leaning his head back playfully, “how and why?”

Seojoon laughed and wrapped his arms around him.

“Hmm,” he thought out loud, “the stuff I use on my hair is coconut, I think. Oh, and my moisturiser has coffee in it, or smells like it does anyway. I guess it must be that.”

“I need to know which products they are, that and the fabric softener you use,” Hyungsik declared.

“Why?” Seojoon laughed, looking down at him.

_ So I can buy them all and smell them whenever I miss you. _

_ Which will be always. _

“No reason,” Hyungsik replied nonchalantly.

Seojoon was silent for a moment before speaking again.

“You smell… expensive,” Seojoon announced.

Hyungsik fell into a fit of hysterics.

“What?!” he asked, sitting up on the bed and turning to face him.

Seojoon guffawed.

“I have no idea  _ what  _ it is. It must be a product you use or a combination of products, but you smell like the men that walk into our building in suits and Rolexes, which I guess makes sense to me now.”

“I smell like a corporate fuck?!” Hyungsik cried indignantly.

Seojoon quickly realised what he’d implied and his face fell into an expression of panic and regret.

“No! That’s not what I meant-” he protested.

“I’m throwing all my shit out!” Hyungsik announced dramatically, getting up and reaching for his bag, as Seojoon grabbed him by the waist, guffawing loudly and wrestling him back onto the bed.

“What I  _ mean  _ is,” Seojoon tried, “you smell  _ amazing _ . Like a man that’s  _ far  _ too good for a bohemian artist from Itaewon.”

“Not better, Joon-kkeo,” Hyungsik scowled.

Seojoon laughed and squirmed on the bed.

“Okay, you smell like latex and red bean paste,  _ right now _ ,” Seojoon added, “is that better?”

“You’re such a fuck!” Hyungsik exclaimed, a pout on his face, “I tell you you smell like delicious food, and you tell me I smell like my worst nightmare!”

“You don’t like red bean paste?” Seojoon asked, his eyebrows raised and trying to suppress his laughter, his shoulders shaking involuntarily.

“I will actually smother you with that pillow,” Hyungsik said through gritted teeth.

“Do you, or do you not, spend a lot of money on the products you use?” Seojoon asked him, looking like the smug bastard that Hyungsik knows well from two years of working with him.

“Fuck off, you cheap, coconut fuck,” Hyungsik scowled.

“Wow,” Seojoon guffawed, “how quickly the affection turned to unbridled rage.”

“Yeah, well…” Hyungsik sulked, “I’m really hurt by that.”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, Hyungsik-kkeo,” Seojoon said with an apologetic laugh, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him close, as he resisted and pulled away, “what if I told you that you were the most attractive man I’ve ever seen and the thought of having sex with you will probably sustain me when I’m old and gross and no-one wants me anymore?”

Hyungsik threw his head back and laughed,  _ greatly  _ enjoying the compliment.

“I don’t know how I feel about wrinkly, shrivelled old Seojoon, masturbating to the mental image of me,” Hyungsik frowned but a smile in his eyes.

“Well, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that,” Seojoon said with some authority, a smile on his face, “it’s happening, and I for one, can’t  _ wait _ .”

Hyungsik cackled.

“Also, I  _ fucking love  _ your ears,” Seojoon added, “how did  _ they  _ happen? It just  _ kills  _ me when you smile and they move slightly. You’re like this adorable, sexy, wood-nymph that I think I dreamt up.”

Hyungsik fell onto the floor in uncontrollable hysterics, clutching his stomach and rolling onto his side. Every time he thought he might recover, he heard Seojoon saying the words ‘sexy wood-nymph’ in his mind and he lost it again.

When he finally climbed back on to the bed, he found Seojoon smiling affectionately at him and Hyungsik tilted his head at him, giving him his most loving smile.

“I still can’t believe you’re into me,” Seojoon admitted, “I act casual, but… I’ve liked you for two years. When you kissed me that first time, I think my brain exploded.”

“You  _ do  _ get that I’ve  _ always  _ been into you, right?” Hyungsik replied, emphatically, “none of that stuff came out of nowhere.”

Seojoon looked stunned.

“I’ve had a reluctant, angry crush on my seonbae since the day I met him and I thought he hated me,” Hyungsik said, tracing lines on the bed with his index finger.

Seojoon stood up and walked to where Hyungsik was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He leaned down, reaching for Hyungsik’s head, seemingly about to kiss him, when Hyungsik stopped his hand.

Hyungsik moved to the floor and pulled Seojoon with him.

“It’s cool down here,” Hyungsik smiled cheekily, “let’s fuck  _ all  _ the places.”

***

It was after their second shower of the day, which they had taken together, that Hyungsik felt like he really might be getting close to feeling physically numb.

The sky had darkened outside to such a degree that it looked like there may even be a storm, something Hyungsik welcomed, hoping that it might clear the air of the humid heat of that day.

They had left a ‘do not disturb’ sign hanging on the door, so were surprised when there was a knock at the door just before four o’clock.

Seojoon looked at Hyungsik who shrugged.

Seojoon approached the door and looked through the peephole.

“I can see your shadow, y’know?” came the mocking voice of Siwon.

Seojoon turned around in a panic, his eyes scanning the room for signs of their sexual exploits, and Hyungsik began hurriedly tidying up, hiding the most incriminating evidence under his bed.

“Are you gonna let me in or are you too weak to come to the door?” Siwon asked, in such a sarcastic manner, that Hyungsik suspected that he may have guessed that they had lied about being sick.

After getting a nod from Hyungsik, Seojoon opened the door.

“Oh, hi, seonbae,” Seojoon said casually, with a hint of faux-sickness in his voice.

Siwon strode into the room and Hyungsik had a mild panic that the room might smell, the way a tiny, hot room  _ might  _ smell after two adults had been having sex in it all day.

He picked up his spray deodorant and began spraying himself in long, wide arcs, and Siwon raised an eyebrow at him as though he were a madman.

“Jung-eum-ssi asked me to check on you guys,” Siwon explained, his eyes on Hyungsik, a suspicious frown on his face and his nostrils flaring.

“Thanks, seonbae,” Seojoon replied, “we’re both over the worst of it, I think.”

Siwon nodded, turning to face Seojoon.

“You coming down for dinner?” he asked.

_ No! _

_ The bubble. _

Seojoon looked at Hyungsik who shook his head emphatically.

“I think we’re just gonna stay up here tonight, Siwon-ssi,” Seojoon said with an apologetic frown, “my stomach is still really sensitive. We were just gonna order food and then turn in for the night.”

“Oh, come on!” Siwon urged him, “get some fresh air, it’ll do you both good! Jung-eum won’t forgive me if I return without  _ Team ParkPark, _ as everyone’s now calling you.”

Seojoon’s eyes darted to Hyungsik, who just slumped forward in sulky defeat.

“Okay, sure,” Seojoon sighed, “we’ll be down soon.”

Siwon clapped his hands triumphantly.

“Good man! See you down there!”

As Seojoon saw Siwon out of the door, Hyungsik collapsed onto Seojoon’s bed and huffed loudly.

Seojoon walked over to him and knelt down beside the bed, grasping one of Hyungsik’s hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said with puppy-dog eyes.

“This fucking sucks,” Hyungsik grumbled, “this is our last night.”

Seojoon kissed his hand.

“We still  _ have  _ tonight,” Seojoon countered, “we’ll go down there for a bit, get drunk and then come back up here for sex and cuddles.”

Hyungsik rolled his eyes and suppressed a smile.

“Hmmm?” Seojoon pressed him, trying to meet his gaze, “what if we have a secret code word for  _ I’m-thinking-about-having-sex-with-you-right-now _ ?”

Hyungsik cackled and nodded, finally meeting his eyes.

“What can it be?” Seojoon thought out loud, “it has to be something normal but not  _ too  _ normal. Something that we would legitimately use in conversation but not something we use all the time.”

“I mean, it would be accurate,” Hyungsik countered, “I  _ am  _ thinking about having sex with you all the time.”

Seojoon laughed.

“How about  _ coffee _ ?” Hyungsik suggested, “normal but not particularly normal for talk in a bar? Also, the smell of your cheap-ass moisturiser.”

“You absolute bitch,” Seojoon gasped in mock-outrage.

Hyungsik rolled over on the bed and planted a kiss on his lips with a cheeky smile.

“Okay, let’s get this over and done with then!”

***

It seemed to Hyungsik that the entire world had changed.

As they walked through the hotel, travelled in the elevator and entered the bar, it felt like everything he once knew was different and he had the confidence and strength to do anything.

He guessed that this must be the heady effect of being completely in love and knowing that you’re loved back, even if it  _ was  _ a secret that only they knew about.

It was a powerful drug.

They sat down together at a table with Jung-eum, Siwon, Bo-young, Yoo-jin and a couple of women from QA, who immediately asked them about their time in the forest and subsequent food poisoning.

Siwon ordered, and paid for, drinks for them all, and continued to talk about his new car, which seemed to put Seojoon in a mood, Hyungsik betting he could guess why, so he asked him: “do you want some  _ coffee _ ?” and squeezed his leg under the table.

Seojoon smirked to himself, and no-one seemed to notice that he didn’t answer Hyungsik’s question.

It began to rain outside, and a quiet rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance, as the rain grew heavier and heavier, until it developed into a loud and violent storm above the hotel.

The group ordered food for the table and Jung-eum regaled Hyungsik and Seojoon with the funniest moments from that day’s team building exercises, Siwon pulling sarcastic and comedic faces beside her and out of her line of sight.

Hyungsik found himself relaxing, enjoying himself even, drinking and laughing with everyone, with Seojoon at his side.

As they got progressively more drunk, they both talked about coffee, laughing at one another in such a way that everyone around the table seemed to have noticed, but had no clue as to the nature of the joke they were missing.

There was one heart-stopping moment when Hyungsik forgot himself, and started to call Seojoon ‘Joon-kkeo’, just starting to say ‘Joon’, with no legitimate way to cover it with honorifics, so Seojoon, meeting his panicked eyes, knocked a glass of beer all over the table, which sufficiently distracted everyone for the next few minutes.

“I really feel like next year, you and I should participate, Siwon-ssi,” Jung-eum nodded earnestly, after they had been discussing the weekend’s team building activities.

“You can try!” Siwon cried, his eyebrows raised at her, before taking a swig of his beer.

She smiled and jabbed his stomach.

“I think we should,” she grinned, “why not?”

Siwon looked incredulously at everyone around the table, as though he were looking for their support.

“Jung-eum-ssi,” he started, leaning close to her, “I can’t tell you how  _ vital  _ it is for my underlings to respect me. Do you really expect that to remain the case once they’ve seen my dignity reduced to dust beneath the crushing humiliation of whatever you cook up for us next year?”

Jung-eum began laughing hysterically, her cheeks flushing pink and kicking her legs under the table.

“I would love to see it though,” Seojoon grinned, “Siwon-ssi running an egg-and-spoon race.”

Siwon scowled at Seojoon.

“Siwon-ssi on a zipline!” Bo-young exclaimed, also looking flushed and a big grin on her face.

Hyungsik guffawed beside her.

Siwon raised an eyebrow at Bo-young.

Hyungsik started to open his mouth when Siwon raised his index finger to him.

“Don’t!” Siwon cried, “don’t you dare. You wound my pride with every foul suggestion. It’s never gonna happen, people!”

Everyone around the table laughed.

So, Bo-young,” Yoo-jin started, “what have you made of your first Pulse team building weekend?”

“And you can be honest!” Jung-eum added quickly, “I won’t be offended.”

Bo-young looked at Hyungsik beside her.

“It’s been so much fun!” she grinned, turning her gaze back to Yoo-jin and then Jung-eum, “honestly, I haven’t laughed this much in a long time! You guys are so much fun!”

_ She’s so fucking cute. _

“Especially watching Seojoon-ssi and Hyungsik-ssi!” Bo-young added, before everyone around the table nodded in agreement, “that’s been my favourite part!”

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon, who met his gaze bashfully, both smiling to themselves.

“Team ParkPark have definitely stolen the show this weekend,” Jung-eum agreed, before adding with a grimace, “well, that is until you guys got lost in the woods and then had food poisoning.”

Siwon took a drink from his beer, raising an eyebrow at them both.

“We make a good team for  _ most  _ things,” Hyungsik started, with a laugh, “but I guess navigation isn’t a strong suit for either of us!”

“Apart from finding sources of food,” Seojoon joked, looking at Hyungsik, “for  _ that _ , you have a sixth sense.”

Hyungsik chuckled.

Then one of the girls from QA asked them if they had a ‘bromance’.

Hyungsik stared at her and Seojoon looked down at his beer.

“Don’t embarrass them like that,” Jung-eum chastised the girl, nudging her with her elbow, “I’m just relieved they’re not at each other’s throats for once.”

“What  _ is _ a bromance anyway?” Hyungsik asked with a forced laugh, feeling drunk and irritated by the question, “it sounds a bit incestuous to me!”

He could sense Seojoon shifting nervously beside him.

“It’s a really cute, special friendship between men,” the girl from QA answered him, gleefully.

“Ohhhh,” Hyungsik smiled at her, “ a  _ special  _ friendship! What makes it special?”

The girl thought for a minute before shrugging.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “like cute pet names and always spending time together.”

“Right!” Hyungsik replied, “so, like, a boyfriend?”

Hyungsik could feel Seojoon squeeze his leg, and he leaned forward on the table.

“Hyungsik-ssi, shall we go and get some coffee?” he asked, before addressing Jung-eum and Siwon with a nervous laugh, “I don’t want to be hung over tomorrow.”

Hyungsik turned to face Seojoon.

_ Yes. _

_ Let’s return to the bubble. _

“I think that’s a really good idea, Seojoon-ssi,” he nodded earnestly, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You can sleep in a little tomorrow don’t forget!” Jung-eum called to them as they got up from the table, “we leave at ten.”

They both nodded and said good night to everyone, before turning to leave.

As they were walking to the elevator, down a long quiet corridor, someone called out: “Seojoon-ssi”.

They turned to find Wooshik striding towards them, looking pink-cheeked and frankly, furious.

_ Fuck. _

_ I forgot. _

_ The time bomb. _

As he approached them, Hyungsik could smell that he reeked of alcohol.

“Where have you been for a day and a half?” Wooshik asked him, his tone bitter and ill-tempered, “and don’t tell me you’ve had food poisoning ‘cos I’ve heard that story and it’s bullshit.”

“Wooshik!” Seojoon cried, looking surprised and more than a little annoyed.

Wooshik turned to look at Hyungsik.

“Do you really like  _ him _ ?” he asked, venom in his voice, “he’s just a pretty, airhead!”

Wooshik shoved Hyungsik and Hyungsik quickly retaliated, grabbing him by his collar.

_ Watch it, little man. _

_ Don’t test me today. _

_ I’m already irritated. _

“Yah!” Seojoon cried, prising them apart and shoving Wooshik away, standing in front of Hyungsik defensively “don’t you  _ dare  _ take this out on him. It’s  _ me  _ you’re mad at.”

“You’re right,” Wooshik nodded, “I  _ am  _ mad at you. How  _ could  _ you?! You knew how I felt!”

“Wooshik-” Seojoon started.

“You’re a fool,” Wooshik said bitterly, cutting him off, “‘cos guys like that…”

He pointed at Hyungsik and sneered.

“They’d fuck half of Seoul and not give it another thought!”

Hyungsik was still processing his own rage before he realised that Wooshik was on the floor, clutching his nose, blood dripping from between his fingers.

“Seojoon-ssi!” came a shocked voice from the end of the corridor and Hyungsik looked up to see Jung-eum running over.

_ Fuck. _

_ Seojoon. _

_ This isn’t his fault! _

_ It was fucking, Wooshik! _

“Wooshik-ssi!” Jung-eum cried as she crouched down beside him, “are you okay? What the  _ hell  _ is going on?!”

“This is  _ his  _ fault!” Hyungsik cried, defensively, pointing at Wooshik, who just glared at him.

Seojoon said nothing.

Jung-eum helped Wooshik to his feet and began guiding him to the reception area, before turning to Seojoon.

“Seojoon-ssi, I think we need to have to have a talk first thing Monday,” she said, sounding stern but also a little anguished.

Hyungsik watched them walk away.

He hit the call button on the elevator and tugged on Seojoon’s wrist gently.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Seojoon said nothing but nodded his head slowly.

The elevator doors opened and Hyungsik pulled Seojoon into the elevator, gently tugging on his arm.

They said nothing as they walked back to their room, and once inside, Seojoon simply fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling.

“Fucking Wooshik!” Hyungsik exclaimed, pacing back-and-forth by the window, flashes of lightning illuminating the sky occasionally, “that was  _ completely  _ uncalled for! I mean, I get that the guy hates me, but he  _ knew  _ that saying that would provoke you! What’s he trying to do?!”

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon who was still staring at the ceiling, his expression blank.

“Are you okay?” Hyungsik asked him again, walking over to the bed.

“They could sack me for this,” he said finally.

Hyungsik crouched down beside him.

“They won’t sack you,” Hyungsik said softly, reaching for his head and stroking his hair, “Jung-eum knows you and knows you’re not like that. She must know that it would take a lot for you to punch someone. We’ll just explain the situation and-”

“What can I explain?” Seojoon interrupted him, “that the guy more or less called the man I love, a slut, so I punched him? I’m painted into a corner. All I can do is just admit it, apologise and take the punishment.”

“Let’s go and talk to Jung-eum now,” Hyungsik urged him, “we can tell her that some of the details are personal but that Wooshik basically said something awful to you. I’m sure that once Wooshik sobers up he’ll take at least  _ some  _ of the fucking responsibility for this.”

Seojoon turned his head and looked into Hyungsik’s eyes. He reached for his head, his fingers tracing the edge of Hyungsik’s left ear.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, sadness in his eyes, “I’ll deal with it. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“What does  _ that  _ mean?” Hyungsik asked, suddenly very worried, he climbed on to the bed and straddled Seojoon’s waist, pulling on his shirt angrily, “don’t you fucking  _ dare  _ to try and shut me out.”

“I just mean that I don’t want you to get pulled into this,” Seojoon clarified, clutching Hyungsik’s hands and prising his shirt out of Hyungsik’s fingers, “Wooshik is my problem to deal with and I’m the one that punched him. I don’t want you getting hit in the crossfire.”

Seojoon kissed Hyungsik’s hands.

“Come here,” he said softly.

“I’m serious, Joon-kkeo,” Hyungsik scowled at him, “you can’t shut me out. I can’t go back to knowing nothing about your life on Monday. Let me at least know what you plan to say to Jung-eum?”

“How can I tell you when I don’t know myself?” Seojoon smiled, “listen, I’m really fucking annoyed with myself that I lost my temper like that, I feel like shit and I feel like I’ve ruined our last night, so please come here so I can kiss you!”

_ He’s lying to me. _

_ There’s something he’s not saying. _

Hyungsik lowered himself onto Seojoon, pressing his body against Seojoon’s but pulled back before he could kiss him.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Hyungsik said emphatically, sliding the fingers of his right hand behind Seojoon’s neck, “Wooshik was drunk and lost his shit. I’m betting when he sobers up, he’ll come crawling for your forgiveness and admit his part in his own, much deserved, nose-punching.”

“Maybe,” Seojoon shrugged, “or maybe he’ll hold a grudge about this now.”

“But can you promise me something?” Hyungsik asked him, “ _ please _ tell me what you plan to do.”

Seojoon smiled at him and Hyungsik could see sadness in his eyes again.

_ What the fuck, Seojoon?! _

_ What aren’t you telling me? _

Seojoon reached up to Hyungsik’s head with both hands, and pulled himself up, meeting Hyungsik’s lips with his own and teasing his tongue into Hyungsik’s mouth.

Hyungsik quickly lost his train of thought, and the kiss turned into sex, and it was the last time the matter of Wooshik, and what Seojoon was going to do about it, was mentioned.

***

Hyungsik had never had a panic attack before.

Generally, his approach to life was a relaxed one: if he didn’t get something done in time, or he made a mistake, then he would just shrug and try to learn from it for next time. 

Depending on how much he cared about something, some matters, especially relating to administration at Pulse Games, wouldn’t even register as a concern for him, much to the frustration of Seojoon, Jung-eum and Siwon.

He had certainly felt anxious about things before, the last five weeks standing prominent as an example of this, but he had never been so anxious that he fell into blind-panic about something.

Until 2am on Sunday morning, the last day of the team building weekend, and the day that they would be returning to Seoul.

Hyungsik had woken for an inexplicable reason, and he had found himself unable to go back to sleep, his mind immediately flooding him with every anxious thought that he had buried since they had arrived at Mount Seorak.

_ What do we do on Monday? _

_ Will we go back to just being work colleagues? _

_ Can we be friends now? _

_ If we try to have a relationship, can I face the consequences? _

_ What will Seojoon do about Wooshik? _

_ What if he’s fired? _

_ What will he do for money? How will he get another job? _

_ Have I ruined his life? _

_ Can he live at my apartment? _

_ Could we have a relationship if he doesn’t work at Pulse? _

_ Does it change anything with my father? _

_ What if he really makes me marry someone? _

_ Should I tell Seojoon I love him? _

_ What if he doesn’t know? _

_ I need him to know. _

_ I love him so fucking much. _

All of these questions, and all of the uncertainty, the  _ weight  _ of  _ everything _ , very quickly overwhelmed Hyungsik, and he found himself breaking into a cold sweat, his chest tightening.

Suddenly, the comfort of Seojoon pressed against him, his arms wrapped around him and a leg over Hyungsik’s legs, made him feel like he was being smothered, and he found himself struggling to breathe.

It wasn’t long before he was gasping for air, the panic of finding himself unable to breathe, only serving to feed his panic-attack, though he didn’t know it.

He thought he was dying.

Seojoon woke when Hyungsik began writhing on the bed, pushing Seojoon off of him, almost sending him to the floor.

“Hyungsik,” he said, alarm in his voice, as he climbed back onto the bed.

He touched a hand to Hyungsik’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked him, but Hyungsik wasn’t able to reply, still unable to catch his breath, so he just met Seojoon’s gaze imploringly.

Seojoon grabbed his hand.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, stroking Hyungsik’s hair with his free hand, “I think you’re having a panic attack, ‘Sik-kkeo. I promise, you’ll be okay. I’ve had a few before, it’s really fucking scary but can you try to breathe for me?”

Hyungsik shook his head.

_ I’m dying, Joon-kkeo _

_ I love you _

“You can, ‘Sik-kkeo,” Seojoon cooed, “look at me. Look, I’ve got your hand. You’re safe with me. Try to breathe.”

When Hyungsik concentrated on Seojoon’s hand, it was as though he had been released onto a waterslide. He felt himself propel forward in the bed, inhaling at such a speed and volume that it felt painful, and his cold sweat suddenly escalated into an intense heat.

Seojoon said nothing but squeezed his hand and stroked the back of his head, as he hunched forward on the bed, trying to remember how to breathe normally.

It was sometime before Hyungsik breathing slowed, by which time, he could feel he was dripping in sweat and could feel himself shaking.

He slowly sat up on the bed and met Seojoon’s eyes.

“Do you want some water?” Seojoon asked him tenderly.

Hyungsik tugged on Seojoon’s arm, pulling him closer until Seojoon wrapped his arms around him, and then Hyungsik began sobbing, loud, anguished sobs onto his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Seojoon cooed, stroking Hyungsik’s hair, “it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Hyungsik cried, “everything’s fucked!”

“How is it fucked?” Seojoon asked him, his voice still soft.

“This whole thing! Us!” Hyungsik sobbed, “there’s no way that this has a happy ending and I can’t fucking do it…”

Seojoon sighed and squeezed Hyungsik tightly.

“And the worst thing is, I know you agree with me and I know you’re not telling me everything and how the fuck am I supposed to deal with all this?! I can’t just walk into the office on Monday morning and draw fucking inane shit, while my live implodes and everything that made me happy is reduced to fucking ash.”

Hyungsik pulled away from Seojoon and held his arms firmly.

“Tell me I’m wrong!”

Seojoon held his gaze, his jaw clenched.

“What can I say?” he asked, finally, his voice soft, “I won’t lie to you but how is talking about any of that gonna help you right now, Hyungsik-kkeo?”

“So, are we just never gonna talk about it?!” Hyungsik asked incredulously, “we’re just gonna go back to Seoul and be more or less strangers again?! What if you get fired? What if I get fucking  _ married _ ?! Am I supposed to just never see you again?!”

“Hyungsik,  _ you  _ didn’t want to talk about that stuff, remember?” Seojoon reminded him, his voice calm and steady.

“Yeah, well, now I do,” Hyungsik frowned, his voice lowering, “apparently, my brain needs  _ all the answers  _ or it’s shutting off my oxygen supply.”

Seojoon laughed and Hyungsik noticed tears in his eyes. He pulled Hyungsik close, in a sudden, decisive movement and kissed Hyungsik on the forehead.

“You are one of a kind, Park Hyungsik,” he laughed onto Hyungsik’s forehead, and Hyungsik could tell that he was crying but trying to hide it.

“And you’re a stubborn, evasive shit,” Hyungsik complained, pulling away from him again and meeting his gaze.

“Okay, I’ll say it,” Seojoon sighed, looking defeated, “this is gonna be fucking painful for both of us. But do I regret it? Fuck no. I’d do it all again if I could. If you really  _ do  _ have to get fucking married, if I get sacked tomorrow, at least we  _ had this _ . Right?”

_ No. _

_ I don’t want to get fucking married. _

_ I want to be with you. _

_ I love you. _

Hyungsik had avoided saying those three words to Seojoon.

If he said them, he was truly admitting it to himself, and he knew he would never be able to let Seojoon go, once that happened.

For him, saying them out loud was a point of no-return.

“Fuck,” Hyungsik sighed, his shoulders slumping down and his hands falling from Seojoon’s arms to his side, “I’m sorry.”

Seojoon wiped his eyes, and put his hand on Hyungsik’s shoulder.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Hyungsik-kkeo,” Seojoon said quietly, “you know I understand. I feel the same. If you think that next week I’m gonna be fine, you’re really fucking mistaken. The thought of you getting married…”

Seojoon’s head fell and his shoulders began to shake, and it took a few seconds for Hyungsik to process that he was crying.

Hyungsik pulled him close and he pressed his head against Seojoon’s.

“It’s not because I’m fucking possessive, it just breaks my heart to think of you trapped in a loveless marriage!” Seojoon cried through tears, sounding anguished, “you don’t deserve that.  _ No-one _ deserves that.”

Hyungsik could feel himself gritting his teeth.

He was so angry.

_ This should be simple. _

_ I love him and he loves me. _

_ That’s it. _

_ That should be it. _

_ Islands in the Stream. _

_ How can we be fucking wrong? _

_ *** _

Hyungsik woke to the sound of a knock on their hotel room door.

“Seojoon-ssi, Hyungsik-ssi!” came Jung-eum’s voice through the door, “we’re leaving!”

Hyungsik turned to look at Seojoon, who was fast asleep behind him.

He didn’t stir.

They had been up talking until 3am and it had been emotional for them both, not really being able to make things better for one another, the only thing they could do was grieve together for the love they were about to lose.

Seojoon was probably exhausted.

Hyungsik knew he was.

He closed his eyes.

_ We’re asleep. _

_ We slept in. _

_ Just fucking go. _

_ One more day. _

_ Please. _

Another knock at the door, this time louder.

“Seojoon-ssi! Hyungsik-ssi!”

Seojoon stirred and Hyungsik studied his face carefully, willing him to stay asleep.

“Let me do it,” came another voice.

Siwon.

Three loud bangs on the door.

“Rocky! Wake up, Rocky!”

_ Rocky?! _

_ Oh, right. _

_ Seojoon’s punch. _

_ He’s such a fucking shit. _

Hyungsik looked at Seojoon again and realised his eyes were open.

Hyungsik raised his index finger to his own lips and placed his other hand over Seojoon’s mouth.

“Let’s just go,” Hyungsik heard Siwon say, before adding in a loud cry, “they can get the  _ shuttle bus home _ !”

When he was sure they were gone, Hyungsik lowered his hand and smiled mischievously at Seojoon, who returned a smirk and shook his head in disbelief.

He shifted forward in the bed and wrapped his arms and legs around Seojoon.

“Good morning, Joon-kkeo,” he said, planting kisses all over his face, “now do you want more sleep, food or sex? In case you didn’t know, this is me dragging things out and delaying the inevitable. It’s what I’m best at.”

“You really are,” Seojoon laughed, his voice husky.

“Well?” Hyungsik pressed him, “should I leave you to sleep, and go and think about you in the shower?”

Seojoon let out a laugh.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he said with wide eyes, before sliding his hands down to Hyungsik’s butt and squeezing it, “give me a chance to catch up here.”

Hyungsik leaned close and took Seojoon’s bottom lip between his teeth before sucking on it, then pressing his lips to Seojoon’s and sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Seojoon moved his hands up Hyungsik’s body and arms until he reached Hyungsik’s hands and he tried to roll them both over, but Hyungsik decided it would be funny to resist him, still kissing him, a smile on his lips.

Seojoon increased the force in his arms and Hyungsik could feel his arms buckling under the pressure until finally Seojoon pinned him down onto the bed and Hyungsik came up for air to cackle loudly.

“Do you wanna wrestle?” Seojoon asked him, his hair falling forward and looking out of breath.

“I just don’t want it to always be so easy for you,” Hyungsik laughed, “I want you to know that I can take you.”

“Do you  _ hear  _ yourself?” Seojoon laughed.

“You heard me,” Hyungsik smiled, before they both dived into a kiss so lustful and uncoordinated, that Hyungsik could feel there was very little blood left in his head.

The sex that morning was intense and desperate, like they were trying to make it the perfect last time, without ever saying that it was the last.

Hyungsik could feel the longing in his heart, and he knew that this would probably be the last time he ever felt this way about sex with someone.

He tried to commit everything to memory.

The way Seojoon looked, the way he felt, the way he tasted and the sounds he made.

It was all his and nothing and no-one could take  _ that  _ from him, even if they took everything else.

Hyungsik didn’t remember when he started to cry, but he let it all pour out once it began.

Wrapped up in his pleasure, he felt a primal release.

_ Time might heal this wound someday. _

_ But I’ll  _ _ never _ _ forget you Park Seojoon. _

***

Check out was at eleven, and they reached the reception desk one minute before eleven.

They were both exhausted and had hurriedly showered before packing to leave, but Hyungsik had no regrets about deliberately missing the coach home.

He didn’t want their last memory to be of crying together all morning.

It was heart-breaking enough anyway.

They got the shuttle bus back to Seoul, sitting side-by-side and hiding their clasped hands under Seojoon’s jacket, as they both looked out of the window, Seojoon leaning as close to him as he dared.

The journey took roughly half an hour but it seemed to Hyungsik that it was less than half that, time seeming to have sped up, as though it was willing their last moments together to be over.

But the worst moment was at the Seoul Shuttle Depot.

They just stood and looked at one another, neither of them wanting to walk away and unable to hug or kiss one another.

It felt cruel, the rest of the world carrying on as normal around them.

Seojoon was the first to speak, tears in his eyes, his jaw clenched.

“Just know, that I feel the same as you and I feel  _ all  _ your pain, even if I can’t comfort you or make it go away.”

Hyungsik tried with every fibre of his being not to cry, but the tears fell and he could feel his lips trembling.

It was the sight of Seojoon’s face, he looked broken.

Like Hyungsik felt.

“I’ll miss you so much,” Hyungsik managed to whisper.

“Me too,” Seojoon nodded.

They held each other’s gaze.

“Go,” Seojoon said finally, “go see Taehyung. He’ll take care of you. He probably misses you.”

For some reason, this made Hyungsik cry more.

Probably because he knew Seojoon had no one.

Who would go home alone and be alone with his sorrow.

“Can I text you?” Hyungsik asked.

“Of  _ course  _ you can,” Seojoon replied emphatically, waving his phone, “I’m always at the other end of this, okay?”

Hyungsik nodded.

Seojoon suddenly stepped forward and grabbed Hyungsik’s sleeve, before rubbing his jacket in his hair and wiping it across his face.

Hyungsik laughed between tears.

Seojoon held the sleeve to Hyungsik’s nose.

“Did it work?” he asked earnestly, tears in his eyes and forcing a smile.

Hyungsik inhaled.

“Yeah,” he nodded and laughed again.

“Okay, so…” Seojoon started to walk backwards, “fuck it.”

He reached out and pulled Hyungsik in for a hug, stealing a very brief kiss on his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered.

_ I love you too. _

_ So much. _

_ It’ll be the death of me. _

***

The thirty minute subway journey back to Bucheon was a blur.

As Hyungsik sat down on the train, all he could do was think about Seojoon going home alone and his look of anguish as they said goodbye, and before he knew it, he was home.

Walking through the door of his apartment, he was immediately greeted by not only Taehyung but also; Jimin, Yoongi, Jungkook, Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok.

“Oh, hi guys,” Hyungsik said weakly, as he removed his shoes in the entranceway and put on his slippers.

Taehyung wrapped an arm around him.

“How was it?” he asked cautiously, concern on his face, “you didn’t answer any of my messages.”

“Oh, you know,” Hyungsik started, “just everything you’d expect from me really. We ended up sharing a hotel room and were paired up for the whole weekend, so of course I fucking seized the opportunity, and now we’re both in so deep we’re well and truly… fucked. He loves me, I love him, he punched someone for calling me a slut, y’know,  _ ‘me’  _ shit!”

“What?!” Taehyung shrieked, “who the f-”

“Wooshik,” Hyungsik added, “the guy who has a thing for Joon-kkeo?”

“Joon-kkeo is it now?” Hoseok asked, looking surprised.

Taehyung held a hand up to Hoseok’s face to indicate he should pause with his line of questioning.

“Why the fuck did that guy call you a slut?!” Taehyung exclaimed.

“Who  _ is _ this Wooshik shit?!” Yoongi asked angrily.

“He’s a guy at work who likes Joon-kkeo,” Hyungsik sighed, looking at the sofa longingly as his friends blocked his path, “I’m pretty sure he figured out we spent the whole of Saturday having sex in our hotel room and went postal at Joon-kkeo. He told him he was an idiot for liking me ‘cos apparently I’ve done half of Seoul, or am planning to… or something. Can I sit down now please?”

His friends cleared a path for him and then followed him to the sofa like imprinted ducklings.

“So, what are you both gonna do now?” Taehyung asked, sitting down beside him and clutching his arm.

Hyungsik considered how he could answer that question, but every thought was just too painful to say out loud, so he found himself crying again.

“Oh, hyung!” Taehyung cooed, wrapping his arms around him as Hyungsik fell onto his side on the sofa, sobbing silently.

Hyungsik felt the weight on top of him increase and he opened his eyes to realise they were all piled on top of him in a crushing hug. If nothing else, it physically prevented him from crying, so he supposed it worked in that sense.

“Thanks guys,” he managed to say under the weight on his lungs, “I’m better now.”

They leaned away, sitting around him on the sofa and looking at him expectantly.

“What can we do?” Jimin asked, clutching his other hand.

Hyungsik thought for a moment.

“My heart’s breaking because I know Joon-kkeo’s home alone right now.” Hyungsik started, “since you guys are all here, would you mind if I invited him over?”

Taehyung and Jungkook exchanged worried frowns, and everyone else looked away from Hyungsik.

“Is that a good idea?” Taehyung asked finally, after several seconds of silence passed between them, “I mean, are you guys trying to end it or…?”

“We are, but...” Hyungsik cried desperately, “he shouldn’t be alone and you guys are all here so.”

“It’s not because we think you guys need a chaperone,” Jungkook pointed out, “it’s more a question of: when are you gonna let go of each other? Should you keep holding on like this, if you know you have to end it? It’s only gonna get harder…”

Hyungsik looked at the ceiling and swallowed.

“I’m only talking about tonight,” he replied, a little more petulantly then he intended, “that’s all I’m asking for.”

“Okay,” Taehyung conceded, a little curtly, “call him and ask him. I’m pretty sure he won’t come over.”

Hyungsik began playing out in his mind, how the conversation with Seojoon might go.

In every scenario, Seojoon would reply to say that it probably wasn’t a good idea.

He would assure Hyungsik that he was okay at home alone.

He’d make jokes to make him feel better.

But he would never agree to come over.

_ This is where he starts to shut me out. _

_ I know him. _

_ Fuck, I can’t bear this already and it’s only a hypothetical situation. _

_ How am I supposed to survive this?! _

“Fuck!” Hyungsik cried, “have we got any fucking ice cream?!”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say: I'm sorry Wooshik. I love you really! You're just a fun sorta-villain in this fic so... XD
> 
> As always, I hope you're still enjoying the updates and I would love to hear your thoughts, even if it's a bit o' constructive criticism - I'm totally new to all this writing lark so welcome any and all feedback!
> 
> Thanks for reading - I love you guys! x


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